Cory Booker Might as Well Just Drop Out of the Race if He's Not Going To Adress The Issue of how Nice this Lady's Boobies Are

(via TPM)

A top aide to Republican New Jersey Senate hopeful Steve Lonegan went into decidedly not-safe-for-work territory when TPM asked why he thinks his candidate has been gaining on Democratic opponent Cory Booker in recent polls.

Oh, God. Here we go. . .


So apparently, Cory Booker has a fan who is also a stripper and also donated $100, presumably in glittery, crumpled singles, to his campaign and he "tweeted" her a message that might be seen as maybe a little bit flirtatious, maybe? And because these are the times in which we live, someone had to try and make a huge shitty deal out of this fact. The designated someone for this teapot tempest was Rick Shaftan, an aide to Booker's opponent Steve Lonegan.

 

 

Artist's rendition: Rick Shaftan

 

Now you might expect a Republican operative to take the pearl-clutching family values faux outrage approach to Booker having had contact with this fallen woman, but bear in mind, this is New Jersey.

 



 

 

"It was just weird. I mean, to me, you know, hey, if he said, 'Hey, you got really hot breasts man, I'd love to suck on them.' Then like, yeah, cool. But like, he didn't say that," Shaftan explained.

Yes, that's obviously the sort of thing any normal person would say. Because lines like "I'd love to suck on them" have pretty much a 100% success rate with the ladies! Also because why would Booker be a decent human being when he clearly has the option to be a drooling swine?

"It was like kind of like, I don't know, it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper.

Um, I think what a gay guy would say to a stripper would be "Excuse me, ma'am, you've got the wrong house." or maybe "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't Swinging Richard's!" (that's right, Swinging Richard's)

 . . . it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper. It's the way he was talking to her. It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all.

And everyone knows there's no reason for a hetero dude to ever talk to a woman if he isn't trying to bone her!

It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all. I don't know. To me, if I was single and you know like some stripper was tweeting me, I might take advantage of the perks of the office, you know?"

Oh, yeah, clearly there's something wrong with Booker. It's like he doesn't even realize that the whole point of running for office is to get laid. Obviously it's Booker who's the oddball here.

 

 

This is strange. It's just weird. ... It's like, 'I don't know who she is. I don't know anything about her.' Get the fuck out of here dude. You can't follow her Twitter page and not know she's got those great breasts. How do you fucking not know?" Shaftan said.

 

Well, maybe, and I'm just speculating here, maybe he just read the words that she said rather than going to her profile to see whether or not she might be in possession of a pair of "great breasts?" Or maybe, and stay with me here, maybe he did notice her "great breasts" but didn't feel any need to comment on them? Because he's a human person and not a rutting barnyard animal? I know, I know, it sounds far-fetched, but I hear tell of certain men who are able to catch sight of attractive women without making gross comments about their boobies. Sounds crazy, but I swear it's true!

 

"It's just too odd and people they just wonder, like, who does this guy really want to work for? Who's he representing?"

 

Um, maybe he represents people who can think of things besides boobies all the time?