Did anyone not see this coming?

Armed standoff in Oregon endures

What did you think would happen?
What did you think would happen when you let them get away with this shit once? What did you foresee happening when these assholes pointed assault weapons at law enforcement, faced zero consequences, and were able to declare victory and go home?
Did you think that they would say to themselves "boy we were lucky to have gotten away with that. Let's not push our luck, from now on, it's law-abiding-citizenship for me!"
Did you somehow not anticipate that these knuckle-dragging mouth breathers would say "hell, that was easy! Let's find another phony provocation over which to commit another act of sedition."
Just like when the Mujahideen was able to defeat the Soviets, they didn't go home and thank their lucky stars and promise not to ever take such a foolish risk again. No, they said "hey, we defeated one super-power, let's change our name to al Queda and start attacking America!" So of course these assholes are doing this shit again.

Look at this guy:

Ammon Bundy addresses the media at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge near Burns, Ore., on Jan. 5, 2016.

He's obviously got no fear of being arrested. He's out there addressing reporters like some goddamm football coach or something, they could just grab him up right there. But they're letting him get away with it.


And what is the endgame here? What exactly are these cousin-humping lunatics trying to accomplish? Let's say that by some miracle, the Federal Government slaps its collective forehead and says "oh my gosh, we've been reading the Constitution wrong all these years. Thank God that these uneducated yokels explained to us the proper way to interpret this clause. We, the Federal Government, are not allowed to own any land at all. Well, we must divest ourselves of this ill-gotten property at once!" What happens then? Cuz it seems like there are two possibilities. One, the land in question would be given to the state of Oregon, in which case you're just sending your grazing-fee check to Salem instead of to DC. Or, and this seems more likely, they sell the land at auction, someone much richer than you buys it up and charges you a hell of a lot more than the buck and a quarter per head you've been paying the Feds.
Either way, that land is not going to become some free-for-all, people's prairie where all are welcome to grazr to their heart's content, to each according to his need in this workers' paradise.

Oh, and speaking of things everyone should have seen coming:

Mother Jones:

Ammon Bundy runs a Phoenix-based company called Valet Fleet Services LLC, which specializes in repairing and maintaining fleets of semitrucks throughout Arizona. On April 15, 2010—Tax Day, as it happens—Bundy's business borrowed $530,000 through a Small Business Administration loan guarantee program. The available public record does not indicate what the loan was used for or whether it was repaid. The SBA website notes that this loan guarantee was issued under a program "to aid small businesses which are unable to obtain financing in the private credit marketplace." The government estimated that this subsidy could cost taxpayers $22,419. Bundy did not respond to an email request for comment about the SBA loan.

Yep, scratch an anti-government libertarian, find a user of government programs. . .  okay, that was terrible. But the point is that Ammon Bundy, like most anti-government pig people, is only anti-government until it comes to programs that can help him personally. Then maybe guv'mint not so bad?


Oh, and this also was fairly predictable:


The Huffington Post reports:

In the parking lot of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge - which the militants stormed and took over on Saturday in the name of grazing privileges - a man who claimed to be a body guard for the group's leaders said they are facing worse resistance than Black Lives Matter, a nationwide campaign to end police brutality against people of color.

Yes, the resistance you guys are facing, which could best be summed up as what, mild disapproval? is so much worse than. . . um. . . wait. It's not worse than anything. You people are facing NOTHING. Every protest group in history has faced worse pushback than you, except for the Tea Party, I guess.

"The Black Lives Matter movement, they can go and protest, close freeways down and all that stuff, and they don't get any backlash, not on the level that we're getting," said the man, who identified himself as "Fluffy Unicorn."

Fluffy. . . ? You know what, I'm just gonna skip over that.
Let's just look at a couple of things:

Several Arrests Made Amid Black Lives Matter Protest at Mall of America

Police Arrest Dozens of Black Lives Matter Protesters, Body Slam Man in Ferguson

9 Arrested After Black Lives Matter Activists Shut Down Southbound 405 Fwy Near LAX

 So, no backlash. Okayyyyy. . . .
Jeez, I mean I know you people have a genetic pre-disposition to cry-babyism, but for fuck sake! Many many BLM protestors have been arrested. Many have been tear-gassed, beaten, this is what BLM activists are confronted with:

 

 

And, granted, a lot of those protesters were trespassing and/or engaging in disorderly conduct, and many were being black in public, but they were also unarmed. You guys, on the other hand, took up arms against the United States Government, made threats against law enforcement, seized a government-owned building, and you've faced. . . . what, exactly? getting made fun of on the Daily Show? Running out of snacks? The threat of having the power cut off from this building that you don't own and have no right to be in?

And all this for what? To defend a couple of arsonists who have made it clear that they do not want your "help?"

These bastards better do time this time.

2015, the Year in Television, Part III

Comeback of the Year:

Hell on Wheels



After seemingly spending the entire 2014 season punishing Common for leaving the cast, I had given up on Hell on Wheels. The Missus, being the wiser of us two, decided we should give it another chance. And it came back strong with a new plotline about Chinese railroad workers and their treatment at the hands of Union Pacific as well as a new love interest for Cullen Bohannon.
Welcome back, Hell on Wheels!

 Saddest sight on television:

The Simpsons

Watching what was once the best show on TV limping along for yet another season as if no one has told them that they haven't been funny in a decade is just depressing. It's Willie Mays with the Mets, it's Joe Namath with the Rams, it's the Rolling Stones recording "A Bigger Bang" in 2005. It's a travesty. And it's heartbreaking, considering what this show used to mean to a lot of us people of a certain age.

Most Important Show:

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver


Well, this was a no-brainer since we lost both Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report.
In fact, watching Trevor Noah trying to fill Stewart's shoes on the Daily Show is a close second for saddest sight on TV.

Best Animated Series:

Archer

I don't think anyone else is even close. Not even Bob's Burgers. The writing on FX's Archer is just too good, too sharp, to have any serious challengers. And the V.O. talent is spectacular. H. Jon Benjamin, Aisha Tyler, Chris Parnell, the great Jessica Walter, and Atlanta's own Amber Nash and Lucky Yates (from Dad's Garage Theater Company in the Old 4th Ward. If you live near ATL, please check them out.) And has there ever been a better character than Pam? (NO. No, there has not.)

Best Drama:

Tyrant



 Narrowly beating out FX's The Americans, which pretty much makes FX the channel of the year.
I loved this show's first season, and the second got even better. Mainly because Bassam stopped being such a *ahem* "punk-ass bitch" and turned into a sort of bad-ass revolutionary. I already loved Jamal, the older brother torn between his desire to be a good and well-loved leader and the emptional damage that makes him listen to his bloodthirsty uncle and Lady MacBeth-esqe wife to become the titular Tyrant. But now that they've developed both Basam and Jamal's son Ahmed, as well as introducing an ISIS-style enemy army, it just gets better and better.

2015, The Year in Television, Part II

Second Best Surprise of the Year:

Scream Queens.




I was vaguely aware that there was a show called "Scream Queens," but I didn't really know anything about it until someone whose opinion I respect recommended it. So we started watching it On Demand. And loved it!
Scream Queens is a very funny show. I guess you'd call it a "dark comedy" seeing as it's centered on a series of murders, but the writing is very clever, and the cast is fantastic. Emmys all around, especially for Jamie Lee Curtis who is a revelation. I hadn't seen her in a comedy since Trading Places and I had no idea that the poop yogurt lady had these kinds of comedic chops. Of course it helsp that she gets to say lines like "I'm going to barf on your face if you don't get out of here!"

Dean Cathy Munsch: You are awful in bed! Are you aware? I mean, just the worst.
Chad Radwell: What-what? Did I not take you there?
Dean Cathy Munsch: Look what I've stooped to. Getting sex by blackmailing students on academic probation.

Chad Radwell: I'm in love with you.
Dean Cathy Munsch: Of course you are. Cuz that's the only way this situation could get more depressing. Please leave.
Chad Radwell: I will, but I'm gonna take a pair of your panties.
Dean Cathy Munsch: I'm gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here!

Also, Glen Powell, whom I'd never seen in anything, as the unbelievably conceited, self-absobed, but kinda nice in his own way Chad Radwell.



He's brilliant. Niecy Nash is hilarious, but we expected that from the Reno 911 alum. Oh, I almost forgot former SNLer Nasim Pedrad. She's hilarious too. Oh, and the unbelievably deadpam Billie Lourd who plays Chanel # 3. Seriously, if you haven't seen this show, you're missing out.


Best Uncomfortable Comedy:

Nathan for You



I didn't watch this show when it first came out, because the trailers didn't look too good. Turns out, it's not the kind of show that really lends itself to promos, there aren't any quick, sound-bite-ready jokes, s lot of the humor comes from the slow-building tension as the participants in the show get more and more uncomfortable.

Nathan Fielder is a comedian from Canada who poses as a free-lance consultant for small businesses. Everyone else in the show is a non-actor. They are actual business owners, employees and customers. Nathan somehow manages to keep a straight face while suggesting absurd schemes to the business owners which they invariably end up trying to sometimes surprisingly successful results.




Whether it's planting a large number of birds on an overhanging branch to drum up business for a car wash, hiring a stunt driver to work as a valet, or turning a local coffee shop into "Dumb Starbucks," Nathan plays it dead serious throughout and the schemes are actually put into practice. And if you enjoy Larry David / Ricky Gervais levels of uncomfortable humor, just watch Nathan audition an actress, having her say "I love you" to him over and over and over. . . I know I was squirming.




Worst development of the year:

The cancellation of The Soup.



How much can this show possibly cost to produce? It's basically just Joel McHale standing in front of a green screen for 22 minutes while they show clips of garbage reality shows for him to mock. And what else does E! have that's so important they had to cut The Soup to make room for it? Another show about idiotic young people who get drunk a lot and try to sex each other? Because, yeah, there sure aren't enough of those on E!

2015, the Year in Television, Part I

If you know me at all, and you certainly do NOT!, you know I love me some TV! So when I look back at a year like 2015, I look back on it in terms of what was good and bad on the idiot box. Here are some of my observations, take them for what they are worth. (hint: not much)


Surprise of the Year

The Grinder.



For some ungodly reason, Fox seems to want to sell this as a package with "Grandfathered," a show so bad I don't even have to watch it to know how bad it is. The fact that, in the promos,  they show John Stamos repeating to himself " I'm a grandfaaa--- I'm a grandfaa--" like the Fonz trying to apologize says everything I need to know about that turd of a show.

Anyway, after seeing the paired promos for the twin "handsome middle-aged guy is funny" programs, we thought "yeah, it looks like that 'Grinder' might be okay. (It helped that they had the always hilarious Kumail Nanjiani in the ad) So we checked it out. Oh my God. This show is soooo much funnier than I was expecting.

I knew Rob Lowe was good actor. And I liked him on Parks & Rec, but he wasn't the funniest one on the show by far. But in The Grinder, he is totally hysterical playing a full-of-himself former actor who thinks his career playing a lawyer on TV qualifies him to do actual legal work. Even more surprising is Fred Savage. I haven't seen him in anything since Working in the 1990's and I had no idea what a terrific comic actor he had developed into. He and Lowe have a great chemistry and timing as do Savage and Mary "the Waitress" Elizabeth Ellis who plays Savage's wife. The supporting cast is good, especially William DeVane as Lowe and Savage's well-meaning but air-headed father.


Biggest Disappointment:

 Fargo Season 2.




I know, I know, everyone says Season 2 of True Detective, but I wasn't so disappointed in that one as I wasn't expecting it to be good. After all, it had Vince Vaughn in it, how good could it possibly be?

Also, just annoying in everything since "Clay Pigeons"

But I really liked the first season of Fargo. Mostly due to the great cast. Billy-Bob Thornton, of course, and also Allison Tolman in the Frances McDormand role, Martin Freeman in the William H. Macy role and Colin Hanks in a role that probably doesn't have any parallel in the original movie.

The problem with Fargo, both the movie and the TV show, is that it's based so much on the idea that people from rural Minnesota talk funny. They have those Sarah Palin accents and they say things like "aw, geez" and "Oh, heck" and Ya, sure, you-betcha!" And the idea seems to be that setting a story of murder and mayhem against that background is some sort of clever juxtaposition or something, I don't know, but this year's cast is not enough to pull off whatever it is they're going for. And I thought it would be. I mean, Ted Danson, Jean Smart, Todd from Breaking Bad. . . I had high hopes. But somehow it just didn't work.



Best New Comedy

Tough call, but I'm going with Last Man on Earth over The Grinder and Big Time in Hollywood, Florida.,, which could get the award for "funniest show that no one watched."




I've always been a big Will Forte fan (I might be the only one who liked the MacGruber movie) and of course, Kristen Schaal just kills it in every scene she's in. If you gave up after the first episode which was almost entirely just Will Forte talking to inanimate objects, give it another try. January Jones, Mary Steenburgen, Mel Rodriguez and Boris Kodjoe arrive one by one to fill out the cast. Jason Sudekis shows up in season two.

Best Comedy:

Broad City



It's brash, it's loud, it's vulgar, it's perfect!

Abbi and Ilana may be the two funniest people working in tv at the moment. I can't really explain what's so great about this show, but if a show that has episodes entitled "Pu$$y Weed,"  "Fattest Asses," and "In Heat" sounds up your alley, you should definitely give this show a shot. Where else are you going to see Kelly Ripa get fucked up on moonshine and various drugs (she's hilarious, by the way) or see an episode based around "pegging?" (definition. Proceed with caution)

Most annoying trend:

The character who is arrogant, unpleasant and rude to everyone bit still somehow loved by other characters.

I first noticed this when the Missus started watching Bones to bore herself to sleep. The main character, Dr. Brennan, aka "Bones" is a brilliant scientist and basically a jerk. And yet, the handsome FBI agent played by David Boreanaz, falls head over heels for her. The other employees at the lab all seem to consider her a dear friend, one even wants her to be maid of honor at her wedding. This seems like an unrealistic response to someone who routinely says things like "I am much smarter than you."




I found a few quotes online:

Booth: You're brilliant.
Brennan: Of course I am! Why is everyone always surprised by that?

Fisher: Well I feel inadequate.
Brennan: You work with me, Mr. Fisher. I would have thought you'd be used to that by now.

Caroline Julian, in an attempt to motivate Bones to return to D.C.: We need you because you're the smartest.
Bones: That's true, I am the smartest.

Booth: You know, evolution is long, long process. It takes hundreds of years.
Brennan: Thousands.
Booth: Why do you always have to correct me?
Brennan: To help you evolve.

 Booth: You're a smart ass, you know that?
Brennan: Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.


Now, I get that people would put up with her abrasive personality because, A) she's obviously on the spectrum, and b) She's a brilliant scientist who is needed to solve every murder in the DC area because the show takes place in a universe in which the FBI crime lab does not exist and a bunch of museum employees have to do all the CSI work on old bodies because no murder victim is ever found for at least six months and where else are you going to find someone who can glance at a half-buried skeleton and and say "from what I can see of the femur, the victim is a male, mid-thirties, probably caucasian. . ."  So, sure, people would put up with her. But no one would want to socialize with her, no one would want to be friends with her. certainly no one would fall in love with her, no matter how attractive you find intelligence to be.

And it's not just this one character. From what little I've seen of the Big Bang Theory, which is probably the worst show on any major network, the "Sheldon" character seem to be the same way.

Rude, dismissive, arrogant, and yet. . . friends! I think he might even have a girlfriend? It's preposterous. No one would want to spend five minutes with someone like that.

Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock is another. He's a total ass to everyone, which is fine because he's the best solver of crimes, so who cares that he's an ass, but why do Watson and the landlady love him so? It makes no sense. We may enjoy hearing these characters insult others on tv, but if you were one of those people on the pointed end of his verbal barbs, you would certainly not enjoy his company.

It's just stupid.

What the hell is Trump on about now?

What the hell does he think she was doing? Is he that creeped out by the idea that she might be peeing? Or Number-two-ing? Personally I think she might have been throwing up, she definitely did not seem to be feeling at all well that evening. Anyway, a grown man can not possibly be that horrified by normal bodily functions, so what is it he thought she was doing backstage?

Here now are the top ten things that Donald Trump thinks Hillary Clinton might have been doing backstage.


10. Sacrificing an infant to Moloch

9. A salute to Karen Finley

8. Eating baluts

7. Watching Japanese tentacle porn

6. Fart contest?

5. Some light cannibalism

4. Saw movie marathon

3. Some kind of Island of Dr. Moreau scenario

2. Colonoscopy festival.

and the number one disgusting thing that Trump thinks Hillary Clinton might have been doing backstage. . . .


Defending Bill Cosby !