Here are some phrases I could go the rest of my life without seeing or hearing again.

1. "Baby Bump"



I don't know why, there's just something creepy about this expression.
Plus it displays the emotional maturity of "look mommy, that lady has a baby in her tummy!"

2. "Man Cave"



I don't know what bothers me more. The idea that there are certain things, like sports, that are "man things," or that men who enjoy stereotypically male things should proudly consider themselves troglodytes.


 The missus and I enjoy watching sports together. I would venture to think that we're fairly typical that way. We both enjoy bar-games like pool or foozball about the same. So why would I want a room that's a "no girlz allowed" "man-cave?"


3. "Pardon Our Progress."



When a business is remodeling, they used to put up signs saying "pardon our dust" or "pardon our appearance" or whatever which was followed by "we're remodeling to better serve you," or whatever.
Suddenly, someone came up with the idea to switch to the snide, sarcastic "pardon our progress." Why would a business want to go with the message "Oh, excuuuuuse us for wanting to make some progress! I know a Luddite like you might find this hard to understand, but this is what's called an improvement! Um, you're welcome!"

I know there are others, but off the top of my head, these are the three that irk me most.
Any others that bug you? Leave them in the comments!

Some folks never learn.

After last Tuesday's loss, Republicans and conservatives are taking a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror, trying to figure out why their message didn't resonate more with the voters, and what they should do differently. . . just kidding, they're blaming everyone but themselves, of course!

Here's my favorite so far, "It's George Clooney's Fault."

(via Right Wing Watch)

The Men of the American Family Association Explain how George Clooney Swung the Election to Obama

See, you might have thought that a majority of the electorate just thought that, given the circumstances, Barack Obama had actually done relatively well in his first term, or that Mitt Romney was a horrible candidate that everyone hated, but a closer analysis reveals the true culprit:

 

No wonder he won't show his face!

American Family Association president Tim Wildmon and research director Ed Vitagliano today spoke to WorldNetDaily editor Joseph Farah about how they are all still astonished that Obama won re-election

Yeah, they're all "astonished," which says a lot about them. Even though all the polls showed Obama winning by a slim margin, they are just shocked that all the polls weren't wrong, I guess? Polls being sort of a nexus of two things they hate and believe are out to get them, media and academe. So, from what I hear, Mitt Romney and his campaign staff had no idea they might actually lose in real life until the actual night of the election. Yeah, stay in the FOX bubble, guys, we're fine out here in the real world without you.

Vitagliano: They said ‘what Hollywood star do women love’ and they found that they love overwhelmingly George Clooney,

Also, they love choice. And access to healthcare. But mostly George Clooney.

 so what they did is they went and got George Clooney to have a dinner with President Obama and then they had a big fundraiser and they said to women, ‘if you want to have dinner with George Clooney and President Obama here is how much you pay per plate for this big fundraiser.’ They did the same thing in the east with Sarah Jessica Parker, who was a beloved icon of many women. 

Name one. 

Name one woman for whom Sarah Jessica Parker is a "beloved icon." 

So what they did, and it’s brilliant even while cynical, is they hooked women to Obama through these Hollywood stars. These women were saying well ‘George Clooney loves President Obama,’ and a fair number of them I’m guessing said, ‘so I love President Obama,’ and the same thing with Sarah Jessica Parker.

See, now this is where a normal person, if there was a normal person in the studio, would step in and say "maybe women aren't voting for you because this is what you think of them. You think that they will vote for whomever Mr. Sexypants movie star seems to like.  And you're saying this on the radio, not behind closed doors. You're going out in public and asking "why won't these stupid jerk women vote for us?'"

But of course, there was no normal person in the AFA studio. They have rules, you know.

And, by the way, if women voted for whichever candidate has the hottest movie star endorsement, President Kerry would be wrapping up his second term.  

In the November 2004 presidential race, Pitt endorsed Democrat John Kerry, and famously hung a Kerry banner outside his Hollywood mansion. Pitt also hosted pre-election screenings of Going Upriver, a documentary about Kerry

Oh, and Gay Marriage would be mandatory

But I digress.

That to me, and this is obviously an overstatement, that to me is not what the Founding Fathers envisioned that when they were hoping for a well-informed electorate being advised of the issues and studying the issues,

Yeas, the Founding Fathers envisioned elections won by whichever candidate could best take the other's words out of context, twisting them beyond recognition.  The Founders envisioned an America where the candidate who was chummy with the most conspiracy-spewing blowhard ass-clowns would be declared the winner by mutual assent!

 

Farah concurred and said Hollywood is “bombarding” Americans with “unconstitutional” and “ungodly” ideas, and asserted that even law schools no longer teach the Constitution.

 

  

Farah: That’s right. We think these decisions that America made on Election Day every four years or every two years but they’re really not; how does George Clooney become this icon to women? 

  

Yes, what do they see in him? 

And why is he always trying to turn me gay?

 Farah: When you look at that election map and you see the big swaths of red and the little pockets of blue and the little pockets of blue are dictating to the big swaths of red. This isn’t new, this isn’t just in 2012, this has been the case for many, many years, every election in my lifetime has been like this but it’s getting worse

I miss the good old days, when elections were decided by number of hectares, not number of people voting.

  So what’s the answer? I think there’s only a couple of things we can do, we’ve talked about them before together, I think it is very important that Christians get down on their knees and tremble before God for what has happened to this country,

If there's a problem that can't be solved with a good trembling, I'm not aware of it.

Wildmon: This was history made Tuesday night in this respect: a fellow won re-election for president who was by all measurements a failure, an utter and complete failure. 

What? Bush is back? Shit!

No, I guess when you live in the bubble, you see Obama as an utter complete failure, even though he did manage to pass limited healthcare reform, the market is up, employment is slowly improving,  there is a consumer financial protection thingy, torture is illegal again, and the stimulus worked. (Although it would have worked a lot better had he not been dead-set on trying to please Republicans)

So, the bad news is, they will never learn. The good news is, they will never learn. Which means they will keep running teabagger-certified nutcases for public office until their entire party becomes obsolete if we're all very lucky.

Victory Dance!

For at least one day, I'm going to enjoy this.







I know, Barack Obama is far from perfect, but today, VICTORY DANCE!




It's not even so much that Barack Obama won, but some truly despicable people lost.


 


Joe Walsh, the deadbeat dad, GONE!
Allen West, unrepentant war criminal, Buh-Bye!
Richard Mourdock, bag of scum, DEFEATED!
Todd "legitimate rape" Akin, YOU ARE DISMISSED!






I know, in a day or two we're all going to have to start writing our senators and representatives demanding that there be no "Grand Bargain," because Barack Obama has always proven himself to be waaaaaay too eager to compromise with the right, but for today. . . .

Mr. Rogers Weighs In

Election Night Blogging

7:00pm:
Richard Mourdock is leading? How in the hell is anyone voting for Richard "rape pregnancies are God's plan" Mourdock?

7:10:
Geezus, Tim Kaine, if you can't beat George "Macaca" Allen, you might as well hang it up!

7:11:
I think Mitt Romney just won President of Kentucky.

Chuck Todd looks like a rumpled drunk.
Also, I hate that guy.

7:30:
Is South Carolina in play? That's pretty shocking.

How is Sherrod Brown not blowing out Josh Mandel? The guy called Mourdock a "class act!" How is that not electoral poison?

Oh, and speaking of Mourdock, he's losing now. So things are not completely insane.

7:35:
Aaaaaand, it's gone! South Carolina goes for Romney. I knew that was too weird to be true. I've been to South Carolina, there's no way Obama was going to have a chance there.

7:40:
Why does Chuck Todd keep saying that Barack Obama is "overperforming" in this or that county? How does one "over-perform?"
On a related note, why is Chuck Todd on television?

7:45:
Wow, is Ezra Klein wearing lipstick?
I'm not saying it's not workin'.

7:50:
Barack Obama is leading in Florida. Let the shenanigans begin!

8:00:
I just found out that if the National League team wins the World Series, the Democrats win the White House, so another good reason to love the SF Giants.
And hate the Yankees.

8:05:
Congratulations, Angus King. Cool to see another independent.

8:10:
Chuck Todd: if Obama wins 60% of Hispanics, he can't lose Florida. It will certainly make it too close to call all night. If that makes sense to you, congratulations, you're Chuck Todd!

8:15:
Oh my God, Chris Matthews, there IS NO  BRADLEY EFFECT! How are you trotting that shit out in 2012?

8:20:
Howard Feinman just pronounced "Stratum" like "Stray-tum." Have I been saying it wrong all these years?

8:25:
Chris Matthews, you really shouldn't brag about being good friends with the people you're supposed to cover.

8:30:
You know, Rachel Maddow, you really don't need to break in to tell us that Romney is winning Arkansas.

8:40:
Just saw this picture of the world's most douchey furries:


8:45:
Oh, hey, here's an idea. How about NOT interviewing Ken Blackwell? The guy can't even get through his bullshit talking points without smirking.

8:47:
Ken Blackwell is more full of shit than a fertilizer factory. Just don't have him on the show. Don't give this liar a platform.

8:50:
Blackwell is lucky he didn't come in studio for this interview, because Al Sharpton and Ed Schultz would be beating his ass right now.

Don't you apologize to him, Rachel!

8:55:
Apparently, #VoteWhite  is a real thing on Twitter:

The Funny Racist™ ‏@TheFunnyRacist

I heard Michelle Obama will be wearing a cotton dress tonight. I wonder if she "picked it" out herself? #VoteWhite
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Carter Bloom ‏@CarterBloom

Remember commit to Mitt! #VoteWhite
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"Johnny Bravo" is apparently a HUUUUUUGE piece of shit:

Profile summary
Johnny Bravo
Johnny Bravo
@Jsiweckyj

Thug life

Don't #VoteObama do the right thing and #VoteWhite


@NatTowsen hey after slavery they were free to go back to Africa. #whiteandproud
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1h Johnny Bravo Johnny Bravo ‏@Jsiweckyj

@NatTowsen @m_lehman24 oh they need protection now? Well maybe I wanna get some of the klan out and about and "protect" "whitey"
1h Johnny Bravo Johnny Bravo ‏@Jsiweckyj

9:05:
The Electoral College was the founders' worst idea, totally anti-democratic (intentionally) but it sure makes election night more exciting. It's like the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament: Breaking news, there's an upset brewing in Carolina!

9:10:
NBC should totally not be doing this "democracy Plaza" or whatever thing when so many New Yorkers are still without electricity. The money they spent turning Rockefeller Center into a giant election map could maybe have been spent better?

9:15:
Wasn't Pennsylvania supposed to be a "swing state?" Obama is destroying Romney there!

9:17:
I didn't know Tammy Baldwin was gay. You go, Wisconsin!

9:25:
This exists:


9:35:
Gee, adding Paul Ryan to the ticket didn't help Mittens in Wisconsin! I'm shocked!

9:45:
Yay! Mourdock slinks home in defeat! Which is something that God intended to happen.

9:47:
Um, Chuck Todd, when you say "46+4+50," which you really needn't say, you totally don't need to add "that's Five-Oh." No one was asking "did he say 50 or 15?"

9:50:
 If Elizabeth Warren had lost, I would have wept myself to death by dehydration.

10:05:
Down goes Akin! Don't worry, maybe it wasn't a legitimate defeat.

10:10:
Linda McMahon lost? But her husband is a famous buffoon! That totally qualifies her to hold elected office!

 

Senatorial!   

10:15:
Hey, Chuck Todd, the election is going on RIGHT NOW! Are you seriously running a segment entitled "road to 270, WHAT IF?"

10:20:
Ben Nelson replaced by a Republican? But how will we tell the difference?

10:25:
I know there's a long way to go, but my brain is still on daylight savings time and I'm going to bed.