Good News, Everyone!

We no longer need to worry about the Corona Virus!

Christian pastor Shawn Bolz: 'Lord showed me the end of the coronavirus'

By Caleb Parke | Fox News


Hey, if you can't trust Fox News .com/faith, who can you trust?

Shawn Bolz, a Christian pastor in Los Angeles who teaches about listening to God, has good news to share about the coronavirus.
He prophesied about the virus, which has sickened 91,000 people worldwide and caused more than 3,000 deaths, declaring "the tide is turning now!"

Um, if you're talking about a thing that is happening NOW. . . that ain't prophesying, butch. That's just talking.

"We're going to see it come to an end," Bolz told Fox News.

Good point. It is going to come to an end. The science people are going to develop a vaccine or a cure and we're all going to lock ourselves in our homes for a couple weeks and eventually this pandemic will be no more. It will end as all things end. Still don't really think this counts as prophecy. I mean, if that counts as a prophecy, then I am declaring myself a prophet because I am prediciting right now that baseball will once again be played in America. Eventually. I HAVE SPOKEN!

"I do believe it's the answer to prayer, with people of every type, Catholics and Christians. . .

Ohhh, hold on a minute there. Let's just unpack that statement for a second. Okay, to begin with, yes. Obviously there are only two types of people in the world - Catholics and Christians. And obviously Catholics are different from Christians because they worship, um . . . Christ. But a different guy who also just coincidentally happened to be named Christ? Okay, never mind., That all checks out. Please continue.

"I do believe it's the answer to prayer, with people of every type, Catholics and Christians, we can't afford a moment of darkness in history," he added. "God has a plan."

We  certainly can not afford a moment of darkness at this point in our history. That's not in dispute. So it's a good thing that God has a plan that so far has only involved about  2,500 deaths in Italy, 500 deaths in Spain, and 100 so far in the US! (plus a few thousand in the heathen countries, but it's not like God can be expected to listen to their prayers!)

Bolz counts himself among many Christians who hear God, including Vice President Mike Pence, Gov. Mike Huckabee, Justin Bieber, Chris Pratt, Denzel Washington, and Oprah Winfrey, who recently shared how hearing words from her pastor, Wintley Phipps, guided her career over the last 30 years.

Okay, this is a bit off-topic, but I'm pretty sure that Oprah's pastor has convinced her that he is God?

That never ends badly!

The founding pastor of Expression 58 was at a national event in South Africa Friday,During the event, Bolz prophesied to several people, including one person who recently finished treatment for cancer. Calling out details like names, children and profession, he told him the cancer would not come back and that he would live a long life and see his kids grow up. 

Jesus Christ! This is the dame schtick that Criswell used to pull. Make a prediction that won't be proven true or false until way off in the future, then take a bow and declare that you have prophesied and there's certainly no reason to doubt that it will come true! People are really still falling for this? You want to be a prophet? Prophesy about something that's going to happen later this afternoon. If it comes true, we can talk.

Bolz also said a number of significant miracles happened.

Right, sure, of course! No need to provide, say, a video clip of said miracles or even a general description of what they were. I mean, did you heal the sick? Raise the dead? Make the little girls talk out of their heads?

"I just felt like the tide is turning shortly -- whether it's two weeks or two months -- God cares about this," Bolz explained. "He's answering prayer and I saw two vaccines coming. I think one will come from Israel and another from an Asian nation, and they're going to hit pretty quickly."

Oh, yeah. I can see how much he cares about this because it's only been a problem since January and now he's going to maybe do something about it within like 2 months. I mean, he's obviously got a lot on his plate right now.
And vaccines being created in Israel and "an Asian nation" would obviously be the work of the Lord, not of Israeli and Asian scientists or anything!

Bolz said he later heard from a pastor from China that Wuhan, the province where the virus originated, is a place with many Christian missionaries who have been praying for revival for the past 100 years. 

I said "REVIVAL," not "Re-VIRUS!" Clean out your ears, God!

Corona Virus Lady Bingeing

Since we're being told to stay in our homes as much as possible, and since it is Women's History Month and since I totally missed Día Internacional de la Mujer, I thought I would try to combine all these recent events and present. . .

Lady-Centric Shows to Binge-Watch on Netflix

Comdey

Derry Girls



The story of 4 teenaged Irish Catholic Girls (and James, who is a "dick") growing up during the "troubles" in Northern Ireland. Might be somewhat offensive to any super devout Catholics, but pretty much safe to enjoy in mixed company for everyone else.


Workin' Moms




Created, written by and starring Catherine Reitman (daughter of Ivan), this show is a humorous look at the difficulties faced by new mothers returning to the workplace. This show does get quite a bit, um, bawdy, you might say? There is some occasional nudity, but interestingly enough, the nudity is never done for any reason other than to get a laugh. It's never erotic or prurient. In fact, this show might do more to de-sexualize / de-stigmatize the female nipple than any other endeavour. Probably wouldn't want to watch this with your kids or your parents.


Lady Dynamite




It's not a great show, but Maria Bamford is so good, just really really good, that it doesn't matter that much that the supporting characters are mostly annoying. She's just great. Of course, Bamford is one of my favorite comics, so if you're not as big a Bamford fan as I am, this may not be your best bet. Don't watch with anyone who has a problem with a lot of four-letter words.



Dramedy

Good Girls




This is actually a network show (NBC, I think) but the first two seasons are on Netflix. It's the story of three women, all desperate foir money for various reasons, who rob a grocery store. Then things quickly spin out of control as they are drawn deeper and deeper into a life of crime. It's the Breaking Bad formula, but funny. Great cast, too: Mad Men's Christina Hendriucks, Parks & Rec's Rhetta, Arrested Development's Mae Whitman, It's Always Sunny's David Hornsby, The Bridge's Matthew Lillard, etc.
It's made for network TV, so it's fairly appropriate family viewing.

Last Tango in Halifax



Two women from very different walks of life are thrown together when one's father begins dating the other's mother. It's a love-hate relationship that gradually trends more toward the love side as the two parents get engaged and everyone is becoming family. It's funny, it's sad in parts, it's a beautiful love story except when it isn't. And the cast is amazing. It's a master class in acting. Sarah Lancashire from Happy Valley and Nicola Walker form Unforgotten play the warring soon-to-be stepsisters. Created by Sally Wainwright who also did Happy Valley (see below)
(Unforgotten would have made the list, except that of the two main characters, only one is a lady-type person. But it's definitely worth watching too)


Horror

Marianne




(In French, with English subtitles)
As a young girl, Emma had recurring nightmares about a witch named Marianne. When she grew up, she turned those dreams into a series of successful horror books. Now it seems that maybe Marianne wasn't a figment of her dreams after all!
Too scary for children, but fine for teens and up I would think.


Cop Shows/Mysteries

Happy Valley




A cop trying to track down a kidnapper who may have been the man who raped her daughter and fathered her grandson while dealing with difficult family dynamics. About as dark as it sounds, not for kids.

Dicte: Crime Reporter



(In Danish with English subtitles)

here's tne imdb description: Dicte is a dedicated reporter and refuses to give up before she has her story. Her stubbornes gives her problems immediately with the policeman John Wagner, and they often get into clashes with each other.


Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries



Phrynie Fisher is a thouroughly modern woman with enough money to not have to live by 1920's society's standards. She solves murders while living the adventurous life of a roaring 20's flapper in Melbourne, Australia. Light-hearted, nothing graphic, fun for the whole family.

The Bletchley Circle




A group of British women who had worked as codebreakers during World War II turn detective. I don't remember a lot of the details, but I know we loved season one. The main character doesn't return for season 2, so we didn't like it as much, but it was still good.

Marcella



A cop on the verge of a nervous breakdown investigates a murder which might possibly have been committed by her.

Drama

Call The Midwife




You all know how much I love Call the Midwife. What else could I possibly say about this brilliant show that I haven't already said? Binge watch this sucker ASAP!

I know there are probably several I've forgotten, but we have free HBO for one more day and I need to finish the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm., so I gotta go. Happy bingeing!

Things I learned on Twitter

I'm not quitting the blog. I've just been super busy lately. Hopefully regular posting will resume in the near future. But today, I present Things I Learned on Twitter:


!. Bill Clinton just doesn't know when to let things go.

Bill Clinton: Monica Lewinsky affair was to 'manage my anxieties' https://t.co/IY2WndA8WP

— New York Post (@nypost) March 5, 2020

You know, Bill, no one was wondering. No one is sitting around in 2020, trying to decide between Bernie and Joe and thinking "Gee, I wonder why Bill Clinton decided to get his dick sucked in the Oval Office?" First of all, because all of us who happen to have dicks have no problem understanding why you would want to get yours sucked pretty much anywhere, but especially in the Oval Office. That's not a mystery. We totally understand your motivation there. I'm a little confused about your motivation fro bringing it up now, though. Did you just get up in the morning and think :you know, I haven't humiliated Hillary publicly in a while, think I'll bring up my most famous infidelity in an interview!" Then you popped your head up and said "Hey, America, remember me? Remember that time I got my dick sucked in the Oval Office? That was a baller move, right?" I think I speak for most of America when I say we would like to go back to not having to think about you at all, and we would especially like to not have to keep feeling bad for Hillary.

2. There's a good chance that thi year, the choice for President will come down to a senile compulsive liar who's a Republican and a senile compulsive liar who's a Democrat.

#VoteForBernie #VoteBernie

Trump will eat Biden alive. There is no way Biden can beat Trump. Vote Bernie.

pic.twitter.com/KS21YWar8Q

— Johnny Henshaw-Jacobs (@HenshawJacobs) March 3, 2020

Biden will lose to Trump. pic.twitter.com/FgmHikTc5N

— Secular Talk (@KyleKulinski) March 4, 2020

3. Men in the 1970's were apparently super weird about women's hands?

Things that men really liked in 1973, according to Cosmo... #TuesdayMotivation pic.twitter.com/vuyJkxoEm0

— Pulp Librarian (@PulpLibrarian) March 3, 2020

When you see a headline that reads "Things to do with your hands that men like," you're probably thinking "Yeah, I know what that one thing is." But apparently, you'd be wrong. 'Cuz there are like a hundred other things that men apparently used to want women to do with their hands.Some of them are a bit obvious, like "un-kink his tense neck muscles with a massage." I mean, sure. Who wouldn't enjoy that? Others a re just downright offensive like ". . .put cushions under his head and feet. Bring him a martini."Then there are some that are just bizarre.

Hand his orange juice to him while he's toweling off after the shower.

Yeah, that's the perfect time to hand someone a beverage, when he doesn't have a free hand. He'll think you're a lunatic.

Smash his goblet in the fireplace.

Okay, first of all, who has a goblet? What Medieval fortress are you living in that has goblets and fireplaces? And you know what, goblets aren't cheap. If someone threw my fancy-ass drinking vessel into the fireplace I would have a serious bone to pick with that person.I mean, why exactly am I supposed to enjoy this bit of senseless vandalism?

Section his grapefruit.

Oh yeah. Treat your man like an invalid or a toddler. Hey, maybe you can cut his meat for him too! And give him his beverage in a sippy cup (since you've already destroyed the glassware.)

Do needlepoint while he watches.

Is needlepoint code for some sort of naked activity? Or is your man just incredibly easily entertained and doesn't own a television, radio, or books?

Put your hands on his naked waist and stare at him.

Stare at him? He's naked, you're putting your hands on him, he's thinking there are good times ahead and then you just. . . stare at him? Are you trying to get him to have you committed?

Give him an egg shampoo

Right. . . I know there's nothing I enjoy more than when my wife cracks eggs onto my head and. . . I mean, I guess that's what an "egg shampoo" would be? Like washing one's hair with eggs instead of something that makes hair, you know, clean? Oh hell yeah, baby! Next could you rub raw bacon on my face and coat my skin in cake batter?

Now that egg shampoo thing might seem impossible to top, but what about this thing that us menfolk love for our womenfolk to do?

Make a sandwich out of him and two pillows. Your feast.

Okay, I'll admit the "your feast" part sounds intriguing, but am I to be smothered between two pillows whilst the feasting is happening? Because I gotta say, that's. . . well, okay, it's not a deal breaker, but it sounds pretty awful.

And there are some that are even a bit insulting.

Pat his stomach and ask if there's any movement.

So, is she making fun of my pot belly? Like pretending that she thinks I'm pregnant? Because that is just rude. I have lost like 15 pounds already, I am doing my best! Nothing is ever good enough for you!

Put your fingertips across his mouth

Okay, I get it. You can just say "Shhh." Or "Not now, I'm watching my stories." You don't have to be a jerk about it!

Weekend Playlist -- Food, Glorious Food.

Crybaby of the Day

Today's biggest crybaby is 3rd-tier FOX blonde and all-around shitty person Kaitlin Bennett, aka "Gun Girl," aka "Beretta Barbie." (TM)

Bennett went to the campus of Ohio University for some reason, presumably to be "provocative" and "trigger some libs," and was not given the kind of welcome for which she had hoped.

(CNN)Conservative media personality Kaitlin Bennett didn't announce she was visiting Ohio University. But hundreds of students showed up to protest her appearance.
Bennett, a controversial activist who drew attention for taking graduation photos with an AR-10 rifle strapped to her back at Kent State University, said she was in Athens, Ohio, on Monday to film a video for Presidents Day.

Because why wouldn't she just drop in like Bob Hope doing a walk-on on the old Tonight Show?

But as soon as students got word she was there, crowds of protesters descended on Bennett as she walked around the campus.
In footage captured by Sarah Donaldson, digital editor for student paper The New Political, students lined all five floors of the university's student center as Bennett and her bodyguard traveled down the escalator.
Some shouted obscenities at her.

Which, you know, is not nice but "sticks and stones" as they say.

God DAMN, Peanuts was fucking dark! I think my psyche is permanently damaged becasue my parents let me read this shit as a child.

Bennett shared a video of students gathered around the orange truck she was in as it slowly drove through a parking lot, and some threw water at its windows while she filmed them. 

So, people were rude to this awful awful woman. Or, as she puts it - leftist terrorists started a riot.

Like this, except without the fire and the tear gas and without the violence.

This is how she put it on her Twitter:

This is what happens when a Trump supporter goes to a college campus. Leftists at @ohiou started a riot when @Joelpatrick1776 and I showed up, and the @oupolice let it happen. I think @realDonaldTrump should strip funding from universities like this that harbor terrorists. pic.twitter.com/5TMlfdto9O

— Kaitlin Bennett (@KaitMarieox) February 17, 2020

Awwww, were you scared, Kaitlin? Well now you know how normal people feel when they encounter one of you NRA assholes strutting around with a fucking assault rifle at Quizno's.

And the funniest part is when she's whining about how the cops aren't doing anything, the cops are just letting it happen! Because of course this civil libertarian, this defender of the Bill of Rights, wants the jackbooted government thugs to stop unarmed protesters from exercising their First Amendment right to jeer at her and give her the finger. Of course she does!

And then, because no conservative will ever be honest about anything, she has to embellish the story with claims of actual assaults.

They threw projectiles and poured hot coffee on us, and there's video of your officers witnessing @Joelpatrick1776's truck being vandalized. But yeah, just "some unknown person in the crowd splashed water." I can't wait until @realDonaldTrump takes away your school's funding. https://t.co/b0jiVYW5wy

— Kaitlin Bennett (@KaitMarieox) February 17, 2020

Somehow, though the girl who films herself more than John and Yoko has no video of "projectiles" being thrown at her or hot coffee being poured on her. She does have video of students flipping her off through water-spattered windows (which I guess in her world amounts to "vandalism" of  her friend's truck?)

Oh my God, it gets even better! She actually does tweet out a video clip of her being "pelted in the head with projectiles!" Oddly, the video shows a roll of toilet paper being thrown past her (which she doesn't even seem to notice) and then. . . nope, that's it!

As leftists were pelting me in the head with projectiles, this girl basically told me I deserved it because I'm "in the extreme minority here". I think @ohiou should know that their students think violence against minorities is okay! pic.twitter.com/2TFqkSdo0Z

— Kaitlin Bennett (@KaitMarieox) February 18, 2020

And she's trying to paint herself as a minority because she holds views that the majority of people find repugnant which then makes the imaginary person who pelted her in the imaginary head with an imaginary projectile guilty of some sort of hate crime, I guess?

Congratulations Kaitlinn Bennet, desperate seeker of fame, low-rent Dana Loesch and all-around awful person, you are the crybaby of the day!