Quote of the Summit So Far

Rick Santorum bemoaning the fact that their message doesn't appeal to "smart people."

(You don't say!)

Santorum: 'We Will Never Have the Elite, Smart People on Our Side'




You'd think that if you realize that no smart people agree with you, that maybe that indicates that you're wrong, but no. No, Rick will never realize that.

Adorable Ocelot Kittens try to figure out what Rick Santorum was trying to call Barack Obama

A Knicks fan?

 
A Nicaraguan?



A Nicotine addict?


A  Niçoise salad?

 

A Nick-at-Nite watching, Nickelback listening, Nicholas Cage watching. . . oh, hell. You know what he meant. 

Rick and Karen Santorum discuss implants

I'm gonna get 'em THIS big!

I approve this message!

Wait, let me get this straight.

(via TPM)

Defending her husband against charges of being anti-woman, Karen Santorum said Monday on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight: “Women have nothing to fear. When it comes to contraceptives, he will do nothing on that issue.”
 

Wait. So, Rick Santorum believes that  contraception is a danger to this country, yet he intends to do nothing about it?

Seriously, Mrs. Santorum, you need to tell your dimwit husband that he can't go around saying things like

"One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is I think the dangers of contraception in this country"

and

I don’t think it works. I think it’s harmful to women. I think it’s harmful to our society to have a society that says that sex outside of marriage is something that should be encouraged or tolerated … particularly among the young and it has I think we’ve seen very, very harmful long-term consequences to the society. Birth control to me enables that and I don’t think it’s  a healthy thing for our country.” 

and then have you come out and say "don't worry, he's not going to do anything." Because you really can't have it both ways. You really can't say "vote for me because I will do nothing about this grave threat to our society." You can't claim that birth control is causing "very, very harmful long term consequences to the society" and then say "hey, don't worry about it. I'm totally cool with the baby blockers." Seriously, you just can't do that unless you don't mind looking like an asshole.


oh, right. never mind.

Also, Rick Santorum is fucking crazy.

My favorite Part of the Latest Rick Santorum Faux Pas

Is the location where he made his assholish remarks:

“It’s sort of the optimistic spirit of America but sometimes, sometimes it’s not okay. It’s going to be harder for this generation to figure this out. There’s no cataclysmic event. It’s going to be hard. You understand it — you’re here. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t get it.”

-- Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum campaigning at the First Redeemer Church in Cumming, Ga.

Cumming, GA. Which is a real place.

Take a look at their website: http://www.cityofcumming.net/

Welcome to the city of Cumming’s web site.  We hope you will find lots of useful information here.

Find out what’s playing at the Cumming Play house.

Come on, admit it.Aren't you just a little bit curious about the Cumming Play House?

Cumming Fairgrounds
Home of the Cumming Country
Fair and Festival

 

Oh, God! I'm 8 years old!

Good Job, Iowa!

This is the guy whose campaign you just resurrected.




Way to go. You just catapulted this vile, loathsome worm back into the national spotlight in all of his sex-obsessed glory.

Now, there's nothing necessarily wrong with being sex-obsessed. If you are say, Wilt Chamberlain or Ron Jeremy, or every teen-aged boy ever. But combine sex-obsession with a healthy dose of self-loathing and a double helping of Catholic Guilt, and you get shit like this:

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,”

People using contraception face the danger of not being impregnated or not exposed to HIV. Are you brave enough to take that risk?

“It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

ie, having sex without being punished for it?

It’s supposed to be for purposes that are yes, conjugal but also immunative but also procreative. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen.

Yeah, I didn't know what the word "immunative" means either. In my defense, neither did Dictionary dot Com.  I did find a definition of sorts on Trade.Mar.Cx:

IMMUNATIVE
BIONATIVE AB
Pharmaceutical preparations in tablet and liquid form of the treatment of infectious diseases, namely bacteriae and fungus diseases; dietary preparations for use as nutritional food supplements; anti-fungal and antibacterial preparations in tablet and liquid form; antibacterial and anti-fungal wound dressings; antiseptics; medical plasters; medicated mouthwashes; veterinary preparations for warm blooded mammals; in tablet and liquid form for treatment of pulmonary and dermatological diseases

So apparently, sex with Rick is a lot like that. Medicated mouthwashes, warm-blooded mammals, and dermatological diseases. Sounds pretty hot!

That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. When we take any part of that out, we diminish the act. If you can take one part out, when it's not for purposes of procreation, that's not one of the reasons, then you diminish this very special bond between men and women.

Because you can't really have a special bond with a non-pregnant woman! Am I right, fellas? This guy knows what I'm talking about!

 

Look how close they are!

So why can't you take other parts of it out? And all of a sudden it becomes deconstructed to the point where it's simply pleasure. And that's certainly a part of it, and it's an important part of it, don't get me wrong. But there are a lot of things we do for pleasure. 

For example.

And   this is special and it needs to be seen as special. And, again, I know most presidents don't talk about those things. And maybe people don't want us to talk about those things. 

Also, otters do not want you to talk about such things.

 La la la la la I Can't hear you making sex sound totally creepy!

I'm not running for preacher, I'm not running for pastor.  But these are important public policy issues.

Yes, important public policy issues. What folks do in private is important public policy. That's the guy you voted for, Iowa! Nice going. Do you know how close we were to never having to hear from this despicable little ratfuck ever again? His numbers were in single digits, he was looking up at Bachmann. BACHMANN! And once he was out of this race, that was it for him. It's not like he has the charisma to start picking up a paycheck from FOX. He was gone. Until you geniuses let him finish a close second. Way to go, Iowa!

Ooh, Good Point, Frothy!

Rick Santorum continues to prove what a goddamm imbecile he is.


“If hunger is a problem in America, then why do we have an obesity problem among the people who we say have a hunger program?” Santorum asked.

  

Good point, Santorum! If some people are fat, then that must mean that, um. . . no it doesn't mean anything.

Okay, wait. I think I got it now, Santorum's theory is that if some people aren't getting enough to eat and others are eating too much, then on average, we're a pretty healthy country!

              

  

 Average American

Yesterday's Aborted Santorum Post

Rick Santorum is fucking crazy.



But you already knew that.
The only reason I mention this is because it has been brought to my attention that this blog is the number one result for the search term "Rick Santorum is Fucking Crazy."

Check it out: Rick Santorum is Fucking Crazy

Anyway, as we all know, being fucking insane is the least of Rick Santorum's Google-related problems.

Santorum asks Google to clean up search results for his name

September 21, 2011|By John D. Sutter, CNN

On Tuesday, the socially conservative politician lashed out at Google, saying the company could get rid of the sexual references to his name on the search results if it wanted to -- and perhaps would do so if he were a Democrat.

Yeah, maybe they could but maybe it's just too damn funny!

 Also, Google is a business. They are in the search business to make a profit. Do you think that they should lie to their customers? When someone searches for Santorum, their job is not to promote your campaign or spare your feelings, their job is to present the most popular results in order of popularity. If they eliminated the results that are gross, they would be lying to their customers. It would be like presenting the baseball standings and just leaving off the Yankees because Red Sox fans might be offended. You can't say that what you're presenting is an accurate list of the baseball standings.

"I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they'd get rid of it," he told Politico. "If you're a responsible business, you don't let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country."

God, you're such a Republican! Do they automatically give you lessons on playing the victim when you sign up with the GOP?
First off, really? You really think they would delete something offensive about Biden? They don't even remove the racist shit people post about President Obama.

It took me like 5 seconds to find these.

Second, there isn't anything like that about Joe Biden because he's never said anything as vile and despicable as your gay-bashing rants.

Third, "an impact on the country?" "An impact on the country?" How do you figure this has any impact on the country? Do you think that this is why you're losing? You think you'd be leading the primaries if not for this? Do you think people are saying "Say, I like that Santorum fella, I believe I'll Google him to learn more about his policy positions. . . Oh my God! Here I thought that Santorum was a right-wing religious nut former senator, but now I come to learn that he is actually a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex! Well, I agree with his domestic policy positions, but I just can't bring myself to vote for a  frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. That just wouldn't be right!"

Do you think that's why you're not winning? Take a look at the guy who is leading:

He has basically the same positions as you on pretty much everything, from hating the gays to hating the government to loving the fetuses, but he looks like this:



Whereas you, with the identical platform, look like this:




Imagine you're a voter. Imagine that you were given a choice between two ideologically identical candidates, one who looks like this:



and one who looks like this:



Who are you going to choose? Be honest, now.

Of course you choose Governor Handsome. Why wouldn't you?

 

Please stop saying things. Please God, make my daddy stop saying things!

I'm pretty sure the original post was way funnier, this was the best i could do from memory.