The War on Christmas is So Gay!

Bill O’Reilly Blames Gays For The ‘War On Christmas’

By Zack Ford on Dec 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Sure, Bill. The gays guys, they just hate Christmas! Nothing a gay  guy hates more than a holiday with music, bright lights, and colorful decorations!




Hmm, maybe you meant the lady gays? You know, the Gaydies?



Noooo. . .  not them either. They seem to like Christmas too. So why would the gay folks be leading the made-up War on Christmas? Which, of course, is not at all real. Certainly not very, very real.

MCGUIRK: The war on Christmas is very, very real, and if you ask me, in addition to some grouchy misanthropic heathen atheists it has to do — at the root of it — with two things — abortion and the gay rights agenda, because Christianity is against those things. It’s subtle but that’s why it’s so pronounced in recent years.
O’REILLY: Hundred percent agree. I absolutely agree 100 percent that the diminishment of Christianity is the target and Christmas is the vehicle because the secularists know the opposition to their agenda (legalized drugs is in that as well) comes primarily from the Judeo-Christian traditionalist people.

Oh, sure. Now it makes sense! Because gay people like to get lots of abortions!




You know, gay people, this probably isn't the best battle plan you could have chosen.


How does this work? "we'll get people to start saying "Happy Holidays, and  get the Manger scenes out of City Hall.  Soon people will forget about the whole baby Jesus part of Christmas other than when they hear about half of the Christmas songs or attend church services or see all the Jesusy decorations people put up on their front lawns. After a few decades, people will surely abandon their religion and we'll be free to take all the drugs and have all the hot gay sex we want!"

It might have been easier to let corporate America continue to wring all the religion out of Christmas in the name of profits and maybe concentrate on, oh I don't know, pointing out all the sexual abuse committed by clergymen? Maybe that might be an easier way to "diminish Christianity?"

 


Or maybe you don't meet in secret cabals scheming up ways to destroy all that Bill O'Reilly holds sear. maybe you're busy living your lives, working your jobs, spending time with your friends or whatever. I don't know, I'm not some sort of expert. But whatever you're doing it's driving Bill-O crazy. Keep it up!

Antonin Scalia is somewhat similar to a pig-fucking imbecile.

Scalia: It’s ‘effective’ to compare homosexuality to bestiality and murder

Scalia was explaining to a question by a gay student, Duncan Hosie, who asked the conservative judge why he considers it necessary to draw parallels between laws banning LGBT sex and laws banning bestiality and murder.
“I don’t think it’s necessary, but I think it’s effective,” Scalia replied,

Yes, it is effective. Just like robbing folks is an effective way to get monies. But robbing is still considered a pretty shitty thing to do.

It might also be "effective" to compare Antonin Scalia to a pig-fucking imbecile. I'm not saying that Antonin Scalia is the same thing as a pig-fucking imbecile, it's just a rhetorical device. I'm just saying that Antonin Scalia is analogous to a pig-fucking imbecile.

What the hell is it going to take to get this pig-fucking imbecile off of the bench?

So What Did I Miss?

We're back in the good ol' U.S. of A, did I miss anything interesting while I was gone?

Oh, let's see. . .


God damn it, Wanda Jackson played Atlanta's Terminal West while we were in Mexico! Fucking figures!

What else?

Jim DeMint is resigning? I have to assume he's being investigated for something, no way he just gives up his Senate seat for, what, a change of scenery?

 

 “I’m leaving the Senate now, but I’m not leaving the fight. I’ve decided to join The Heritage Foundation at a time when the conservative movement needs strong leadership in the battle of ideas,” DeMint said in a statement.

So, sure he's going on wingnut welfare, but he could have done that any time. Something's gotta be coming down the pipeline.

 also. . .

Tucker Carlson's egregious vanity project the "Daily Caller" does super-serious journalism slut-shames Taylor Swift.

Wow, Taylor Swift really gets around

 

  After a summer of stalking the Kennedy family by holding hands with high schooler Conor Kennedy, country singer Taylor Swift, 22, reportedly fell very swiftly (get it?) into the arms of One Direction’s Harry Styles, 18, when things ended with the Deerfield Academy junior in October. 

For a woman-child who paints a picture of innocence in all her A-line dresses, high necklines, blonde bangs and saccharine-sweet lyrics, Swift really gets around.

Here is a roundup of Swift’s (alleged) boyfriends over the past few years, ranging from the barely legal pool to much older and more disgusting  – (cough) John Mayer (cough).

Why is it anyone's business whom she dates? No explanation is forthcoming from the sad gossip-mongers at the Daily Caller.

 Swift was then linked to Taylor Lautner, who is the target of many a gay rumor since he just sort of gives off that vibe, and Cory Monteith, who is also the victim of many a gay rumor since he stars on “Glee.” (He now dates “Glee” costar Lea Michelle.)

Because what goes better with slut-shaming than a side of homophobia?

Then there were the Jake Gyllenhaal photo-ops of 2010, when Swift and the older actor were seen holding hands a lot and drinking coffee

Holding hands AND drinking coffee? What a scandal! 

In Salt Lake City.

In 1952.

“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is allegedly about Gyllenhaal, because apparently he did not want to simply “hit it and quit it” (as the kids say) and kept trying to get back together with her even though he didn’t like her lousy music. (Again, can you really blame the guy?)

First of all, no the kids do not say "hit it and quit it." Secondly, what did this girl ever do to you? This really feels like a personal grudge.

Honestly, how is Taylor Swift's love life more of a scandal than the fact that she appears to be made of something other than human flesh.

 

Japanese sex robot?

 

And speaking of ridiculous non-scandals, the Republicans are still trying to manufacture a scandal out of the thin air of Benghazi. 

Apparently, they've decided to narrow the focus of their war on women to a war on one particular woman, Susan Rice.

 

In the movie version, she'll be played by Maya Rudolph

 

If I understand correctly, the "scandal" is that Ms Rice said something which may have not been exactly true in an interview, which had the consequences of , um. . . hmm! I don't know what bad things are supposed to have happened as a result of Ms Rice's repeating what the CIA told her to say. 

But why let that stand in the way of a good smear campaign? Usually when you hurl accusations at someone, it's at least clear what it is she's being accused of, but whatever! 

And in a stunning display of shamelessness, Dan Senor surfaced to criticize Susan Rice on the Sunday bull session:

Dan Senor, the former spokesman for the Provisional Coalition Authority, or whatever it was called. The face of the Iraq debacle, Dan Senor. Questioning someone's credibility. Wow!

What else?

Oh, Newt Gingrich has found a new grift:

It had to happen: A start-up company is offering rides to the moon. Book your seat now — though it’s going to set you back $750 million (it’s unclear if that includes baggage fees).

Everything will be automated and controlled from Earth. It’ll be like taking a train, the company said.

The company’s board of advisers includes former speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who during the Republican primaries early this year said that as president he’d establish a permanent moon base by 2021.

Gingrich has to be smart enough to see what a dumbfuck business model this is, a moon-tourism company? Selling $750 million tickets? Ridiculous zillionaires can already buy their way on to a Russian space ship, but sure, there's probably a whole bunch of potential customers who haven't yet done it. This business should be belly-up within the year, but Newt will have lined his pockets with "advisory fees" and God knows he isn't putting up any of his own money.

Fleeing the Country

We're gonna flee like McAfee!

Yes, Team Chaos will be temporarily relocating to the sunny shores of an undisclosed location South of the Border. (hint: it rhymes with Schmexico).

We'll be back as soon as the heat dies down, or Monday. Whichever comes first.

Meanwhile, please enjoy los gatos en los sombreros:

 







Viva Mexicats!

Republicans Continue to Be Presidents of Fantasyland

Via PPP:

49% of GOP voters nationally say they think that ACORN stole the election for President Obama. We found that 52% of Republicans thought that ACORN stole the 2008 election for Obama, so this is a modest decline, but perhaps smaller than might have been expected given that ACORN doesn't exist anymore.

 (emphasis added)

49%! Pretty much HALF of all Republican voters in the nation believe in the paranoid fantasy dreamed up by the McCain campaign even though the scenario is now literally impossible. This is why Republicans can not be reasoned with. They are not reasonable people. They are delusional paranoid fools who live in a virtual reality of their own making. They live in a world where the fact that the average temperature increases every year is no reason to think that global warming isn't a dastardly hoax being played by evil liberal scientists. They inhabit a reality in which the most ineffectual organization on the planet, the UN, is on the verge of flying their secret black helicopters into every city in the world to whisk people off to FEMA camps in the desert. They exist in a universe where you can balance the budget by bringing in less revenue. They believe that America is the greatest, most powerful country in the history of the world, but if we cut one fucking dime from the military budget, we will be utterly defenseless against the scary Muslims.
These folks are crazy, and the sooner the President realizes that he can not reason with lunatics, the better.