Sunday, January 27, 2019

Weird Stories in the News

Weird story # 1:



Casey Hathaway, missing 3-year-old, found alive - CNN - CNN.com


At first glance, this story doesn't really sound weird so much as uplifiting. This lost child has been found and returned to safety. That is a 100% positive story.

Here's where it gets weird:

Hundreds of people joined in the search to help find him, including some 600 volunteers and members of the FBI, NCIS and US Marine Corps.
After days of desperate searches for the little boy, crews on Thursday night responded to a report of a child crying in the woods and found Casey "about 40 to 50 yards in the woods, tangled up,"
Okay, the boy wandered out of his grandparents' back yard and into the woods. So you have a starting point to begin the search. And you have 600 people searching for this kid, presumably fanning out from the known starting point. And for what, two and a half days, no one can find him? And he only got 40 to 50 yards into the woods?
 And these weren't a bunch of random idiots doing the searching. There were FBI agents, the local sheriff's department, Marine Corps servicemebers and N.C.I.S.

Photo Credit: NCIS/CBS Image Acquired from CBS Press Express
One of these days, we're going to have to have a serious talk about NCIS. But not today.

How do 600 people spend 2 days looking for this kid who is shouting distance from the place he was last seen and not find him?


Now it gets weirder.

Casey is in good condition and resting, Dr. Nicole Check of the CarolinaEast Medical Center said Friday morning.

Casey’s aunt, Breanna Hathaway in a Facebook post said her nephew was “healthy, smiling and talking” following his return late Thursday.

Doctors at Carolina East Medical Center spent Thursday night examining Casey, who was left mostly uninjured from his time in the woods aside from a few scrapes and bruises. They said Friday that he was “in good condition and will be released later today or tomorrow,” WBTWreported.



He's fine. A three-year-old boy spent three nights alone in the woods, and he's fine?

And it's not like he was out there on warm summer evenings.

"What he survived out there -- temperatures in the 20s, low 20s, the rain, the downpour that almost put our search on a standstill," Craven County Sheriff Chip Hughes told ABC New Bern affiliate WCTI Friday morning. 


So, had he maybe spent some or most of this time indoors? Maybe in the home or the vehicle of an abductor? Nope!

"By his condition it was pretty obvious that he had been out there for the time," the sheriff told ABC News Friday.

The Craven County Sheriff's Office has not found any evidence of criminal activity surrounding the disappearance of a three-year-old who miraculously was found safe 55 hours later, according to a press release.
. . .  law enforcement, who are still unsure how Casey remained mostly healthy in the woods for two day without food or water.

So this is all pretty weird, right?
Ready for it to get weirder?

North Carolina 3-year-old Casey Hathaway says he hung out with a bear after he vanished from his grandmother's backyard
 


Okay, fine. He's three. three-year-olds have vivd imaginations. And being soaking wet in sub-freezing temperatures while dehydrated and hungry could make anyone imagine or dream or hallucinate some pretty wild stuff. 

But. . . 

If there's  no bear, how did the kid not freeze to death? A nice fluffy furry fuzzy bear could certainly keep you warm enough to survive. I honestly think the bear story is at least plausible. A mother bear might see a small human cub and instinctively want to care for and protect it. I've seen enough Animal Planet to know that stranger things have happened.


Kangaroo And Dog


Deer And Kitty



Cat And Lil’ Birds




You know what this is, right?

This is a superhero origin story.

There is virtually no way that this little boy does not grow up to fight crime as Grizzly Man or Bear Boy or something/


Image result for superhero bear

Or, if things go wrong, a supervillain.


You heard it here first. And if I were Marvel or DC, I would jump on the rights to this kid's story.

(There were a couple other weird stories, but this one ended up taking too much time.)





Friday, January 25, 2019

Flashback Friday -- Uncle Tupelo



Do you know how good Uncle Tupelo was? Uncle Tupelo was so good that when they broke up, they split into Son Volt and Wilco! Which is especially impressive when you consider that when the Beatles broke up, they split into Wings and the Plastic Ono Band.


Chicago's Uncle Tupelo, along with Nashville's BR-549 and San Francisco's Dieselhed were the vanguard of the late 80's-early 90's "alt-country" or "no depression" movement. I don't know for sure, but I think the name "no depression" came from Uncle Tupelo's cover of the Carter Family classic.

I mena, I know the music "scene's" name came from a fan magazine entitled "No Depression," but I always assumed that the magazine title came from the Uncle Tupelo record.
Image result for no depression




Anyway, please enjoy a few selections from Uncle Tupelo.



















Thursday, January 24, 2019

Silly Goose of the Day

Geese, as we all know, are the silliest of God's creatures. But sometimes a person can be as silly as a goose. Yes. it's true!
so who's being a silly little goose today?


Why, it's none other than South Carolina Attorney General Alan Wilson!


 
No, not that one.


This one:

Image result for alan wilson south carolina



Now you wouldn't think that an attorney general would be particularly silly. Especially not an attorney general who fought for a law to make it harder for mentally ill persons to get firearms and sued the Trump administration to stop offshore drilling.

But if silly is as silly does, then Alan Wilson is one silly silly goose.


SC police, doctors fighting medical marijuana; AG calls it US’s ‘most dangerous drug’




Yes. the most dangerous drug!


Image result for dramatic music gif




You want to know how dangerous? Well, the National Institute on Drug Abuse has some chilling statistics. For instance, look how people died from cocaine overdoses:


Number of Deaths Involving Cocaine

And heroin:


Number of Deaths Involving Heroin

Now compare that to the results you get by searching their site for the term "marijuana overdose."

National Institute on Drug Abuse

"marijuana overdose"
1 results

Study Links Medical Marijuana Dispensaries to Reduced Mortality From Opioid Overdose | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)





Boy, it really makes you think, doesn't it?

Well, it does if you're not a silly goose.


COLUMBIA — Flanked by lawmakers, law enforcement officials and doctors in white lab coats, S.C. Attorney General Alan Wilson called marijuana “the most dangerous drug” in America while denouncing legislation Wednesday that would allow patients to obtain it with a doctor’s prescription. 
Because there's no way for doctors to know whether a substance might be harmful for their patients!


Various speakers, which included State Law Enforcement Division Chief Mark Keel and leaders from the S.C. Medical Association, suggested the use of medical marijuana would cause a litany of problems in South Carolina: addiction, increased traffic accidents and — without specifically citing any peer-reviewed research — an increase in the number of overdose deaths. 


Hmm, no peer-reviewed studies, eh? That's kind of hard to believe. I mean, there must be just tons of studies about all the people who die from smoking the devil's oregano.


Why, look. Here's one now!


rootsinhell


So, no peer-reviewed studies, what did Wilson list as the basis for his condemnation of Satan's spinach?

While standing in the center of the Statehouse lobby, Wilson rattled off slang describing the high from marijuana. “They use words like stoned, high, wasted, baked, fried, cooked, chonged, cheeched, dope-faced, blazed, blitzed, blunted, blasted, danked, stupid, wrecked — and that’s only half the words they use,” Wilson said. “Are these consistent with something that describes a medicine?” 


Well, that settles that! Screw your stupid "studies" and "statistics" and "knowledge" about "things." There are a bunch of slang terms that make smoking wacky weed sound bad, so ipso facto it must be bad. If the slang terms sound odd, it must be outlawed is a time-honored legal principle. Just like how in France, the "climax" is referred to as "le Petite Morte" and so no one is allowed to get off in France. Wait, is it France? I must have France mixed up with a different country. Maybe the Vatican. Anyway, it's not important. The point is, that if people talk about something using terms that make that thing sound like it might be kinda scary, then that thing is inherently too dangerous to be allowed. It's just common sense, people!


Wilson classified marijuana as the most dangerous drug because he said it was “the most misunderstood drug.” 


Well, it's hard to argue that. I mean clearly it seems to be completely misunderstood by the prominent citizens of South Carolina.


Dr. March Seabrook, the S.C. Medical Association president, focused his opposition on the lack of medical and regulatory oversight of marijuana. 

Well, yes. The government does not allow any research to be done on marijuana, so therefore there isn't a lot of research on marijuana, so therefore the government must continue to ban any use of marijuana that might allow its effects to be researched.


Comment Picture


After the news conference, the Medical Association said it disagreed with Wilson’s assessment that marijuana is “the most dangerous drug” in the country. Still, Seabrook argued the new legislation “will not improve the health of South Carolina.” 


Now let's all just forget about this ridiculous marijuana. Here, I'm going to write you a prescription for Oxycontin. That'll help you forget all about it. And you know Oxy is safe, because it's legal! I mean, if we even suspected at all that it might be unsafe, we obviously would make it just as illegal as Lucifer's lettuce!


Should we continue?

Image



Okay, fair enough!

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Shitty Conservative Responses to MLK Day


Every year conservatives hold a contest to see who can say the shittiest thing on Martin Luther King, Jr Day.
Generally, these statements take the form of scolding today's people of color for not behaving in a way that the imaginary Republican version of MLK would find acceptable. "What would Dr. King think if he could see. . ." they tut-tut at, say black people protesting police violence. "Oh, Dr, King would turn over in his grave if he saw NFL players peacefully taking a knee in protest," they admonish.

This year, they have really outdone themselves. Starting at the top, President Cartman turned in a dismissive, flippant throw-away statement that, in previous years, might have won handily. Taking all of 30 seconds out of his busy day to drop off a wreath at the King memorial, President McCheese addressed reporters with, and I'm paraphrasing a bit here, "nice weather we're having. Thanks for coming. See ya!"


Image result for fuck you gif


That display of contemptuous, surly and ill-bred impertinence should have been the bottom of the barrel. But, as we have so often been reminded, the barrel has no bottom.

And, as if to prove the bottomlessness of the barrel, the N.R. Fucking A. chimed in with this Tweet:






Because, yeah. If Dr. King had had a pistol in his belt, he could have defended himself from a sniper firing at him from a distance.
I mean, it's not like James Earl Ray walked up to Dr, King at high noon and shouted "Draw Varmint!" Dr. King having a gun would not have done him any good. By the time he realized he needed to defend himself, it would have already been too late. That's why the Good guy with a gun theory is bullshit. The bad guy with a gun will always get the drop on the good guy because the bad guy knows there's going to be a shooting. The good guy doesn't.

Also, if the NRA actually cared about the right of black people to defend themselves with firearms, they would have said something, anything about licensed gun-carrier Philandro Castille being shot by cops for exercising his 2nd Amendment "rights." They might have had some reaction to Mareissa Alexander being arrested and convicted of aggravated assault for firing a warning shot in as "stand your ground" state. A warning shot! They should have been all over this. Had Ms Alexander been white, is there any doubt they would have brought every possible pressure to bear on Florida lawmakers to get her released? And they have the balls to come out on MLK day and claim they are fighting for the rights of "EVERY law-abiding citizen?"


naomi campbell go to hell gif

So that was monumentally shitty. But next up to the plate was a seasoned pro, Vice President Mike Pence.

here he is, defending Cheeto Mussolini's idiotic wall proposal:

. . . honestly, you know-- you know, the hearts and minds of the American people today are thinking a lot about it being the weekend where we remember the life and work of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior. One of my favorite quotes from Doctor King was, "Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy." You think of how he changed America. He inspired us to change through the legislative process to become a more perfect union. That's exactly what President Trump is calling on the Congress to do.


Wow. Invoking Martin Luther King to defend a racist boondoggle. That takes some fucking brass!

Ordinarily, at this point we'd say "no more calls, we have a winner!" But this is no ordinary year.
And our next contestant is no ordinary lunatic.

Our final entry comes from the ironically-named Lori Saine.

Here she is commenting on the arc of history:


“We have come a long way on that arc since the Reconstruction, since whites and blacks alike were in nearly equal numbers lynched for the crime of being Republican,” Rep. Lori Saine, R-Firestone, said.




what spit take redlettermedia GIF


I honestly don't know what is more preposterous, the claim that white people were lynched at the same rate as black people, or that anyone was ever lynched for the crime of "being a Republican." I mean, I know white conservatives will go through the most strenuous mental gymnastics to cast themselves as the victims but holy God! Shouldn't your bullshit at least be the tiniest bit plausible?


Thursday, January 17, 2019

Horrible person remains horrible


I thought for a second, when I saw a tweet about hate coming from him, that maybe Victor Davis Hanson had turned some kind of corner and was becoming a decent human being.


A License To Hate

Wednesday, January 16, 2019



Oh. Old V.D. Hanson is going to examine the rising tide of hate in this country? The increased incidences of hate crimes? The resurgence of racist rhetoric online and in the real world? Is he going to actually write something worthwhile?

Hahaha! Of course not!

It's Victor Davis Hanson! From the Hoover Institute!

Of course the "hate" problem he can see from his ivory tower is the "hate" that the "left" has for Trump and his supporters.


Recently on CNN, former Republican politico and now Never Trump cable new analyst Rick Wilson characterized Donald Trump’s supporters as his “credulous rube ten-toothed base.”


Okay, the bit about the teeth is a bit rude. I'll give you that. But "credulous rubes?" That's a bit hard to argue with. How else to describe people who allowed themselves to be convinced that a man with more bankruptcies than failed marriages was the "brilliant businessman" who could run the country in a fiscally sober and responsible way? How else would you describe people who thought that the man with the gold-plated toilet was going to be the champion of the common man? What term would you use to describe a group of people who bought the malarkey that this buffoonish man-child would somehow have the negotiating skills to get a foreign nation to pay billions of dollars for a structure which they didn't even want?


Wilson was not original in his smear of the 63 million Americans who voted for Trump. He was likely resonating an earlier slander of Politico reporter Marco Caputo. The latter had tweeted of the crowd he saw at a Trump rally: “If you put everyone’s mouths together in this video, you’d get a full set of teeth.


Yeah, that's a bit mean.
Although. . .


Image result for trump supporter teeth




Was the point of these stereotypes that poor white working-class people who supposedly voted for the controversial Trump understandably ate improperly, did not practice proper dental hygiene, or did not visit dentists—or all three combined?
When challenged, Caputo doubled down on his invective. He snarled, “Oh no! I made fun of garbage people jeering at another person as they falsely accused him of lying and flipped him off. Someone fetch a fainting couch.”


Garbage people?
That's a bit much, isn't it?
How could he possibly refer to these people as "garbage people?'

Although. . .

Image result for t shirts at trump rally



In the released trove of the Department of Justice text communications involving the Clinton email probe, an unidentified FBI employee had texted to another FBI attorney his abject contempt for the proverbial Trump voter and indeed middle America itself: “Trump’s supporters are all poor to middle class, uneducated, lazy POS [“pieces of sh*t”].” In fact, Trump in 2016 received about 90 percent of all Republican votes, about the same ratio as won by both recent presidential candidates John McCain and Mitt Romney.



Oh, man. You're so close to getting it. You've almost figured out that Trump is not an anomaly. That the same voters who voted for the dignified, respectable McCain and Romney happily flocked to the polls to vote for Mr "Grab 'em by the pussy." You've almost figured out that your party is, actually, the political home of the worst kind of garbage people. You're so close!


Oh, and it's a bit off-topic, but when you say "his abject contempt for the proverbial Trump voter and indeed middle America itself,“ you are perfectly illustrating Rule #1 of conservatives: No conservative will ever argue anything honestly. Because it's a hell of a leap from "Trump voter" to "Middle America Itself." This unnamed FBI employee never says anything about middle America. He heaps contempt on a very specific group of people. Trump voters. And Trump voters does NOT equal "Middle America." And you know this.


Recently actor Jim Carey tweeted a picture of Trump supporters as apes, as if evolution is now operating in reverse as Trumpians descend into primate status.



Oh, now that is going too far. Comparing political opponents to apes? That is just unprecedented!

Although. . .

 


Rep. Hank Johnson (who on prior occasions had referred to Jewish residents on the West Bank as “termites,” and believed that too many American troops based on the shoreline of Guam might “tip” the island over and capsize it)


Okay, let me just stop you there for a minute. I don't know the context of the "ternite" quote, but I will tell you that the Guam tipping over line was a joke. He was making a point of some kind, I don't remember what, but he does not actually believe that islands can tip over. As to the termite quote, that sounds shitty, but beear in mind that he is referring to people who have "settled" in a land whose previous residents were forced out, whose homes were bulldozed and who are living as refugees in their own land. So I don't know how much respect these "residents" really deserve.

Please continue.


Rep. Hank Johnson. . .  recently compared Trump to Hitler

Wow, that's pretty harsh.
Where would he come up with such a comparison?


Laura Ingraham Nazi GIF - LauraIngraham Nazi Salute GIFs


Welcome to BBC.com

Hail Trump: White nationalists mark Trump win with Nazi salute

In the US, video has emerged of far right activists celebrating Donald Trump’s victory with what appear to be Nazi salutes.



 For former Vice President Joe Biden, Trump supporters are “virulent people” and “the dregs of society”.



That seems a bit unfair, to characterize all of those millions of voters in such a severe way.

Although. . .

Image result for trump fuck your feelings



At about the same time as Wilson’s recent smear, multimillionaire TV personality Donny Duetsch weighed in on television about the Trump supporters who favor building a barrier on the southern border to discourage illegal immigration:
“This is all [Trump] has left. That one metaphor, that one thing that talks to that 39, 40, 41% base that says: either the black man, or the brown man, or the Jewish man, or the media man, or the banker man is coming to take your wife?” According to Duetsch’s analysis, were the legions of Democrats—including Sens. Biden and Chuck Schumer—who supported the Secure Fence Act of 2006 that authorized hundreds of miles of border fencing, also worried over their virility or is just the working middle class?


Oh my god. First of all, Chuck Schumer and Joe Biden are two of the worst Democrats. It's odd that you would pick those two wishy-washy centrists as being the epitome of Democrats, like "EVEN Schumer and Biden wupported this fence bill!" Second, you want to know why so many Dems supported the "secure fence?" Because they are fucking cowards who thought they could bend over backwards far enough to appease these people:

anti_immigrant_AL_040711-thumb-640xauto-2781   Santa Monica Joins L.A. in Urging Block of Trump Order on 'Sanctuary' Jurisdictions


Both Wilson and Deutsch in the past had also characterized Trump supporters as Nazi-like.

Boy, talk about "Trump derangement syndrome," right? Where do they come up with this sort of. . . oh, right!

Nazis and Brain Cancer- A Waiting Game




Image result for trump nazi


White supremacists and white nationalists carry lit Tiki torches while marching through the University of Virginia campus on



Both Wilson and Deutsch in the past had also characterized Trump supporters as Nazi-like. Both, in lieu of any analyses of why or how Trump got elected or has found success in restoring the economy to robust growth. . .

Wtf Laugh GIF - Wtf Laugh Spit GIFs

Restoring the ecnonmy. . .!


Laughing Too Hard GIF - Stanley Theoffice Laughing GIFs 
Robust growth!

Stop, you're killing me!


But seriously, as to how and why Trump got elected? Um, he first appeared on the campaign scene with his "Mexicans are rapists" speech. He promised prospective voters that he would ban Muslims from the U.S. And he promised that not only would he build a wall to keep Latinos out, he would force Mexico to pay for it. So, yeah. . . kinda "Nazi-like" way of getting elected. There, is that enough "analyses" for ya?



anyway, he goes on in this vein for a while while we all wait patiently for him to make a fucking point already! 
Then he finally gets to it.



What does all this hate speech signify?


Do you seriously not know what "hate speech" is? Saying "I hate people who are racist." or "I hate men who grab strange women by the pussy" is not hate speech.  Neither is mocking the number of teeth that a particular voting bloc has, or pointing out their similarities to brownshirts of yore.You know this.


What does all this hate speech signify?
One, there is terrible frustration among both the progressive Left (and the Never Trump Right whose luminaries have mused about replacing a supposed spent white working class with purportedly more energetic immigrants)

Who? What member of the "Never-Trump Right" has mused about the "great replacement?" That's neo-Nazi conspiracy theory garbage. No one has proposed or even hinted at doing this. What member of the "anti-Trump Right" do you claim holds this position? I mean, it should be fairly easy to figure out since the "Never-Trump Right" consists of like three people. I mean, has Bill Kristol, Max Boot or Jeff Flake proposed such a thing? No, they have not. And that is pretty much the entire roster of the never-trumpers. Oh, and Rick Wilson There are four members. But he hasn't either.


But yes. There is tremendous frustration among the progressive left. Although, to be honest, we were more frustrated during the Obama years because we thought he had the opportunity to introduce much more sweeping progressive legislation than he did, especially during the first two years of his first term. Whatever happened to card check, for instance?



So far Trump has not been stopped. His foreign and domestic agendas often find success 

Cry Crying GIF - Cry Crying Laugh GIFs



Sorry, sorry. Go on.


So far Trump has not been stopped. His foreign and domestic agendas often find success and resonate with about 40-45 percent of the American people. Much of the uncouthness, then, reflects their own frustrations and sense of alienation that millions of Americans have tuned them out.



Oh, is that where the "uncouthness" is coming from? See, here I thought it was coming from the guy who called Congressman Adam Schiff "Adam Shitt." Or maybe it was coming from the guy who took time out of a presidential debate to reassure voters that his penis was adequately-sized. Or maybe it was coming from the man who told his supporters "knock the crap out of them" at one of his political rallies. Or said that he would "bomb the shit out of them." Or maybe the uncouthness might have come from the man who said he would tell NFL owners "Get that son of a bitch off the field!"
But I see now. Obviously the "uncouthness" is coming from the frustrations of the people who oppose the man who said all those things. Oh it's all so clear now! I wonder that I hadn't seen it before!



Second, most of the slurs are voiced by elites,


Says the man from Stanford University's Hoover Institution. You know how much they hate "elites" at Stanford University's Hoover Institution.

But sure, of course. the elites always look down their noses at common folk like . . . multi-billionaire real estate tycoons who are also television stars?

Perhaps their angst is driven by class—as in how can their own superior logic and reasoning fail to resonate with 63 million voters


I guess they'll have to console themselves with the fact that their candidate did manage to at least eke out a total of. . . SIXTY SIX MILLION votes. (If you can round up, so can I.)

Third, cowardice plays a role. Those who slander the deplorables and irredeemables assume that they can say almost anything and expect no pushback, given the white working classes lack the romance of the poor and the supposed panache of the elite. A race to the bottom develops in which the more the hatred, the more the clicks and the media exposure.


Yeah. That's a thing that only the left does. None of the #TCOTs would ever espouse hatred and vitriol for clicks. You'd never see conservatives on social media

You'd certainly never see the right posting hateful shit on social media.

Although. . .










Minority critics expect their own identity politics affiliations to shield them from criticism. Wealthy white elites virtue-signal their disgust for those without privilege as a way of ensuring that those like themselves, who most certainly enjoy privilege, are rewarded with ideological exemptions for it.



Honestly, that is so fucking stupid I don't even know how to respond. I'm just going to leave that there and someone more clever than I can write the punchline.


Finally, we are learning that the entire idea of political correctness was never much about universal ideas of tolerance of the other, or insistence that language and protocols must not stigmatize individuals by lumping them into stereotyped and dehumanized collective groups.  What we are witnessing, instead, is that it is fine to demonize millions, from their appearance to their purported hygiene and smell to affinities with feces and apes—if it serves political or cultural agendas.


Oh waah waah waah! Oh, it's so awful that these people




are getting their feelings hurt!

And of course it's completely the same thing. Mocking someone's race or gender or national origin or sexuality is completely the same as mocking their choice of presidential candidate. It is just as bad to hurl racial slurs at a minority as it is to point out that people who voted for a racist misogynist xenophobic bigot who brags about sexually assaulting women and muses about dating his own daughter might actually be bad people.

You want to maybe just sum the whole column up before go?

In sum, cultural progressivism is about raw power, not principle.


Yeah. Politics is about power. The entire poiont of politics is to gain and wield power. Now, if you belong to a decent political party, you would intend to wield power in a way that benefits the common good. But it's all about power. I don't know why you think that power is something unique to "cultural progressives."

Maybe because you're a horrible person?
Oh, sorry. That was uncouth!