Carrie Prejean is a Traditional Girl.

Dammit, I wish Carrie Prejean would quit making me aware of her existence!



She's in the news again:

RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that Prejean, famous for her conservative Christian views and opposition to same-sex marriage, is living with Boller in his Del Mar, Calif. home.ome

.
A source close to the couple confirmed to RadarOnline.com that Carrie has indeed moved in. “She’s living there. He’s remodeling the house and she’s helping him.”

Yes, Ms Prejean has taken the principled stand that only heterosexual, one man / one woman couples should be allowed to shack up and, to use the Old Testament phrase, fornicate.
You know, like God intended. What could be a better defense of "traditional" marriage than an as-yet-unmarried couple co-habitating?

"hey, at least I'm not some horrible lesbian," said Ms. Prejean. "Old Testament laws don't apply to today's modern world, except the stuff about homos! God really hates that homo stuff!"

(quote fabricated, obviously)


Also, only decent, God-fearing hetero women are allowed to expose their nipples in public.



And I really have to agree with her on this point. If I see one more heathen, atheist, lesbian nipple on a public beach, well. . . wait what were we talking about? Boobies? I think?
heeheeeheee, "boobies!" That's a naughty word!

Okay, Can We Please Stop Having This Woman on TV?

A couple of things stand out in this video.

1- I think I understand now why Carrie Prejean thinks that conservative women are being attacked, or harassed or whatever. She seems to feel that a reporter asking any question other than something designed to pimp her book is a completely inappropriate attack. There seem to be a lot of these types on the right, especially the religious right, these people who think that if you aren't in complete agreement with their agenda, you're attacking them.
When you have this mindset, and you hear a reporter say "you know, Sarah Palin is wrong about the death panels, there actually are no death panels," I guess to you it sounds like "Sarah Palin should be drawn and quartered, her village burned down and slaves made of her children."

2- She can't even storm off a set properly. She takes off the mic and the earpiece, then just sits there with those glazed-over eyes and that empty-headed cult-recruiter smile, just sitting in an empty room. She could take a lesson from Tom Tancredo.



Now that's a man who knows how to storm off a set!

3- Why doesn't Larry King show the same journalistic instinct when Ms Prejean makes the ridiculous statement that Billo or Hannity would be thrown off the air for insulting a liberal woman? Why doesn't he call bullshit on her right then? Why does she just get to go on show after show and just lie? She can just pretend that Hannity, O'Reilly, et al, haven't repeatedly libeled Hilary Clinton? No one calls her on this? But refusing to talk about the lawsuit, that get's Larry's tenacity going? The thing no one cares about? Look, Larry, I know you're not exactly trying to do hard-hitting journalism here, but good god! You're not working for FOX!

So please, everyone in the Television industry, let's stop putting this ridiculous woman on the air. I would really be pleased to never see or hear from her again.

Getting Palinized

Carrie Prejean was on The Today Show this morning where this exchange happened:

VIEIRA: You, you say in the book you've been "Palinized," referencing Sarah Palin. What do you mean by that? "I've been Palinized."

PREJEAN: You know of the attacks Sarah Palin's been under, don't you?

. . . .

PREJEAN: Right, right. And there is a double standard out there. There is an extreme double standard that conservative women are under attack for whatever it is. I mean if Sean Hannity went out there and said some of the things that Keith Olbermann has said about me, you know, if he said anything about Sonia Sotomayor or Michelle Obama, he would be off the air.

Okay, couple of things.

First- yes, it's true that you have been "Palinized" if by that you mean that like Sarah Palin, you have been mocked for being a vacant, asinine ignoramus. Then yes, you've been "Palinized."

Second- the reason Sean Hannity wouldn't say the same things about Sonia Sotomayor or Michelle Obama is that even Sean can tell that neither of these women are stupid. In fact, they are both whip-smart Ivy League grads.

Third- if Hannity did say those things about Justice Sotomayor or Michelle Obama, do you really think he'd be off the air? Do you have any idea for whom Hannity works? You know that the same peice of shit network that employs Hannity allows Glenn Beck to pollute their airwaves with his paranoia and hatred, don't you? Did you see Rupertr Murdoch firing or disciplining Beck when he called the president a racist? No. In fact he just gave an interview wherein he says that Beck was right. (check it out)

Fourth- (I know I said a "couple" but geez) Fourth- the double standard isn't liberal women vs conservative women. The double standard is between smart women and stupid women. You don't here those kind of remarks made about, say, Kay Bailey Hutchison or Condoleeza Rice, do you?








. . . Why is there this double standard? And that's the reason why I wrote this book.











Okay, couple of things. First- the reason for writing the book can not be "why is there this double standard?" The reason can't be a question. You might could say "the reason I wrote this book was to answer the question 'why is there this double standard?'" but that would probably be incorrect, as I can't imagine that you answer this or any other question in the book that "you" "wrote."

Second- The reason you "wrote" the book was to make money without actually having to work. Hey, I get it. I'd do the same thing in your stilettos. If i was underqualified to schlep wings at Hooters and someone offered to write a book and put my name on it and pay me money, hell, I'd jump at it too. But let's don't pretend that you had some deeper, nobler purpose in mind.

Also during the same interview, this happened:

VIEIRA: In the book you write "Our bodies are temples of the lord. We should earn respect and admiration for our hearts, not for showing skin to look sexy."

And what better way to earn admiration for one's heart than to cover it in silicone and strut around stage in a bikini?






Or pose shirtless?
that is one fine-lookin' temple of the Lord ya got goin' on there!








VIEIRA: So now people are seeing this tape, whatever you want to call it- there are people who say they want to call you on the carpet when they feel you're being a hypocrite.
(surprise, there's a sex tape!)

So Viera asks about it, how does Miss Prejean answer the accusations of hypocrisy?

VIEIRA: -and they're saying, "Well she's a hypocrite-

PREJEAN: Yeah, well I model.

Yeah, you tell 'er! Wait, what?

PREJEAN: I'm a model. I was in a beauty pageant. I mean if people want to call me hypocrite, then that, you know that's their, that's their prerogative.

Okay, I would like to exercise my prerogative at this point: Carrie Prejean, YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE!

. . . that's their prerogative. But, you know what? I've learned from my mistakes. No one's perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. No one's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes and I think it's all about, you know, taking responsibility for their mistakes

No one's perfect? I beg to differ!

And it just so happens that, you know, seven months, it's been seven months since I gave that answer and they have done nothing but attack me and try and silence me and keep me from spreading that message that free speech still exists,

Okay, couple of things.

First- No one is trying to silence you. Unless you count hitting the mute button whenever you appear on TV, then yes, I've been trying to silence you.

Second- I don't think that the message you've been spreading is about free speech and the continued existence thereof so much as it is "Hey! Look at Me! pay attention to me!"

Third- free speech is a two-way street. if you have the freedom to speak out against gay marriage, then Perez Hilton has the right to call you a bitch. You can't act like you're some fucking first amendment hero then complain when other people exercise their freedom of speech.

Fourth- why do you righties always have to play the victim? It's tiresome, it's weak, and it's totally disingenuous. "Oh, the media is against us! Oh, they are trying to silence me! Oh, they would never do this to Sonia Sotomayor!" Check out some of the nasty things that were said about Sonia Sotomayor. seriously, just do a Google search for "Hannity + Sotomayor" or "O'Reilly + Sotomayor." You really think the criticism of you is worse than that? Or hey, Google Hilary Clinton and see how much horrible, slandarous shit has been heaped on her by your pals at FOX. And a lot of other right-wing media dicks. But hey, yeah, it's totally unfair that people have pointed out your blatant hypocrisy and obvious fatuity. The only fair way to treat you is to pretend that you are super smart and have just tons of integrity.

You know what? Why don't you just go away. Go apply at Hooters, maybe they have some sort of training program

For the record, I have never set foot inside a Hooters restaurant, nor do I ever intend to do so. I hope they go out of business tomorrow.

Carrie Prejean Speaks!

So the former Miss California, Carrie "Opposite marriage" Prejean made her appearance at the prestigious Value Voters Summit. Let's see what heft she added to the no doubt scintillating discourse.

(Note: for the purposes of this post, the word "prestigious" will be assumed to mean "preposterous" and "scintillating discourse" will refer to "blah, blah, blah, death panels, second ammendment, blah blah Muslims blah blah gay people are scary!" )






So let's see what she had to say for herself:

"There was something wrong with turning on the TV and seeing people mock me for my faith,"

Yeah, it wasn't really your faith people were mocking so much as your dumbth.*

"Seeing people make fun of me for being a Christian, trying to discredit me, trying to embarrass me -- it didn't make sense to me."

Other things which don't make sense to Ms. Prejean include, but are not limited to:

Mathematics
Science
Why some people are left-handed
How come Peter Parker is never around when Spiderman saves the day.
Basic rules of grammar and syntax.
How that sign at the mall always knows where you are.

"The moment the judge asked it, I tried to stand there and look pretty, but in my head I could not believe that they were asking that question at Miss USA,"

Ah! I see why she couldn't formulate a coherent answer, she was putting so much effort into standing there while simultaneously trying to look pretty. It does seem unfair to ask her to perform a third task concurrently.

"I could not believe it. I thought that it was extremely inappropriate for that venue. Any other venue it would have been all right."

Any other venue? So it would be just fine to ask that question at say, a funeral? Or during a job interview? Or at a gay wedding? Only the Miss USA pageant is an inappropriate venue for such a question. We must preserve the integrity of a Donald-Trump owned prettiness contest for ladies who didn't qualify for Miss America!

"I feel as though I'm Miss Universe."

Does that count? Oh, then I feel as though I'm Brad Pitt!

"I am so proud of the stance that I took. I'm so proud of the answer that I gave, and God chose me for that moment. He chose me for that moment because he knew that I would not only be the one to stick up for him and for the truth, but also he knew that I am strong enough to get through all of the junk that I have been through."

* (Dumbth is a word coined by Steve Allen as a measure of dumb. As width is to wide, so dumbth is to dumb)

This Is Your Headliner?

Today I received an e-mail from Tony Perkins. Naturally, i thought it was Psycho, Fear Strikes Out Tony Perkins, so I eagerly opened it.
And this, THIS! is what I saw!

Former Miss CA Carrie Prejean Confirmed for Next Week's Summit--Register Today!

Who the fuck would think that Airhead McSilicone would be a big draw?

Even Billy Bush can barely disguise his contempt!

Maybe because the roster of speakers at this little "summit" runs the gamut from the merely douchey

To the Batshit insane.
To the blatantly corrupt

Seriously, check out the lineup of dullards, dolts, dunces and dimwits who will be filling the rostrum at this convocation.

Confirmed* and Invited Speakers for 2009

• 

  Bill O'Reilly
  Host, The O'Reilly Factor

• 

  Gov. Sarah Palin
  Governor of Alaska

• (someone needs to tell the organizers of Stupidpalooza that Palin is no longer Governor)
  

• 

  Phyllis Schlafly
  Founder, Eagle Forum

• (Someone needs to tell the organizers that Phyllis is no longer among the living)

• 

  Sean Hannity
  The Sean Hannity Show

• (in Sean's defense, he has been invited but has yet to accept)

• 

  Rep. Michele Bachmann
  U.S. House of Representatives

• 

  Rep. John Boehner
  Congressman (OH)

• 
  
• 

  Amy Kremer
  National Coordinator, Tea Party Patriots

• (that would be the National Coordinator of the totally spontaneous, grass-roots tea party demonstrations)

• 

  Bill Bennett
  Host, Morning in America

• (If they can drag him out of the casino)

• 

  Stephen Baldwin
  Actor

And so on. . . .

So, if that's your lineup, then yeah, maybe Former Miss California Carrie "huh?" Prejean would be your big draw.

So what is the point of this meeting of the minds?

Let's look at some of the "sessions" planned for the Value Voters Summit.

TRUE TOLERANCE: COUNTERING THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

OK, so anti-gay hatred, that's predictable.

OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY

Anti-healthcare fear-mongering, that's to be expected.

MARRIAGE: WHY IT'S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY

Hatred of the gay people AND paranoid fear-mongering together in one session? Well, that'll save time!

GLOBAL WARMING HYSTERIA: THE NEW FACE OF THE "PRO-DEATH" AGENDA.

Okay, I get the anti-science thing, but "pro-death"? What the fuck?

SPEECHLESS - SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS

Paranoia. Portraying Christians as a persecuted minority, it's almost cliche at this point.

THUGOCRACY - FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY

Good old fashioned conspiracy theory!

DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD

Just being assholes.

THE NEW MASCULINITY

I'll bet you Ten Dollars that's going to be creepy as fuck.

But here's my personal favorite:

5:00 - 5:30 p.m.

Book Signing - Diplomat Foyer

• Stephen Baldwin

Yeah, Steven Baldwin. I think how this works is you just bring Steven any book and he signs it. Look it's my Steven Baldwin autographed copy of Interview With The Vampire!

Miss California, Again

Good God, am I sick of this woman!

I saw her making her little speech about her grandfather at the Battle of the Bulge, and how he fought for her right to say stupid stuff at a bimbo contest, and she gets all choked up, and I thought I was gonna puke!

Then she says, and I'm going to paraphrase here, because i don't want to have to watch it again to get the exact quotation, but she says something like, I exercised my freedom of speech and I was punished for it!" And I'm thinking, how were you punished? You weren't stripped of your crown, even when it came to light that you had violated pageant rules, nothing bad happened to you, what do you mean punished?
Then I realized, Oh, she thinks that her anti-gay-marriage speech is what cost her the Miss USA title. She thinks that the title is rightly hers, but it was taken away due to her political beliefs. She thinks that the contest is not just based on who's the prettiest and who boinked the most judges. She really believes that she is the victim of a witch hunt by the miss USA audience, whom she says is "95% gay, or whatever."

Let's get everything we have to discuss about Miss CA out of the way here, so we never have to mention her again. First of all, how many of these pictures are going to keep popping up?


She's blaming the new ones on the wind, which apparently blew her shirt off, and blaming the photographer for taking the pictures. . . for which she was. . . posing, or something. . .






Look at the photo on the right. How is she going to say that the photographer shot that "in between poses" (which she is claiming) That's not a pose? For God's sake, at least be honest! Maybe the one on the left, where she looks to be fixing her hair, maybe you could claim that that one was taken without your knowledge, but the one on the right? Oh, Puh-leez! That's a pose if ever I've seen one.

Prejean said the latest round of photos showing her bare chest were outtakes from a photo shoot taken two years ago for a California surfing magazine.

“I actually was standing on a cliff and it very, very windy, and it was the photographer and I, and he had to have gotten some sort of shot of me where I was exposed,” she said. “However they should not have been published.”

Yeah, how could the photographer have gotten a shot of you where you were exposed, standing there all shirtless and all. Boy, that's a mystery! Oh, and those photos were for a magazine, so, yeah, they should never have been published!

The she said this:

"Honestly, I felt as though Satan was -- and I don't want to say that this person represented Satan, but -- I felt as though Satan was trying to tempt me in asking me this question. And then God was in my head and in my heart saying, 'Carrie, do not compromise this. You need to stand up for me.

Riiiiight, God Almighty needs bikini girl to stand up for Him. The Lord of Heaven and Earth needs help from an aspiring lingerie model. Ok, then! No delusions of grandeur there!

One last thing.

Why is this:

Considered shocking and distasteful,






But This is perfectly acceptable?

Miss California, Revisited.

So now a new photo has surfaced of Miss CA, Carrie Prejean, from some lingerie ad she did at some point in her life. What most people are taking away from this is that this makes her somewhat hypocritical in terms of being a spokesmodel for "family values" or whatever. But here's the thing that jumps out at me when I see this picture:

prior to the cosmetic surgery, Ms Prejean was pretty. What the hell would make a young lady who looks like the above picture think that plastic surgery was a good idea? What the hell is wrong with the model/beauty pageant subculture that the girl in that picture feels like she needs to take drastic steps to "improve" her looks?


How could the young woman in the above photo look in the mirror and think hmm, maybe some second-rate hackery on the old face is in order. Now where can I find an unlicensed surgeon with the DT's who will work on short notice?

And who could possibly think that this:


is an improvement?

And look at the first picture again. Why would that gal need for pageant officials to pay for her to have breast implants? She has her own perfectly good bosoms. I shudder to think that she could have been so dissatisfied with her appearance that she had the real ones removed and replaced with the fakes.

What the hell did this poor girl's parents do to her?


And now, in the interest of attracting more traffic to this blog, I would like to reiterate that we have been discussing Miss California, her breasts, and topless photos.

Ok, I am really not proud of that last bit. I'm going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done.

Miss California

At first, I felt kind of bad for her. It didn't really seem fair to ambush Miss USA contestants with political questions. I mean, it seems like a safe assumption that young women who consent to being paraded around and judged like livestock at a county fair probably don't have a lot of clear, well-thought-out opinions on the issues of the day.

And it seemed like she didn't necessarily have a problem with same-sex marriage, just felt like it wasn't her cup of tea, what with her enjoying winkies and all.

"I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage," she said at the pageant.

See, so that seems like something a reasonable person might say, although I would think that "opposite marriage" would probably be divorce, but i don't want to nitpick.

"And you know what? I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

So at this point, I'm thinking, Ok, everyone's entitled to their opinion, no big deal, I didn't really think that there was any reason to vilify the little airhead.

And I thought it really wasn't her fault that the right wing chose her as a sort of cause celebre.

Then I read this:

Miss California USA Carrie Prejean announced Thursday she will star in an anti-gay marriage ad sponsored by the controversial National Organization for Marriage.

Oh, it's on now, bitch!

Sorry, channeling Perez Hilton for a second there!

Oh, and this:

Prejean later said she thought she had lost the contest because of her stance.

Really? Because i was thinking maybe you lost because it's hard to win a beauty contest looking like this:

Neither Real, Nor Spectacular

"I was attacked for giving my own opinion on stage at a Miss USA contest, and I'm going to do whatever it takes, Matt, to protect marriage," Prejean, 21, told NBC "Today" show host Matt Lauer.

"The National Organization for Marriage basically just respects, um, you know, marriages and people who support it," she said. "That's what I'm here to do today, protect traditional marriage."

Really? Is that what they do? Just respect Marriage? Have you ever heard of Orson Scott Card? No? Well, most people haven't, he's evidently a fairly popular science fiction writer. There's no reason you should really be all that familiar with him, except that he sits on the board of the National Organization for Marriage. Why is that important? Because he says things like this:

Laws against homosexual behavior should remain on the books…to be used when necessary to send a clear message that those who flagrantly violate society's regulation of sexual behavior cannot be permitted to remain as acceptable, equal citizens.

And this:

How long before married people answer the dictators thus: Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage, and help me raise my children in a society where they will expect to marry in their turn.

Kinda scary, no? And also kinda ironic, since Mr. Card happens to be, wait for it, a Mormon!

Biological imperatives trump laws. American government cannot fight against marriage and hope to endure. If the Constitution is defined in such a way as to destroy the privileged position of marriage, it is that insane Constitution, not marriage, that will die.

Hey, Card! You're really going with the "biological imperative" thing? Cuz, if you're a male, your biological imperative is to mate with as many females as possible to ensure the continuation of your blood line and the survival of the species. You know, like a Mormon. One male - one female lifelong mating pairs are rarely seen in nature (wolves come to mind)
The only reason humans are able to make marriages work is that we are able to overcome our biological imperatives, so let's not pretend that there is some scientific basis to your hatred of the gay people.

But I digress.

Where were we? Oh yeah, Miss California. Hey Miss California, Shut the hell up. No one cares what a second-rate beauty queen/cosmetic surgery demo model has to say about anything of any importance, OK? Do us all a favor and stick to cutting ribbons at Orange County strip malls, and fending off Howard Stern.