Monday, May 5, 2014

Fill in the blank

Complete this headline from yesterday's Las Vegas Sun:

_______'s message to young girls: Have premarital sex, risk death



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A girl in a body bag is taken away Saturday, May 3, 2014, during a performance of “Toe Tag Monologues” that was intended to teach girls about the risks of premarital sex.


Okay, fill in the blank. What fundamentalist Church group was sending this message to girls?
The Southern Baptists?
The Pentecostals?
The Taliban?
Give up?

The Las Vegas Police Department.

No, really.

Here's the original headline:

Metro Police message to young girls: Have premarital sex, risk death


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Ya got me, Jackie. Let's have a look-see:
Girls who “get promiscuous” can wind up dead.
That was the message behind the Metro Police co-sponsored “Choose Purity” event Saturday at the William Pearson Center in North Las Vegas.
“Choose Purity” aimed to show young girls what can happen when they don’t wait until marriage to have sex, according to Officer Regina Coward

Wait.
You can seriously be a police officer with the name "coward?" That's like being named "Doctor Sickness" or "Reverend Atheist" or something.

But anyway. . .

Girls who get promiscuous can wind up dead. Well, that is true. Also nuns can end up dead. And happily married monogamists. And dogs and hamsters and wildebeests - everyone ends up dead at the end (spoiler alert!)

But anyway, how does a police department end up in the purity business?

“Choose Purity” aimed to show young girls what can happen when they don’t wait until marriage to have sex, according to Officer Regina Coward, president of the Nevada Black Police Association, who said she’d been asked by her church, Victory Outreach Church, to create a community event to go along with its abstinence message.

Oh. That seems totally Constitutional. Of course police departments, paid for by the taxpayers, should be in the business of promoting the moral values of a particular religious group. Just as the Founding Fathers intended.

 So what does Coward say happens? Typically four things: sexual assault, gangs, drugs and prostitution.

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 I know, right?
Wouldn't that mean that like 90+ percent of young people should be drug-addicted gang-banging prostitutes?

 Avoid sex and avoid those perils, Coward said.

 Wow! So, among other things, you're saying that the victims of sexual assault could have been spared that trauma by simply "avoiding sex?" That is just a whole new level of victim-blaming.


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 The room of about 125 parents and children watched recorded interviews with a pimp and prostitutes, learned modern-day slavery exists in the form of the sex trade, and saw grisly images of people who’d suffered at the hands of hard drugs — such as a woman who’d lost limbs in a methamphetamine lab explosion and a man who’d had his face partially gnawed off by a meth user.

And what does the horror of women and girls being forced into sexual slavery have to do with consensual sex? And what the fuck does either have to do with meth labs?

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 If only they'd practiced abstinence!

 Wide-eyed youngsters watched as two girls gave dramatic performances told from the perspective of one girl who had died after abusing diet pills and one who had died after contracting a sexually transmitted disease as a prostitute. The monologues concluded with each girl getting on a gurney and into a body bag.

Jesus Christ! Youngsters? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you really want these little girls growing up so terrified of sex that. . . oh, right. Of course you do.  Because you're terrible.


When asked whether she’d recruited the “Toe Tag Monologues” to perform to send the message that engaging in premarital sex meant risking death, Coward said, “Yeah, because that’s what’s happening.”

No. No it isn't. I mean, yes, you could end up dying from AIDS or something from engaging in premarital sex. You could also die from crossing the street if a drunk runs a red light. You could die from going to the movies if a lunatic with an assault rifle decides today is the day. But the odds of any of those things are pretty astronomical. And the odds that engaging in consensual sexual activity while unmarried is going to cause a meth lab to blow your arms off or  that you will wake up the next morning enslaved to a pimp is pretty much zero. Yes, some people get harmed by meth, and yes some girls end up as sex slaves but neither of those things are at all related to consensual sex.

Coward said the event. . .  had to happen because Metro doesn’t have a detail that deals with abstinence.
Wait, you're telling me that the Las Vegas Police Department has a homicide division, a robbery division, even a Special Victims Unit, but doesn't have an abstinence squad? How can this be? You mean young people are just going around having sex with each other and not getting arrested?

Sending a message of abstinence is crime prevention, Coward said.

How?
I mean, you do know that the thing from which you're asking these kids to abstain isn't actually a crime, right? Even if you convince every young person in Nevada to abstain from sex until their wedding night, the crime rate will not be affected at all because consensual sex is perfectly legal you freak!

Coward said she is passionate about the issue because she became pregnant at 16 and wonders whether her life might had been different had she been taught she could say, “No.”

Oh my God. That is totally different. That is absolutely a message you should be sending to young women. You should absolutely let them know that they have every right to say "no," and that they should never allow anyone to pressure them into having sex if they don't want to. But that's not what you're saying. You're not saying "you have a choice, you can say no." You're saying "you must say no or you will die a horrible death of prostitution in an exploding meth lab with your gang." 

 The worst part is that this has a real possibilty of what I call the "Reefer Madness" effect. Back in the day, adults used to tell kids that if they ever took a puff of a "Jazz Cigarette" they would end up a hopeless addict and probably insane and all sorts of other horrible things. Well, once one kid in the neighborhood tried pot, or had an older brother or cousin or whatever who tried pot, and did not become insane, the kids figured out pretty quickly that the grownups were lying to them. So when the grownups warned about the actual dangers of drugs like heroin and cocaine, the kids rolled their eyes and thought "you said the same thing about pot."  And kids need accurate information about drugs so they don't end up like Jim Carroll who said he started shooting heroin because he thought that heroin was pretty safe and non-addictive as opposed to marijuana which was highly addictive and easy to od on. If he had better information, he might have spared himself years of addiction. But then he wouldn't have written "The Basketball Diaries" and "People Who Died," so it's a trade-off.

Anyway, if you teach these youngsters that having sex will kill them, how long before someone knows someone who tried it and she's not dead or in a gang, so I guess Officer Coward was lying to us, let's all go get laid! And then they won't have the information they need to prevent stds or pregnancies, which would be a real tragedy. Even worse than the imaginary tragedies of limbless meth-heads and hooker gangstas.



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Friday, May 2, 2014

Bad Ads - Hot Pockets





So hot? That's all you got?
You just took it out of the damn microwave, of course it's fucking hot! If you put your shoe in the microwave, it would come out hot. How is hot supposed to be a selling point? We should buy your product because it gets hot when exposed to heat? So does everything. Shouldn't you at least pretend it tastes good?

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Bad Ads -- Amazon Fire



This is in really bad taste.


 You know, Gary Busey actually has brain damage. He was in a horrible motorcycle accident and has permanent brain damage. He's not just s weird guy, he's not just eccentric. He has brain damage and that's not funny. It's in incredibly bad taste to make a joke of his odd demeanor or behavior or whatever.


Monday, April 28, 2014

Holy God, Bill Kristol is a moron!





Conservative pundit Bill Kristol on Sunday urged people to judge NBA team owner Don Sterling by his “deeds,” and not to “go hysterical over two or three sentences” where he tells his girlfriend to stay away from black men.

Okay, fine. Fair enough, let's judge him by his deeds.

 In November of 2009, Sterling settled the suit with the US Department of Justice for $2.73 million, the largest ever obtained by the government in a discrimination case involving apartment rentals. Reading the content of the suit makes you want to shower with steel wool. Sterling just said no to rent to non-Koreans in Koreatown and just said hell-no to African-Americans looking for property in plush Beverly Hills. Sterling, who has a Blagojevichian flair for the language, says he did not like to rent to “Hispanics” because “Hispanics smoke, drink and just hang around the building.” He also stated that “black tenants smell and attract vermin.” (source)


Okay. I think we're done here.

Trying to figure out the rules

Just trying to figure out what a right-wing asshole has to do to be abandoned by the FOX crowd.

If you are a deadbeat who encourages your followers to bring weapons of war to confront the United States government, they will #StandWith you.



If you are a stunningly ignorant racist who thinks the blacks were better off before they got all these "rights," they will #StandWith you.



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But apparently you can't be both.

Sean Hannity on Bundy ‘Negro’ Remarks: ‘Beyond Repugnant to Me’




Or is it maybe that you can wax nostalgic for Jim Crow and just be a good 'Merican, but longing for the days of slavery is just a bridge too far?


Then there's this:

 SundayReview | Op-Ed Columnist |​​NYT Now

The Pope’s Phone Call


The source of the potential trouble lies in a place where [Pope] Francis has arguably been most effective — in the distinction he’s drawn between the doctrinal and the pastoral, between how the church expounds its moral rules and how it approaches the human beings trying to live up to them

. . .
 

Francis could actually be considering a truly major shift on remarriage and communion, in which the annulment requirement is dispensed with and (perhaps) a temporary penance is substituted.
Such a shift wouldn’t just provoke conservative grumbling; it would threaten outright schism. The church has famous martyrs to the indissolubility of Christian marriage, and its teaching on divorce and adultery is grounded not just in tradition or natural law, but in the explicit words of Jesus of Nazareth.

This means that admitting to communion people the church considers to be in permanently adulterous relationships wouldn’t just look like a modest development in doctrine. It would look like a major about-face, a doctrinal self-contradiction.


So, Ross Douche-Hat, who inexplicably has his column published not in Catholicism Today, or the Right-Wing Christian Monthly, but by the New York Freakin' Times, is criticizing the Pope. Why is it suddenly okay to criticize the Pope? Generally, don't conservative Catholics like Douche-hat believe the Pope is infallible? Or is it like Presidents? When the President is one of your guys, then the office must be respected and we must rally behind our President in times of crisis, and the President's policies must never be criticized lest we embolden terrorists. But when the President is one of the other guys, then suddenly dissent becomes once again the highest form of patriotism and by dissent we mean things like questioning his parentage, casting aspersions on his religious beliefs and inviting a man who threatened his life to the goddamm state of the union.
Is that how it works for conservative Catholics, too? When you like the Pope, he is the infallible representative of God Himself, but when you don't like him, he's just some guy who doesn't understand about Jesus! Is that how it works? I'm really trying to figure out all these rules. It must be exhausting being a right-winger, having to keep up with all these rules. No wonder they're always in such shitty moods.