The Food Network

Someone always has the Food Network on at least one of the TVs in the gym (which is kinda weird to begin with) and I have noticed a pattern. Other than the great Paula Dean, everyone on the Food network is either a strangely large-headed woman( Giada De Laurentiis, Sandra Lee, Rachael Ray) or some spiky-haired dude that's gonna show ya how cooking ROCKS!

Here's a tip: grown women should Never use the word "yummy." It's not cute or endearing, it's cloying and puerile. There is nothing charming about infantilization. Oh, and Racheal, "yummo" is about a thousand times worse.

here's another tip: No one should ever use the word "tablescape" That is not a real word, and it does not make you sound sophisticated. It makes you sound like a person who makes up words. On today's "ridiculous crap with Sandra Lee" Ms Lee said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "This tablescape is what I call Retro-Chic and Ultra-Cool." Really? Because the rest of us call it garish and trailer-park tacky!

Oh, and a tip for Giada de Laurentus: You don't need to tell us every time an ingredient is Italian. "Marscapone Cheese, that's Italian!" "Amaretto, that's an Italian Liquer."
We've all had Italian food. We know what Italian food is. You don't see me going around saying "Oh, look a Volkswagen, that's German! Bratwurst, that's German! Oh, look, skinheads!" well, you get the idea.
And stop pretending that salt and pepper are your special secret ingredients. Everyone uses salt and pepper. They put them on the table at restaurants, for God's sake! We're not idiots!

But, then I guess that if we're watching your show, maybe we are.

Hans Asperger

I'm sorry, but if you discover a disease and your name sounds like ass-burger, you don't get to name it after yourself. No doctor should ever have to struggle to keep a straight face while telling parents "I'm sorry, but it seems your son has Ass Burgers." That's just not right.

Other people after whom diseases may not be named:


Musician Bruce Cockburn

Movie Actor Bob Cummings









Composer/ Pianist Dick Hyman


19th Century French Poet Honore' De Balzac



Race car driver Dick Trickle

"I'm sorry, Mr and Mrs Smith, your son has Dick Trickle's disease."

Blessed Arrows

This outfit, Blessed Arrows, actually raises money to pay for vasectomy and Tube-tie Reversals.
Because people who can't afford to pay for surgery really should be having lots and lots of kids!

These geniuses are affiliated with the egregious "quiverfull" movement that encourages evangelical nuts to have as many kids as possible. Each kid apparently is an arrow to be fired in the culture wars, so it's important to have your quiver full of these arrows or something like that.

Here is a picture from one of these lunatics' websites:



Ah, yes! Children as weapons! God love the family values crowd!

Here's a nice quote:
We believe that God is the best birth controller,

(I can think of a few more effective methods)

Oh, and they home-school! Good way to make sure your future jihadists don't get infected with any of that science!

March 1

No irritants this weekend.
Mrs. Chaos and I are celebrating her new job.
Her employment is very important as some of my nefarious schemes will require large capital investments.

Read the whole story of her job search at "Searching for Work in the ATL" (see link on the right)

It's worth your while, Mrs. Chaos is a very clever writer.

Homophobia

First, The Family Policy Council of West Virginia posts an ad depicting same-sex marriage advocates as snipers taking aim at hetero families. (link)
Then, This:

Debating a gay-rights bill on the floor of the state Senate on Monday, a Republican lawmaker took the rhetoric to new heights by equating homosexuality as a sin with murder.

"I'm not saying this (homosexuality) is the only sin that's out there," said Sen. Scott Renfroe, R-Greeley. "We have murder. We have all sorts of sin. We have adultery. And we don't make laws making those legal, and we would never think to make murder legal."

Oh, right, being gay is like being a murderer. I get it now! How could I have not seen it? Obviously, Freddy Mercury = Ted Bundy. It makes so much sense.

Oh, and obviously, gay marriage is what is destroying breeder marriage. It's the gays' fault that 50% of all breeder marriages end in divorce. And obviously its' the gays' fault that so many kids are born out of wedlock. Why, none of this was happening before Massachussets allowed dudes to marry each other. Why, divorce was unheard of!

What kind of morons come up with this shit?