How to Identify Different Types of Birds

Blue-Footed Boobies

Tufted Titmouse




Hairy Woodpecker


The Dickcissel




The Hoary Redpoll
.
The Florida Chickenhawk



The Common Loon

The Alaskan Cuckoo

Headline News

From Yahoo News:

Cave-dwelling brothers to get billions

There's rags to riches and then there's rags to mega-riches. Two brothers from Hungary definitely fall into the second category.

Until recently, Geza and Zslot Peladi lived in a cave near Budapest. Completely destitute, the two cave-brothers earned money by gathering scrap metal and selling candy they found on the street. That all changed the moment they heard that they stood to inherit a substantial portion of their maternal grandmother's $6.6 billion fortune. (That's billion, with a "B.")

Oh Yahoo, Why is Everything About Boobies With You?

While doing a Yahoo image search for Salvation Army, I was given the following suggestions by helpful Yahoo:

Others who searched for salvation army also searched for:

red cross

flickr.com

goodwill

blog.makezine.com

homeless

googlecommunity.com

charity

showbiz.ro

american red cross

myunitedway.org

There Are Some Dicks In The Salvation Army

Not these guys. These guys are probably perfectly nice people.

But in Houston. . . .

Well just check it out:















From the Houston Chronicle:

Some toy drives check immigration status

They don't claim to know who's been naughty or nice, but some Houston charities are asking whether children are in the country legally before giving them toys.

I'm sorry, WHAT?

. . . several programs providing Christmas gifts for needy children require at least one member of the household to be a U.S. citizen.

Just as Jesus intended!

The Salvation Army and a charity affiliated with the Houston Fire Department are among those that consider immigration status, asking for birth certificates or Social Security cards for the children.

So, the point here is obviously to punish children for having the temerity to be born of immigrant parentage, right?

The point isn't to punish the children but to ensure that their parents are either citizens, legal immigrants or working to become legal residents, said Lorugene Young, whose Outreach Program Inc. is one of three groups that distribute toys collected by firefighters. “It's not our desire to turn anyone down,” she said. “Those kids are not responsible if they are here illegally. It is the parents' responsibility.”

Oh, I get it. You're punishing the parents. You're punishing the parents by making sure their children don't get any toys on Christmas.

“We want to be good stewards, so the people that are donating to us trust we're going to do the right thing,” said Sonya Scott, manager of care ministries at West Houston Assistance Ministries. The group does not check immigration but requires identification, including birth certificates for children, and proof of income.

Right, because when I give a toy to Toys For Tots, I want to damn sure know that it's not going to a child that hasn't been properly vetted. I want birth certificates, I want full background checks, I want to see this child's last three tax returns before she's getting my hard-earned Goddamned Barbie doll!

What the Hell is wrong with these people? Do you know what the Salvation Army's mission statement is? I didn't either, I assumed it had something to do with how much they love ringing bells in the freezing cold, so I checked their website. Here is their mission statement:

The Salvation Army, an international movement, is an evangelical part of the universal Christian Church. Its message is based on the Bible. Its ministry is motivated by the love of God. Its mission is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to meet human needs in
His name without discrimination.

(emphasis added)

Without discrimination! I guess being in Houston, the anti-immigrant impulse overwhelms the anti-discrimination rule.

For fuck's sake, how do you look at a kid like this

and tell her, sorry, kiddo! Your parents came here to try and give you a better life through their backbreaking and often demeaning work, so no toys for you! Feliz fuckin' Navidad, loser!

Sorry, we only do God's work for little AMERICAN Children. See, God is an American, so he just doesn't like you as much as the children that speak English, which is the only language God understands.



You know, I would think that the people who join an organization dedicated to trying to help people would be less likely to be total assholes, but I guess I should have known better. It's like Lily Tomlin said, "No matter how cynical you get, you can never keep up."

Barbara Walters gets "Edgy!"

(From the AP)
NEW YORK – Barbara Walters thinks this year's roster of fascinating people is a little edgier, more current and less obvious than usual.

Oh, you just know this is going to be good. What does Grandma think is "edgy?"

Here's glam rocker Adam Lambert, speaking with Walters on the heels of his racy performance at ABC's American Music Awards . . . "We said, 'Should we have done Adam Lambert or should we have done Taylor Swift?' And then he did this huge thing (on the awards show) and we said, 'Ah! We got the fascinating one!'"

What more fascinating than Taylor Swift? The deuce you say!
Oh, wait. I get it. Lambert's gay! That's so edgy! No popular singer has ever been gay before!




































Comedian-writer-entertainment mogul Tyler Perry is yet another one of Walter's fascinating people. But while wildly successful among black audiences, "most white people have never heard of him," she says.

Never heard of Tyler Perry? Who the fuck hasn't heard of Tyler Perry? The man has a movie out about once every six weeks, has two prime-time TV shows currently airing (both of which are gawd-awful, by the way) Who could possibly not have heard of Tyler Perry?


Have you seriously not seen these?










Oh, but yeah he's clearly a fascinating person. and so edgy. He dresse like a woman in his movies! Ha! No one's ever done that before!













































Who else?

She talks with mother of eight Kate Gosselin, who recently ended her TLC network reality series and is about to end her marriage to former co-star Jon Gosselin.

"Nobody hit the scales harder this year than Kate Gosselin," says Walters. "And this career is not over."

Edgy! Because it's not like you can turn on the TV without seeing this talking birth canal.

And I don't know what "hit the scales" means, but yes, this career is over.

As a different way of noting Michael Jackson's impact this year, Walters' program will profile the late King of Pop's kids: Paris, Prince Michael and Prince Michael II (known as Blanket).

Fascinating! Usually it's members of Micheal's family looking to milk one last dollar out of his corpse. But Barbara puts her own twist on the ghoulish ritual. Let's involve the children! Children love an exploitative debacle!

She talks with South Carolina's first lady, Jenny Sanford, who this year suffered every married woman's nightmare: the scandalous disclosure that her husband, Gov. Mark Sanford, had cheated on her during a mysterious disappearance last summer to Argentina.

Jenny Sanford is fascinating? Because she got cheated on? No politician's wife has ever been cheated on!

So what is so different about Jenny sanford that makes her so fascinating? Glad you asked!

"Jenny Sanford has reacted with dignity and courage and integrity," says Walters, "and touched a chord in many women, with a little bit of a warning for men: 'Don't take me for granted.'"

Quite a warning. Don't take me for granted, or so help me, I will react with dignity and courage. Maybe even integrity. I'm serious!
And who equates taking your spouse for granted with sticking your wang in an Argentinean hoochy mama? There really seems to be a pretty big difference, like one's a misdemeanor and one's a felony.

Glenn Beck, the highly popular, often incendiary radio and TV host, discusses with Walters his past struggles with alcohol addiction.

Okay, I'll give you this round, Barbara. Glenn Beck sorta fascinates me too. Mainly because I can't tell how much of his schtick is a put-on and how much is he really just bug-eyed poo-throwing crazy? And yeah, the idea of putting a libel-prone conspiracy theorist on prime-time network television could definitely be seen as "edgy." So you win this round, Walters. But I'll be back! This is all far from over! Bwuhahahahahahah!!!