Sunday, October 26, 2014

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this guy!




baseball animated GIF




Have I ever mentioned how much I love watching Hunter pence play baseball? Even if you aren't a baseball fan, you should really check him out. Why do I love him? Let me count the ways.

First of all, he looks like this:

https://fbexternal-a.akamaihd.net/safe_image.php?d=AQC3NQsIjf3JIH9j&w=484&h=253&url=http%3A%2F%2Fusatftw.files.wordpress.com%2F2014%2F10%2Fusatsi_8153619_168380427_lowres.jpg%3Fw%3D1200&cfs=1&sx=0&sy=20&sw=1200&sh=627





 Like, all the time.

http://i.imgur.com/Xbo1Ivg.jpgHunter Pence Shared Foto


http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Hunter+Pence+World+Series+San+Francisco+Giants+ZZ_a9GKtUpYl.jpg

https://thefigureskatinglawyer.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/pence.jpg

Suzanne Warren's got nothin' on those crazy eyes!


He looks like a combination of the Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey characters from True Detective.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef01630507aa0f970d-pihttp://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/mp/yIAVtX4lw-kl.jpg



This is how he gets to and from the stadium:


http://mediadownloads.mlb.com/mlbam/2013/05/07/images/mlbf_26886949_th_43.jpg

And because this is San Francisco, this is his bobblehead:

http://coedbc.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/pence-sooter-bobblehead-big.jpg

 Seriously, this man loves his scooter. His scooter got stolen once, and he was heartbroken.

 http://mlb.mlb.com/assets/images/7/6/6/76885766/cuts/pence_scooter_missing_t0g3zisb_97tly48w.jpg

He got it back in exchange for a signed bobblehead.

http://blog.sfgate.com/giants/files/2014/05/giants22_686_mac.jpg
And was back riding it through the corridors of AT&T Park.

But that's not really the point. The point is that Pence is the most fun baseball player to watch ever in the history of baseball.


Every fly ball to right ends up something like this:

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-JYIJ0pwJYTg/UDOC6S_-9SI/AAAAAAAABQU/G0R5912n7-Q/s500/penceface.gif


http://sports.cbsimg.net/images//visual/whatshot/pence.gif

http://blogs.mercurynews.com/giants/files/2014/10/pence-catch.jpg

 Look at this guy throw!

 http://www.mlb.com/images/6/3/6/70571636/033114_pence_844vp62d.gif

 You'd think he'd never thrown a baseball before, until you see the ball fly a couple hundred feet right on target. He looks like a toddler flinging a toy away. (granted, this is due to a back problem and not just Pence's general eccetricness, but still.)


 And, my God, the flurry of arms and legs that is Hunter pence running down to first:



I read an article recently that compared Pence's base-running to a three-legged deer fleeing a forest fire. That deer might be a bit more graceful, but Pence has stolen over 100 bases in his 8-yr career, and just last night beat out an infield grounder to drive in a run. How many three-legged deer can do that? Can't be more than 2 or 3.




And no other player could inspire weird signs like these:


mlb animated GIF

What do they mean? I don't know. Apparently no one does, not even Hunter Pence. Apparently Mets fans started bringing these signs as a response to a Seinfeld-themed Tweet Pence sent out while in New York. I've searched the internet, talked to my brother in San Francisco and apparently no one understands this phenomenon, but the signs persist.

http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Screen-Shot-2014-08-03-at-8.53.33-PM.png

Whatever. Hunter pence is not someone about whom you really want to over-think. Just sit back, watch, and let the madness sweep over you.

with animated GIF

.

..



baseball animated GIF

Friday, October 24, 2014

Nice Priorities, LA Times!




Mama June of 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' reportedly dating sex offender

Los Angeles Times - ‎11 hours ago‎

A dating choice reportedly made by June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo's Mama June . . . might be putting "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" in jeopardy.


Oh, right. Of course, this would put "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" in jeopardy. Oh, and also might do the same for Honey Boo Boo, an actual child who could actually be in actual danger if her mother does turn out to be actually dating an actual sex offender. Also, I'm pretty sure she has several sisters who might also be in jeopardy. But you're right, the big story here is that the show might get cancelled. Nice priorities, LA Times!



Thursday, October 23, 2014

Asshole Couple of the Day

Saw this story on Joe.My.God:

Some weird couple from Kansas has filed a petition to have themselves inserted into the same-sex marriage case currently going on in their state. No, not a weird gay couple, a weird breeder couple. Why would they be involved? Well, let's just let their petition speak for itself.




https://www.scribd.com/doc/244022349/2-14-cv-02518-13https://www.scribd.com/doc/244022349/2-14-cv-02518-13


Okay, that's not going to be legible. The couple, Phillip and Sandra Unruh, claim that if two dudes are allowed to marry each other, the state will have violated their 14th Amendment rights, specifically the "due process" and "equal protection" clauses. Now, I would think that the equal protection clause would be one of the major reasons that gay marriage must be legalized, but I'm no attorney or legal scholar. I'm just a regular Joe. So let's see what their lawyers' legal argument are.

Well, it starts out with a bang, when they declare that marriage in Kansas has always been a one man-one woman affair, and gives two citations to back this up. And, I kid you not, those two are:

See Bible, Genesis 2:24 and United States v. Windsor

I don't know what law school teaches you to use the Bible as legal precedent, but I think they should get their tuition refunded.

http://lpac.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Regent-School-of-Law-300x110.jpg
Actually, I could make a pretty good guess which law school.


Then they make the incredibly legally sound argument that two same-sex people can't fuck a child into existence, so nuh-unh, that marriage doesn't count!

Then they claim that the Unruhs have "invested" in a  marriage contract, and if the plaintiffs succeed in legalizing same-sex marriage, their contract will, um. . . I don't know. It somehow loses its value if the word "marriage" is re-defined in a non-bigoted way? I think?
Apparently, this would deprive the Unruh's of their "property" which is, I guess their marriage? without due process of law? because if two dudes get married, the Unruh's marriage will be null and void?
I'm not sure how something as intangible as a marriage agreement could be considered "property" or how one could be deprived of such "property," but. again, I'm not a lawyer.
 Here's how it reads in legal terms:

“If the Plaintiffs are successful in their causes of action the meaning of marriage will be so fundamentally and profoundly changed that the Unruh’s will experience a taking of their property rights in marriage without due process of law."

 “The extension of marriage to same-sex relationships inflicts profound harm on the Unruhs. For the courts to say that from this day forward marriage in Kansas must be extended to a same-sex couple is and for ever will be deeply disturbing to the Unruhs. . ."

Which I guess is based on the legal principle that no one should ever have to hear or see anything that they find "disturbing." Just as I have a Constitutional right to never see a Tweet from a One Direction fan, or  have to acknowledge the existence of the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Believe me, both those things are far more disturbing than this:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef0128755f8089970c-450wi












Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Call their Bluff

So some group called "children of God for life" issued this press release:


Children of God for Life announced today that several Ebola vaccines in development for use worldwide are made using aborted fetal cell lines despite the fact that moral alternatives are reported as equally effective.


Yes, I'm sure these "moral alternatives" are just as effective, but these pharmaceutical companies are just choosing not to use them because, um. . . godless liberals? Obviously any big drug company would want to use the most controversial method possible to produce their medicines, that's just Business 101!

"There is absolutely no reason to use aborted fetal cell lines" stated Debbie Vinnedge, Director of Children of God for Life.


Debbie Vinnedge, who is not a doctor or embryologist or any sort of medical professional. her own website lists her qualifications as:


Ms Vinnedge is a nationally recognized author and speaker and has provided written testimony for Congressional hearings on embryonic stem cell research. 
Ms Vinnedge is considered the foremost authority on the use of aborted fetal cell lines in medical products and vaccines. 

 
There is no indication as to why she should be considered any sort of authority, but goddammit, she just is!

She has appeared on both local and national television programs and has been a guest speaker on major national television and radio broadcasts, including Fox News’ Hannity & Colmes,Vatican Radio, Ave Maria Radio, EWTN, Human Life International and Living His Life Abundantly. 

Her work has been featured in leading Catholic publications such as Our Sunday Visitor, New Covenant Magazine, EWTN Question and Answers, EWTN’s Ethics in Healthcare, American Life League's Celebrate Life, the National Catholic Register, Human Life International Reports and numerous diocesan newsletters and periodicals, including the Vatican’s Medicini e Morale.

Oh, well, if she is recognized as a medical expert by both FOX and the Vatican, well I take it back. She's obviously eminently qualified!

http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd78/Mafooo/sarcasm-detector.gif

Aaaaaanyway. . . her qualifications aside, this is the important line in the press release:

“It is completely irresponsible of this Administration to put these problem vaccines on fast-track for approval and ignore the fact that a massive number of people may very well refuse them. Why not fast track a product that everyone can use in good conscience?” asked Vinnedge.


Okay, fine. Refuse them. I can't think of a better way to thin the herd. Matter of fact, let's start making all the medicines out of embryonic cells. Let these people put their money where their mouth is. You think the "life" of an embryo is more valuable than that of a grown adult? Refuse your medicine. You've been telling us for years that you think the life of an embryo is more important than the life of a pregnant woman, so it must damn sure be more important than yours. So while the rest of us will gratefully take life-saving medications made from stem cells, you can hold your sick and dying heads up high knowing that you took a stand to defend this:

http://www.rhinofertility.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/zzpic-human-blastocyst.jpg


Monday, October 20, 2014

Right-Wingers love their FREEDOMMMMMM!!!!!!

Why is it that right-wingers, who are always shouting about FREEDOMMM!!! and tyranny and the sacred rights of the individual are always looking for some excuse to jettison civil liberties? Whether it was the cold war, the "war on drugs" or terrorism, right-wingers have always been overjoyed to hand over their precious freedoms in the name of safety and security (unless there's a black guy in the Oval Office, then suddenly they're all libertarians.)

Case in point: Charles Krauthammer

http://40.media.tumblr.com/9ee2068597df2bc81d4db39822a927c5/tumblr_n27hqpVy941qzls2xo1_500.jpg  

Pretty sure he's one of these guys.





                                                   
http://www.postercentral.com/ICE%20Magazine/publicity%202/washington-post.png

Charles Krauthammer: Ebola vs. civil liberties

Here's a summary: Aieee!! We're all going to die unless we shred the Bill of Rights!

First, he spends several paragraphs complaining about the Federal Government's response to the virus. Then he gets to the point:


In the face of a uniquely dangerous threat, we Americans have trouble recalibrating our traditional (and laudable) devotion to individual rights and civil liberties. That is the fundamental reason we’ve been so slow in getting serious about Ebola.


Seriously. This country has survived outbreaks of polio, the Spanish Flu, AIDS and cholera, but this disease which has killed exactly one US citizen, this is so uniquely dangerous that we must re-examine our entire approach to governing. 

1. Privacy.
Pham’s identity was initially withheld. In normal circumstances, privacy deserves absolute respect. But these are not normal circumstances. We’re talking about a possible epidemic by an unseen pathogen that kills 70 percent of its victims. Contact tracing is the key to stopping it, we’ve been told. What faster way to alert anyone who might have had contact with Pham than releasing her name? Why lose 24 hours during which people have to guess if they’d had contact with someone carrying the virus?

Interesting. You say privacy normally deserves absolute respect. I don't remember you having any objection to Robert Bork who claimed that there is no right to privacy. I fact, I googled "Krauthammer + Bork" and found nothing but laudatory things you've written about him over the years.  But I guess it doesn't matter since the first time you wet your bed over a scarrrry virus you're ready to chuck privacy overboard any way.


2. Quarantine.
When Duncan was first hospitalized, the CDC said it would locate his contacts and check regularly for symptoms. For the secondary and tertiary contacts, this made sense. But not for those in the inner “concentric circle.” They had had close contact with Duncan and were living in an apartment requiring massive decontamination. They should have been quarantined immediately. 

It’s understandable. Quarantine is the ultimate violation of civil liberties. Having committed no crime, having done no wrong, you are sentenced to house arrest or banishment. It’s unfair. It’s, well, un-American. But when an epidemic threatens, we do it because we must.

I would disagree. I don't think that quarantine is "un-American." If someone has a highly contagious, incurable disease, quarantine seems perfectly reasonable. Ebola is not that type of disease, so no quarantine would be necessary, but if it were, it certainly seems allowable.


 http://museumofhealthcare.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/scarlet-fever-quarantine.jpghttps://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFwhWe5dr_WTXhv_g6P6x5mWYIwvOEnFG920HmBESLem3GrE1ufAx3Au97EPuaCNaP_ySrHkQaPKn7Aixj3TTPKZEt-wJ342QcAozezc0oWyAihGwZYkr4Lj0xUo0xQbtUB1wD7s1Y2XQ/s1600/pg+91.jpghttp://directorsblog.health.azdhs.gov/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Quarantine.jpg

It's been done to death.

But you say it is not only a violation of civil liberties, but the ultimate violation. You say it is un-American. Yet you say "do it!" You're that ready to discard (other people's) rights as Americans?


President Obama, in his messianic period, declared that choosing between security and liberty was a false choice. On the contrary. It is the eternal dilemma of every free society. Politics is the very process of finding some equilibrium between these two competing values.


And yet, every right-wing moron loves to trot out the Ben Franklin quote:



http://warisacrime.org/sites/afterdowningstreet.org/files/images/Ben%20Franklin%20on%20Liberty%20and%20Security%2005182009.jpg

As long as the "liberty" being given up is the freedom to die of an easily preventable condition because you can't afford a doctor, then "liberty uber alles!" Until something scary happens, then they demand a government crackdown on all this damn liberty!


Regarding terrorism, we’ve developed a fairly reasonable balance.

spit take animated GIF

Seriously? Everyone's phone is tapped, they can read every e-mail, your library records and internet search history are available for scrutiny and you think we've achieved a "reasonable balance?"

Regarding terrorism, we’ve developed a fairly reasonable balance. But it took time. With Ebola, we don’t have time. Viruses don’t wait. The sooner we reset the balance — the sooner we get serious — the safer we will be.


Okay, fine. But I better never hear you complaining about how the big bad government is impinging on your personal freedoms ever agian.