I have no words

So I am 99.9% sure that the column that was making its way across the Twitterverse yesterday about the woman envying the lives of the Handmaids on The Handmaid's Tale is satire.

This, sadly, is not:

Jesse Lee Peterson: Trump Is A White Savior Sent By God To Save America

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And what makes this especially stunning, is that this is Jesse Lee Peterson:

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Right-wing radio host Jesse Lee Peterson spent a portion of his show yesterday again praising President Trump as a white savior sent by God to save America.
Peterson heaped praised on Trump for shoving aside the prime minister of Montenegro at a recent NATO summit so that he could stand in front of the group of assembled leaders.

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“He goes overseas and those little weak ones try to get in front of him during a photo shoot, he pushed them out of the way,” Peterson rejoiced. “White power. White power! I’m loving it.

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“We are so fortunate to have President Trump. It looked like God had given up on us with Obama,” Peterson continued. “I had to get on my knees and God heard my prayer … And then the Lord said, ‘Be cool, Trump is coming. I will send my son and he will save you.'”

Okay, now I have some words. His son? HIS SON? You do know who his son is, right? I mean, you're a reverend, you  have to know who God's son is, right? It's this guy:

It sure as Hell isn't this guy:



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Also, the Lord said "be Cool?" Not "fear not" or "peace be with you" but "be cool?" God's up on his 20th Century slang is he?

And I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again - if you talk to God, that's prayer. If God talks to you, that's schizophrenia.

“Isn’t it beautiful to see white men and women finally standing up?” he said. “It’s so refreshing, because if white people give up completely, it’s over for the country. It’s the whites who make things happen. Blacks and Mexicans don’t make things happen.”

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And I'm back to being speechless. I have no words.

How is Dennis Prager still around?

Today, while browsing through Twitter, in between arguments about whose Memorial Day Tweet was the tackiest and Chuck Woolery defending himself from charges of anti-Semitism by saying "hey, you know who else is a Jew? That Bernie Sanders! (Hashtag #Jew, I kid you not.)" I discovered something. Dennis Prager is still around. And someone is paying him to write stuff.

Why Conservatives Still Attack Trump

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by Dennis Prager May 30, 2017 12:00 AM

Okay, first of all, I can't really think of a single prominent conservative that has "attacked" Trump. Well, maybe Joe Scarborough, although he sure as hell fluffed him during the campaign. Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and bet that Prager doesn't name any of these so-called "anti-Trump comservatives" anywhere in his column.

Trump is too far from their ideal leader for some conservatives to support him.

When people you know well and admire, and who share your values, do something you strongly oppose, you have two options:
(1) Cease admiring them or (2) try to understand them and change their minds.

Or you could grow the fuck up and realize that you don't have to agree on everything to be friends? Or you could publicly denounce them and excise them from your life? Or you could maybe take a moment to consider that maybe you are the one that's wrong? Honestly, there are way more than two options.

In the case of my conservative friends who still snipe (or worse) at President Trump, I have rejected option one. The reason — beside the fact that I simply like many of them — is what I refer to as “moral bank accounts.”

Every time we do good, we make a deposit into our moral bank account. And every time we do something bad, we make a withdrawal. These conservatives have made so many deposits into their moral bank accounts that, in my view, their accounts all remain firmly in the black.

Well, as we like to say here at the Daily Irritant, name one. Name one positive thing that any of your conservative friends has done.


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That's what I thought.

That means my only choice is option two. But to try to change their minds, I must first try to understand their thinking.

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I have concluded that there are a few reasons that explain conservatives who were Never-Trumpers during the election, and who remain anti-Trump today.

Oh! Oh!~ I know! Is it because they realize that Trump is a walking personality disorder with neither the experience, intelligence nor temperament for the office?

Or wait, wait, is it because their suspicions about Trump's inability to do the most difficult job in the world were confirmed by his laughable performance so far?

The first and, by far, the greatest reason is this: They do not believe that America is engaged in a civil war, with the survival of America as we know it at stake.

Oh. Okay, I was never going to guess that. But in all fairness, you didn't tell me that the mystery took place in 1862.

While they strongly differ with the Left, they do not regard the left–right battle as an existential battle for preserving our nation. On the other hand, I, and other conservative Trump supporters, do.

Ooohhh. so the problem is that they aren't paranoid or delusional enough?
 Or is it that they don't understand what Trump's supporters get instinctively, that this could be their last chance to turn this country back into a Jim Crow, theocratic white man's paradise?

That is why, after vigorously opposing Trump’s candidacy during the Republican primaries, I vigorously supported him once he won the nomination. I believed then, as I do now, that America was doomed if a Democrat had been elected president.

Oh, of course. Gosh, we still may never recover from the growth and prosperity of the Bill Clinton administration, or Barack Obama's righting of the economic ship.  Hopefully, another Bush-style recession can save us!

With the Supreme Court and hundreds of additional federal judgeships in the balance; with the Democrats’ relentless push toward European-style socialism — completely undoing the unique American value of limited government; the misuse of the government to suppress conservative speech; the continuing degradation of our universities and high schools; the weakening of the American military; and so much more, America, as envisioned by the Founders, would have been lost, perhaps irreversibly. 

Oh, yeah. It would be awful if all thoise things that never happened at all even once were allowed to continue to, um. . . happen?
Can you give one example - just one - of the government suppressing Conservative speech? No, you can't. Because it never happened.
Can you give a single example of our military becoming weakened? No, you can't. Because it never happened.
And how many Democrats are pushing for European-style socialism? Even if you caount Independent Bernie Sanders, that's one. You think friend-of-Wall-Street Hillary Clinton was going to push for socialism? I wish! And before you spit on European socialism, I suggest you travel a bit in Europe. Because I've been a few times and people seem perfectly happy there. If European socialism was so dreadful, the citizens of these democratic countries could easily vote to replace it. The fact that

The “fundamental transformation” that candidate Barack Obama promised in 2008 would have been completed by Hillary Clinton in 2016.

And by "fundamental transformation," you mean more people now having the ability to see doctors and get medicine.  Because that's really the biggest change I can think of from the Obama Administration. Oh, my God, what if Hillary had completed this? What if even more people got access to doctors? And medicine?

To my amazement, no anti-Trump conservative writer sees it that way. They all thought during the election, and still think, that while it would not have been a good thing if Hillary Clinton had won, it wouldn’t have been a catastrophe either.

Wow, that really sums up Hillary Clinton in a nutshell. Wouldn't have been great, but not terrible. As opposed to electing a narcissistic man-baby conspiracy theorist with the attention span of a gnat.

That’s it, in a nutshell. Many conservatives, including me, believe that it would have been close to over for America as America if the Republican candidate, who happened to be a flawed man named Donald Trump, had not won. Moreover, I am certain that only Donald Trump would have defeated Hillary Clinton.

So you'd rather have a senile sociopath with serious impulse control leaking classified information all over the globe than a dull, middling centrist who might do what, nominate a judge who would uphold Roe v Wade?

In other words, I believe that Donald Trump may have saved the country. And that, in my book, covers a lot of sins — foolish tweets, included.

Really. This guy?

This is the guy you think is going to "save America?"

Not this guy:




But this guy?

The Never Trump conservative argument that Trump is not a conservative — one that I, too, made repeatedly during the Republican primaries — is not only no longer relevant, it is no longer true.

Really? He became a conservative in 6 months? And you think this mercurial, capricious nature is a positive attribute?

Had any Never Trump conservative been told, say in the summer of 2015, that a Republican would win the 2016 election and, within his first few months in office, appoint a conservative to the Supreme Court; begin the process of replacing Obamacare; bomb Russia’s ally Assad after he again used chemical weapons; appoint the most conservative cabinet in modern American history; begin undoing hysteria-based, economy-choking EPA regulations; label the Iranian regime “evil” in front of 50 Muslim heads of state; wear a yarmulke at the Western Wall;

Um. . .

 I'm not really sure why you get bonus points for knowing the proper headgear to wear to one of Israel's holiest sites, but if you're giving out these points, you gotta give 'em to the last couple guys too.

Also, I don't know why you get any points for appointing the judge that Heritage and the Federalsit society told you to appoint. I mean, contrary to what Mitch McConnell may say, appointing judges is just part of the president's job. And when your party controls the Senate, it's not even a challenging part.
And why anyone gets any points for removing rules that keep the air breathable and the water drinkable and keeps rivers from catching fire is beyond me.

 And you neglected to mention that he also appointed the least qualified cabinet in history.

Anyway, it goes on for a while and I have to turn in, but let me just note for the record that nowhere in this ridiculous screed does Prager mention a single "anti-Trump conservative." So I win that bet!

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Bad Ads -- Tecate

None of this makes sense.




Okay, the first couple seconds, where he's punching a beehive I kinda get, but the rest?
First of all, why does Stallone feel like he has to use what I assume is his entire Spanish vocabulary to tell the other guy that his black eye is not good? I've had a black eye, I assume most of you have had one at one time or another (judging by your disrespectful attitudes!) everyone knows that a black eye is not "bueno."
Then he tells him to "be bold" by putting the steak on his eye. How is that bold? Hasn't this been a folk remedy for a black eye since forever? Also, does it even work?  * Okay, it doesn't matter if it works, there's just nothing "bold" about putting a steak on a black eye. It's just a thing people do.

Then the other guy, who seems to speak English by the way, so I don't know why Stallone feels he has to pantomime things for him, tosses the streak on the grill and replies "be bolder!" How does that make any sense? How is using a steak for its intended purpose "bold?" Like, I could put the steak on my eye, but I'm going to do something, well. . . a little bit risky. You might think I'm crazy, but I'm going to take this slab of meat and cook it! And then presumably eat it. I know, I know, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Fortune favors the bold!

And this is somehow supposed to make me want to buy their beer? I don't get it.

* according to the American Academy of Ophthalmology: Despite what you see in movies or on television, you should never put a raw steak or other raw meat on a black eye. The bacteria on raw meat poses a high risk of infection, and this method of treating a black eye has no scientific basis.

Moving On

I know I said I would continue the previous post re: the kid who dropped out of college, but then somoeone much wiser than I gave me pause.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I hope his parents are able to convince him to see a mental health specialist. Seriously, he sounds like he's in a manic phase. Young adulthood is often when mental disorders manifest. I don't condemn this young guy but I fear for him.

And of course, she's right.
So now I feel bad about mocking this kid.
Sp we will move on to other topics and let's speak no more of it,

Douche of the Day

Seriously, this guy is in the running for douche of the decade!

The Valedictorian of University of Maryland drops out of school two weeks before graduation

Gio Managadze

Entrepreneur

Okay, let's start with the fact that this putz identifies himself as "Entrepreneur."  Generally, that term refers to someone who has risked his personal fortune to start a business. It is generally not used to refer to self-impressed little schmucks who have yet to accomplish a goddamm thing in their lives.
And this little jackass was two weeks shy of actually accomplishing something -- not anything entrepreneurial, but still -- and he quits? How much money did your parents invest in your college education, and you quit with 2 weeks to go?
Also, he refers to himself in the third person in that stupid headline.


And he writes this smug, self-satisfied open letter to the University of Maryland and his infortunate parents:

Dear University of Maryland, 
I was your Valedictorian until about a month ago and almost gave the Main Commencement Speech at graduation, but instead of giving the speech, I decided to follow my dreams, fail all my classes this semester, and drop out of school two weeks before graduation without getting a degree. If you would like to know why your Valedictorian dropped out of school, you're welcome to read my email to my parents below:

Yeah, I'm guessing they don't care to know. They have your parents' money, if you want to leave early, how is that any skin of their nose?

Dear Mom and Dad, 
I finally found my destiny this semester in college.

My destiny was to not only disappoint you and waste your money, but to then go on and embarrass you publicly!

I have finally understood how leadership, happiness, and fearlessness actually work.
Leadership is very simple. 
All you need to have is a lot of confidence and a lot of empathy both at the same time.

Pictured: Three men known for their empathy.

You know, it's great to have a lot of confidence and empathy, but you know what else helps? Having some fucking clue what you're doing!

You need confidence to know what you want to do and do it. 
You need empathy to understand other people’s perspectives, emotions, wants, and desires so you can lead them and help them achieve their goals. 
You make yourself happy and you make everybody around you happy.

Hey, you know who usually end up being great leaders? Guys who think "hell, this'll be super-easy!"

I have learned that there are only two real emotions in life: love and anger.

Absolutely. As long as you don't count fear.
Or joy.
Or sadness, disgust, hatred, contentment, envy, want. . . but yeah, really just two.

Life is not as complicated as people make it out to be as long as you’re not lazy. 
Life is actually very simple. 
We are always mentally at either peace or war. 
You show love to your friends in peace and anger to your enemies in war. 
That’s it. 
Peace or War. 
People are also easily divided in two categories: real friends or enemies.

Oh, that attitude will really serve you well in the world of business. Other business-people aren't independent actors with whom you can possibly make deals in mutually beneficial ways. They are either your real friends or your enemies. That's totally not the kind of perspective that lands you in bankruptcy court over and over again.

This is what a real friend is: he supports you in every way possible, makes you feel better no matter what you’re going through, never judges you, never makes fun of you in a bad way, and always has your best interest in mind. 
Every “friend” that does not fit this description is a fake friend.

Sounds like a page from every 13-year-old's diary!

You need to get rid of fake friends immediately. They’re only slowing you down. 
Either try to convert them to your real friends or just completely ignore them forever.

Get rid of them IMMEDIATELY! Or, you know, try and see if you can cajole them into being your true besties!

I have finally also understood what passion really means. 
Every human being on this planet only really has one passion - the passion of life. 
If we are mentally at peace, we are passionate about life by doing what we love.
If we are mentally at war, we are passionate about life by fighting for it and protecting it.

Somewhere at the University of Maryland there is an intro to philosophy professor whith his face in his hands groaning "no, that's not what I meant."

Very simple. 
You’re always happy, though.
Happiness is a choice.
You’re happy in peace. 
You’re happy in war. 
You’re always happy.

What? How does that even. . . what kind of a psychopath is happy in a war?
And that is not how emotions work. You can't just say "oh, my girlfriend broke up with me? I choose to be happy! Oh, my mom just died? I choose to be happy! Oh, my son is a nincompoop who's dropping out of college because he thinks that at 21 he's figured out the secret of life? I choose to be happy!"

If you stop being lazy, stop listening to haters, and take control of your mind and all its thoughts and emotions, you can literally choose to be happy all the time. 
From right now, till the second you die, you can always be happy if you want to.
Happiness is a choice.
I’m always happy, no matter what happens.

You think you need a reason to be happy? 
I’m happy because I’m alive. Period.

There are no other emotions in life other than love and anger.

And happiness. Love, anger and hap - three emotions! There are only three emotions!

Fear? 
What is fear?
Fear doesn’t make any sense to me.

Yeah, what doesn't make sense to you would fill a dictionary, but go on.


Fear is not an emotion. 
You can’t feel fear.


Really? You can't? I mean, I guess if you're a full-on sociopath, maybe you can't but the rest of us?

Pictured: Wendy acting strangely for some unknown reason.

Fear is generally recognized as one of humankind's most primal emotions. If humans did not feel fear, we'd all have been eaten by sabre-toothed tigers aeons ago. Fear is absolutely necessary for survival. It's why you don't walk up to a bunch of Hell's Angels and tell them that motorcycles are for weiners.

Fear is all in your head.

Yeah, that's where all emotions are.

If it’s in your head that means you can completely block it out. 

Maybe, but if you do that it will inevitably lead you to making stupid decisions like trying to climb into the lion enclosure at the zoo to pet the cubs or dropping out of college with two fucking weeks left because you think you're some sort of brilliant genius-guru or something.

This semester I was able to block out every single fear I had in my head about absolutely everything.

I’m literally, by definition, fearless, and you can be too if you want to.

So, if you were confronted by, say, an angry bear, or a gun-toting lunatic or a 20-ft tsunami, you'd just block that fear out of your head? So you'd have no motivation to try and flee the danfer? So you'd be dead? Hell of a plan there, Sparky!

What are you afraid of?

1.
Are you afraid of other human beings?
What?
Why?
What does that even mean?
Why would you fear someone of your own species?

Really? Why? Um, maybe because members of my species commit 100% of the murders, assaults, and batteries that happen ever?

Because some of the more notorious members of my species include Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy and Dick Cheney?

How is this confusing for you?

Why would you fear someone of your own species? 
If someone is a threat to your happiness in any way, then they are an enemy.
Aggressively defend yourself from your enemies, but also show mercy. 
Just because somebody is your enemy, does not mean you necessarily have to hurt them. 
You should do your absolute best to solve all your problems without unnecessarily hurting others.
Other human beings should not be your enemies. 
Life is a collaboration, not a competition.

You just said --JUST SAID-- thast anyone who is not your true friend is your enemy. Yous just said that like 5 minutes ago. And now you're going to sit there straight-faced and say "
Other human beings should not be your enemies."
And "life is a collaboration, not a competition."?

 These are your real enemies: cancer, hunger, homelessness, all other diseases, the fact that we're running out of resources and haven't colonized other planets yet, the fact that we haven’t discovered life somewhere else in the universe, etc.

How is the fact that we have yet to discover life on other planets my enemy? I'm perfectly fine with that. It would be pretty cool if we did find little green men on Mars, but it doesn't really impact my life that we haven't.
I would say that I have more to fear from the fact that we've never found the Zodiac than the fact that we've never found space aliens.

 

              

  Okay, I can see that this is going to need to be a two-parter. Maybe three. But this has gone on long enough already. I'll try to pick this up tomorrow.