Delusions of Grandeur

Remember when George W. Bush said that God told him what to do?

 

 God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did." (source)

Well, turns out he's not the only one with a messiah complex.


Ted Cruz's Father Tells Him 'God Has Destined You For Greatness'
 Submitted by Brian Tashman on Monday, 7/22/2013 1:20 pm -

  

Yeah, this guy. Obviously!

 

 

Here's what his wackadoo father had to say in an interview with David Broder:

Cruz: Yes, but you know something, it is not something that started a couple of years ago. Let me just go back to when he was maybe four. When he was four I used to read Bible stories to him all the time. And I would declare and proclaim the word of God over him.

Whast the fuck does that even mean, "Proclaim the Word of God over him?" I was raised in a fundamentalist household where we had little Bible lesson things every evening and I have no fucking idea what it means to "proclaim the Word of God over someone."  I know what it means to proclaim the word of God TO someone, but why OVER him?

And I would just say, ‘You know Ted, you have been gifted above any man that I know and God has destined you for greatness’

Um, you just said he was FOUR YEARS OLD, and he's gifted above any man you know? Do you know any men? Sorry, all the men that Cruz Senior knows, his four year old totally kicks all your asses.

I was on the state board of the Religious Roundtable, so when my son Ted was eight years old, all we talked about around the dinner table was politics because I was so involved with the Reagan campaign. So during that time is when I asked him so many times, ‘You know Ted, when I lost my freedom in Cuba I had a place to come to. If we lose our freedoms here where are we going to go? There is no place to go.’

Except for maybe Canada, where you were when Ted was born.
Or England.
Or France
Or Germany
Or Sweden
Or Portugal

Anyway, there are lots of places where one can go to be free. But sure, no place to go!!!!!

And soon even America will not be safe for freedom unless Ted Cruz, God's Favorite Four-Year-Old, can save her!

Or maybe Steve King, who is the closest thing to Jesus that Steve King has ever seen!

 

Truly this man was the Son of God!

 



In reference to having been asked "you didn't really say that thing about calves like cantaloupes, right? I mean no one would actually say that, not even someone as ridiculous as you, I mean you didn't actually mean that, right?" he comes up with this:

As you remember, Mr. Speaker, the high priest said to Jesus, did you really say those things? Did you really preach those things? And Jesus said to the high priest, as the Jews were watching, ask them. They were there, they can tell you. That was, Mr. Speaker, the assertion by Jesus that he had a right to face his accusers. That principle remains today in our law that we have a right to face our accusers. And when he said ‘ask them, they were there, they can tell you,’ he’s facing his accusers and demanding they testify against him rather than make allegations behind his back.”

 Yeah, that's totally the same thing. Being asked if you want to clarify your offensive comments is exactly like being on trial for your life in front of the Roman prefect. Obviously, if you say the wrong thing to the speaker, you could literally be nailed to a board and left to die in the  hot Jerusalem sun.

Also, I'm no theologian, but I don't think that Jesus was "asserting his right to face his accusers." At all. One thing about Jesus, he pretty much never asserted his rights. And his accusers were right there, he was already facing them. That's why he's able to say "ask them." To whom do you think he's referring to by "them?"

The Balls On This Fuckin Guy!

Pepper-spray lieutenant appeals for worker’s comp

The former police lieutenant who became the target of worldwide ire after dousing Occupy UC Davis protesters with pepper spray, John Pike, is appealing for worker’s compensation, claiming psychiatric injury caused by the Nov. 18, 2011, incident.

I don't even have a joke here. What a horrible, and yet pathetic, person.

Pop Culture Blaspheny Vol. II

Movies

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Okay, in fairness, I haven't seen the entire movie, but that's mainly because it was so boring I fell asleep before the end.

First, the most obvious problem with this movie, the shockingly racist performance by Mickey Rooney.


And you can say all you want about how "it was a different time," but there could not possibly have ever been a time when this insulting caricature could ever have been remotely acceptable.

But  Rooney aside, I think, and this is where the real blasphemy comes in, the biggest problem with this movie is that Audrey Hepburn is horribly miscast.

Don't get me wrong, I like Audrey Hepburn as much as the next fella, although I'll take Katherine any day, but she was all wrong for this role. Audrey Hepburn, an actress for whom the term "ingénue" could well have been coined as the free-spirited, devil-may-care, Auntie Mame character? It doesn't work. (And by the way, if anyone is not using "Auntie Maim" as a roller derby name yet, you're welcome!)

House republicans officially not even trying anymore

I know it has to be tough, trying to think up a new reason for faux outrage every day, but this is really just scraping the bottom of the phony indignation barrel.


House Republicans Fight Obama's 'War On Ceiling Fans'

Posted: 07/24/2013 7:36 am EDT  |  Updated: 07/24/2013 3:26 pm EDT

Are we really going to do this? Really?

Okay, fine, whatta ya got, Tennessee Rep Marsha Blackburn?

We've already seen the federal government stretch their regulatory tentacles into our homes and determine what kind of light bulbs we have to use," Blackburn said. "Now they’re coming after our ceiling fans. It is a sad state of affairs when even our ceiling fans aren't safe from this administration."

Oh my god! Look out, everyone, the big scary guv'mint is going to come to your house and, um . . . I don't know, take your fan? Or something? I guess? Anyway, the point is NO ONE IS SAFE! BE AFRAID!!!

"Why should we be regulating ceiling fans? Wouldn't you buy the one that is efficient that does the job -- aren't consumers wise enough?" said Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa).

Um, they were stupid enough to vote for Steve King, so probably not?

And I've bought a few ceiling fans in my day, I've never seen any energy efficiency information on the boxes. Maybe it's there, I don't know, but it's hard enough to find one that the Missus and I both like without having to figure out how many watts per minute it uses or whatever. And if people are going to buy the more efficient one anyway, what's the harm in having them all be efficient?

And now. . . The topper:

“We need to make our decisions not based on political wish lists, but we need to make it based upon real, true science,” Rep. Michele Bachmann told HuffPo when discussing the bill.

Yes, real true science says the woman who believes that HPV vaccinations can cause teens to suffer retardation.

And I replied, "oh, hi, mom!"

 Real True Science says the woman who thinks that global warming is some sort of hoax.
We need to base our decisions on real true science says the woman who believes that "hundreds and hundreds of  scientists" believe in intelligent design.

Make our decisions based upon real true science says the woman who thinks her husband has figured out how to de-gayify himself.

 

 

We prayed it away! Hooray science!

Committing Pop-Culture Blasphemy Volume I

People and things I think are overrated. Not necessarily bad, just not as good as everyone seems to think they are.

1. Paul Thomas Anderson

I enjoyed There Will Be Blood as much as the next guy, but I'm pretty sure that was mostly due to Daniel Day Lewis's eccentric performance as Daniel Plainview.

 And I had a real problem with the ending. It felt like at some point someone looked at his watch and went "holy fuck, it's been that long? Wrap it up. I dunno, just kill the preacher guy, maybe?'" t's so out of the blue, since plainview clearly seems to relish the idea of keeping the kid around to watch him grovel and squirm. Killing him spoils all his fun.

Magnolia, on the other hand was the worst 7 and a half hours I have ever spent in a theater. (it felt that long) The Tom Cruise character, especially was so ridiculous. This guy is supposed to have built a successful business standing on stage yelling "respect the cock!"?
His seminar is called "Seduce and Destroy." Now, I get that there would be a big market for a guy who could teach ordinary schmucks how to seduce women, but why the destroy? Is there really a big demographic out there thinking, I'd like to be able to have sex with women, but I also want to be able to inflict some sort of emotional damage on them at the same time. If only there were a guy who could teach me. . . say, what about that creepy little guy strutting around screaming about 'respecting cocks' and 'taming c*nts?'"

 

That's a guy from whom I'd seek guidance!

 

And the whole 'sins of the fathers" theme, did any one NOT find that incredibly heavy-handed? Geezuz, we got it 2 hours ago, run the fucking credits!

 

 

 

Boogie Nights was, of course, the film that answered the eternal question "is it possible to make a movie slap-full of sex and nakedness and still be kinda boring?" Okay, I'm not saying "boogie Nights" was a BAD movie, it was just sort of okay, but for some reason the critics treated it like the second coming of Citizen Kane, and honest to God, it just wasn't anything to write home about.

 

Only a gifted director could get Mark Wahlberg to act dumb as a post and Burt Reynolds to play a convincing egomaniac!

 

I have not seen "The Master," but everything I've heard about it seems to consist of people tying themselves in knots trying to come up with a reason to say that they loved it because it's Paul Thomas Anderson and if you're a film person you're required to love everything he does.