In case you were wondering whether Corporate America has completely captured all of our Regulatory Agencies. . .

. . . Yes. Yes they have.

FAA puts no-fly zone over Arkansas oil spill with Exxon employee in charge                            

Published time: April 04, 2013 03:59

 

 

  

The FAA announced a temporary no-fly zone would be enacted indefinitely over the Arkansas oil spill. With word that an Exxon employee was controlling the airspace, though, speculation pointed to the idea the oil company was trying to keep the media away. 

The right of the people to know who is fucking up their land air and water is obviously less important than Exxon's right to minimize negative publicity!

The Federal Aviation Administration announced Monday that until further notice, no aircraft will be allowed to operate over the Mayflower oil spill in Conway, Arkansas. While there was scant explanation for the mandate, it was “effective immediately” - and ordered to stay in place “until further notice.”

Until Exxon tells us we can lift it.

Adult Swim fans will recognize this as the Dan Halen/Sheriff relationship.

The FAA's online posting raised some questions Wednesday, though, by noting that “only relief aircraft operations under direction of Tom Suhrhoff” are permitted in the area. On his LinkedIn profile, Suhrhoff lists himself not as an emergency expert or safety official, but as an aviation adviser for ExxonMobil.

The US government has officially placed an Exxon/Mobil employee in charge of this bit of US airspace. I think I've lost the capacity to be shocked.

Items on the Home Depot Website that are Less Exciting Than They Sound

 

W.M. Harvey Ball Cock/Flapper Kit

Store SO SKU#

 

Everbilt 3-1/2 in. x 5/8 in. Radius Durable Black Butt Marker

 

  

 

 

Westinghouse 3 in. Nipples (2-Pack) 

    

 

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

Klean-Strip1 gal. Premium Stripper

            

 

 

 

 

EpicureanistDecanter Cleaning Balls

 

 

 

Sorry, I was in a hurry. Giants/Dodgers on TV again tonight!

I don't have a title for this

Netflix just added season 2 of "The Killing," so I may be incommunicado for a while.




Meanwhile, speaking of AMC shows. . .

A town in Georgia has decided to become a real-life Woodbury

 

Meet your new Mayor!

 

Late Monday, Nelson, Georgia passed a law called the “Family Protection Ordinance” that requires every adult in the 1,300-person town to own a gun “for purposes of emergency management and general safety of the city.”

 

 

How exactly is arming everyone in town going to contribute to "general safety?"

 

The town’s Police Chief, Heath Mitchell, told the AP that he hopes “having a gun would help residents take their protection into their own hands,” since the town has an understaffed police department and slow response time to 911 calls.

 

What?

The chief of police wants people to take things into their own hands? What kind of a law enforcement official wants citizens to take the law into their own hands?

 

 

 

 



One councilman even used the National Rifle Association’s call for arming all Americans to defend the law, saying “I really felt like this ordinance was a security sign for our city. Basically it was a deterrent ordinance to tell potential criminals they might want to go on down the road a little bit.”

 

 

Also anyone who does not enjoy being shot all the time. They might also want to go down the road a bit.

 

You know, seems like this ordinance might be a bit difficult to enforce.

 

Councilman Duane Cronic, who sponsored the measure, said he knows the ordinance won’t be enforced but he still believes it will make the town safer

 

 

 

It won't be enforced, but somehow this non-enforced law will still. . . what?

 

 

The city council’s agenda says another purpose of the measure is “opposition of any future attempt by the federal government to confiscate personal firearms.”

 

 



 





Ohhhhh, now I get it. It's an imaginary law to protect against an imaginary threat! Now it makes perfect sense!

Now you see why we rarely venture outside the city limits of Atlanta.

 

 

 

They call 285 "the Perimeter." We call it "the Moat."

Jillian Micheals is Coming to the Fabulous Fox Theater

Which seems sort of odd, because , being only vaguely aware of her existence, I wasn't aware of her having any sort of marketable talent other than being remarkably physically fit. And as far as I know, no one is going to pay $40 to watch someone be physically fit.

 

 

Check out these fuckin' abs!

That'll be 40 bucks, please! 

 

For those of you not familiar with the Fox theater, it is this:

 

 

 

 

One of the last of the great old movie palaces of the 1930's.

 

Over the years, the Fox has hosted luminaries from Jack Benny to Liberace, to Tom Waits to Leonard Cohen. Although it is mostly famous for being the theater that most people think hosted the premiere of Gone With The Wind. (It actually debuted at the Lowes Atlanta)

 

 

Holy fuck! Sixteen Bucks?

 

 

So what is Jillian Micheals going to do at the Fox? Does she fancy herself a singer? An actress? A stand-up comic? No. She's doing this:

 

Are You Ready?

Jillian Michaels is hitting the road with her first-ever “MAXIMIZE YOUR LIFE” tour, a unique LIVE experience designed to help you build the life of your dreams.

 

 

 

Which couldn't possibly be a scam! Apparently, she's banking on their being enough gullible boobs in each city who are just that eager to be parted from their money.

 

You’ve watched her on TV and witnessed the powerful life transformations Jillian Michaels has helped so many achieve. Now, it’s your turn! Don't miss this intimate and uniquely personal LIVE experience coming to 34 cities in the United States and Canada this spring. Let Jillian show YOU how to harness your potential, kick-start your goals, and live the exceptional life that you’ve always wanted, but thought wasn’t possible.

 

 

 Hmm, sound like a lot of hype and empty promises to me. Probably no results, either.

 

No hype, no false promises: just results.

 

So how does she accomplish this life transformation process? She doesn't say. I guess you have to pay your 40 bucks to find out, although I'll wager it has something to do with weight loss?

 

 

 

You too can transform yourself from an attractive young woman into someone who could be mistaken for a man!

 

 

Because all I know about her is that she's part of the "Biggest Loser" show, a show in which morbidly obese people are screamed at while performing the kinds of exercise that could give a fit person a heart attack.

 

 

 

 



 Seriously, it's only a matter of time until they kill someone on that show.

 

 

Let's have this guy drag a sled uphill! What could possibly go wrong?

 

Although, I suppose it's to be expected in a society wherein being dead is preferable to being overweight to a lot of folks. I guess what I'm saying is that Jillian Micheals is a perfect encapsulation of everything that's wrong with our modern culture. A culture obsessed with physical attractiveness. A culture that rewards the famous merely for being famous, not because of any actual accomplishments. And a culture where an alarming number of people will tune in to television shows just to watch someone be mean and rude to someone weaker than they are.

 

 

 

At least Ramsay doesn't scream at little girls.

 

I should probably add for the record that I am probably about 20 lbs overweight and I get winded watching televised sports. But still, Jillian Micheals? At the Fox? Ugh!







A brief hiatus with kittens

We will be offline for a few days while we head West to inspect our operations in the Pacific Northwest. There should be fairly frequent Twitter updates here: https://twitter.com/@akaprofessorcha if you miss the smart-aleckry.

Meanwhile, here are kittens: