Creepy Ads

Anyone else think this guy is marrying the mom to get at the daughter?

I'm pretty sure the "open-heart-surgery" necklace is meant to be a romantic type gift, even though it is a  butt-ugly tacky piece of costume jewelry. And he's giving the little girl the same one as the mom? And telling her about how glad he is that she came into his life? While sitting on the swingset? I think he's about to ask her to go steady!




The ad for "Dream Lites" seems designed to give me nightmares.






First of all, that is the spookiest song I've heard since the "One, Two Freddie's coming for you" song from A Nightmare on Elm Street. And then the animal projects some disembodied face onto the ceiling, grinning its hideous grin down at the child, just waiting for him to fall asleep.

Orange County is the Missouri of California

Todd Akin isn't the only asshole who thinks he knows things about womens' bodies and "legitimate rape."

Calif. judge says victims' body can prevent rape

"I'm not a gynecologist, but I can tell you something: If someone doesn't want to have sexual intercourse, the body shuts down. The body will not permit that to happen unless a lot of damage is inflicted, and we heard nothing about that in this case," Johnson said. 

Not a gynecologist. Or a halfway-decent human being, apparently.

I wonder if there's any way he could make this worse?

That tells me that the victim in this case, although she wasn't necessarily willing, she didn't put up a fight. And to treat this case like the rape cases that we all hear about is an insult to victims of rape. I think it's an insult. I think it trivializes a rape.

So, if the rapist holds a gun on his victim so that she has to not fight back in order to survive, that doesn't count?

Is that what happened in this case?

Johnson made the comments in the case of a man who threatened to mutilate the face and genitals of his ex-girlfriend with a heated screwdriver, beat her with a metal baton and made other violent threats before committing rape, forced oral copulation, and other crimes.

So, I assume that this horrible disgusting person has been removed from the bench? Disbarred? Tarred and feathered?

 The California Commission on Judicial Performance voted 10-0 to impose a public admonishment Thursday, saying Superior Court Judge Derek Johnson's comments were inappropriate and a breach of judicial ethics.

Oh, God Damn It! Seriously? An admonishment?
 Is it maybe that he made these disgusting comments but then threw the book at the rapist anyway? Please be that.

Johnson said he believed the prosecutor's request of a 16-year sentence was not authorized by law. Johnson sentenced the rapist to six years instead, saying that's what the case was "worth."

I give up.

Idiotic Quote of the Day (non-school-shooting-related)

Because I don't want to think about guns and kids getting killed anymore, a reminder that Steve King (R-Idiculous) is still the looniest idiot in Congress (Sorry, Ms Bachmann)

“I believe that it’s a lot bigger than Watergate, and if you link Watergate and Iran-Contra together and multiply it times maybe 10 or so, you’re going to get in the zone where Benghazi is,” Mr. King said. “I don’t think the public has any idea, and I tell you, I don’t either, of the chronology of the events — what took place, and who was where doing what and why. And all the way down through — we still haven’t seen an autopsy report on the ambassador yet. Simple questions that you would ask in the first 24 hours have not been asked yet.”

I don't have any idea what happened, but I know that it is 10 times worse than Watergate multiplied by Iran-Contra. Wow! Just stunning. Just let that sink in for a moment. Can you imagine a stupider thing anyone could possibly say on any subject?

Horrible Gift Lists

These are from the list of "Coolest Gifts for Men" from Men's Health:

Nike+ FuelBand

Charge it up via your USB port and the exterior lights up into a glowing LED display. Then set your fitness goals for the day. From that point forward, every movement you make counts as “fuel” as an accelerometer built into the wristband measures your energy expenditure. When it’s glowing red, you’ve got work to do. When it’s green, you’ve earned the right to relax.

Great. Or, you could just realize that you're a grown man and this is America and you can relax whenever you goddamm want, and you don't need a fucking electric douche bracelet telling you when you've "earned" that right.

Happy Socks

Yes, we know—usually nothing says "lame Christmas gift" like a pair of socks. But Santa has never seen ones like these. As we said in How to Spice Up a Black Suit, below-the-ankle flair is an easy way to show off your style—and this four-pack from Happy Socks can make even your least style-savvy relative look suave. Feet don't fail you now. $29

Perfect for the obnoxious boob in your life!

Helo TC iOS Helicopter

It’s hardly the most productive use of your iPhone, but it might be the most entertaining. Griffin’s Helo TC model helicopter turns your phone into an infrared control panel used to steer the indoor miniature RC chopper using a simple, on-screen joystick. The coolest feature: “Recordable” routes that allow you to program a flight pattern—over the couch, through the kitchen, around the dog, and on top of the fridge—and then “play them back” hands-free to the bewilderment of your friends. $50

 I thought this was a list of gifts for grown men?

Stevenson Skull Cap

We've come a long way from the wharfs—but the whole dock worker look hasn't lost its cool. For a major step up from the usual wool cap, consider this model from denim stalwarts Stevenson Overall Co.. Manufactured in Japan, these hats were hand-dipped in Indigo dye (which will impress any of your younger relatives), with cotton stitching and threads spun from a hand-powered loom. In other words, they were made with great care to look badass. Mission accomplished. $150

Sure, if you want to spend $150 for a hat that looks exactly like the $5 Wal*Mart hat. And if you have any relatives who are impressed by hand-dipped indigo dye, disown them immediately.

Coach Leather Gloves

Those $5 drugstore mitts your dad's been rocking for the last few winters just ain't gonna cut it any more. It's time for an upgrade. Get him these cashmere-lined deerskin gloves from Coach, which will instantly elevate any outfit he wears them with while providing luxurious comfort and warmth. Hell, it may even get him excited to go out and shovel the driveway. $148

The ideal gift for the effete, foppish dandy in your life. And if you spent $148 on gloves and he's wearing them to shovel snow, he's just asking for it.

The Art of Shaving Kit

Shaving shouldn't just be a routine—it should be a pleasurable ritual.

Perhaps it should be, but it isn't. And never will be. And really shouldn't be. No ritual involving sharp blades should be pleasurable. No one enjoys a bris.

This four-component kit from the Art of Shaving (a brand that appeared in the 2012 Men's Health Grooming Awards) has got the goods, including a protective pre-shave oil, moisturizing cream, soothing aftershave, and a brush to make sure any skin type stays smooth even after all that scraping. And that’s something every man on your list can appreciate. $60

Every man except ones who exist.

Hot Wheels Video Racer

 

Grown. Men.

DeltaFIT Speed Shred DVD Set 

We all know how the holidays can add on some extra pounds. So what better way to get back into shape for the New Year than with DeltaFIT Speed Shred, the all-new workout series from Men's Health metabolic training expert B.J. Gaddour?

It's the gift that says "you're fat and gross. Get moving, fatty!"

American Standard Stratocaster

 

Okay, Yes. God, yes!

Virginia Foxx Goes Christian Bale on Staffers

(via MaddowBlog)

Last week, there was a bit of a stir surrounding Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) upbraiding a House staffer riding with her in a "members only" elevator. Foxx reportedly said to the staffer, "This is a 'members-only' elevator; can you read?" before demanding the aide exit at the next floor.

As it turns out, the article brought out others who faced similar treatment (via Jamison Foser).

One tipster recalls it was either the first or second week of his congressional internship in October of last year when he was running an errand to a committee room, and still had a "healthy fear of the members-only elevator."
But after seeing a parcel deliveryman hop on one of the lifts in the Longworth House Office Building, our source stepped on, too. The deliveryman got off on the next floor, and that's when Foxx got on.
Our insider says the congresswoman asked if he had seen the "members-only" sign outside the elevator before demanding his name and the office he worked for.

The aide added, "She walked up to a [Capitol] police officer and told on me for riding on her elevator, and he was as dumbfounded as I was."

Then another House staffer said he, too, was reprimanded by Foxx in the members-only elevator, in which she asked whether he could read and demanded his congressional ID.

 

For the record, the signs at the elevators say they are reserved for members of Congress "during votes." 

Foxx, according to The Hill report, didn't care. 

I swear, Virginia Foxx is such a nasty person, if it were possible to take a photograph of her soul, it would look like Virginia Foxx!

 I know, it was a long way to go for that joke, but I've been waiting a while to use that one. Finally Virginia Foxx got her horrible self back in the news!