Friday, July 22, 2016

Weirdest Moment of the RNC

Of course there were a lot of weird moments at this years RNC shitshow. From "Doctor" Ben Carson trying to link Hillary Clinton with Lucifer to Melanoma Trump apparently getting pranked by her speechwriters, including ending her speech by getting Rick-Rolled. 

There was the duck dynasty idiot telling the assembled dullards dolts  and dunces  that Donald Trump would "have their back," which is one of those expressions that sounds nice but doesn't really mean anything, and what meaning it has doesn't really fit a guy who has made a career out of stiffing contractors and swindling investors.

There was some screamy minister leading the crowd in chanting "All Lives Matter!" even though he's black, then saying he dreamed of a society where education and good jobs replaced mass incarceration as if he had no idea whose convention he was addressing.

There was this creepiness:

 I didn't have the stomach to watch much of the debacl, but I think the oddest moment for me, of the odd moments I did see was the speech by Scott "Chachi" Baio.  I mean, first of all, what the hell was he even doing there? Do people even remember who he was? And it's not like he's some sort of activist or politically involved or intelligent or employable or anything. But he did manage the oddest line of the entire tiny part of the convention I managed to sit through. He said that Donald Trump was
 “a man doing this from the goodness of his heart and genuinely wants to help.”

Donald Trump and "the goodness of his heart," That's two phrases I never thought I'd hear in the same sentence. It's like one of those things that you just assume has never been spoken by human tongue like "No, that's too many French fries," or "boy, I can't get enough of that Katy Perry!" or "Madam, please! Remove your mouth from my genitalia at once!"

How did Scott Baio get invited to speak? From what I understand, not only were all the speaking slots filled, but there were dozens of prominent Republicans begging to be asked to appear. They even had to bump Tim Tebow after he said that he had never agreed to appear and would not do so if asked. So who didn't make the cut?
My sources tell me that the following prominent dignitaires who were bumped, including:

This Chair:

This inanimate carbon rod:

Jim Carrey's butt

Snidely Whiplash

Patrick Starr

And Cthulu



jadedj said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I hate when falling on the floor laughter (mine) happens before I'm through with my java.

For me the highlight of the Melee for Monkies was Stephen Colbert's Roomba camera coverage of the condiment station. Why isn't the media writing about that?

anne marie in philly said...

I too am spitting my morning cawfee at the screen; spouse said he missed the chair this year.

we didn't watch the shitstain show either; we had better things to do, like clean our belly buttons.

brewella deville said...

So Trump and his goons have finally come out and said in plain English what the Lee Atwaters and Karl Roves of the party tried for so long to keep under the surface. Dog whistles have been replaced by a bull horns wielded by the biggest bully of all, but who is he yelling at? Rabid racists, misogynists, and violent Christian fundamentalists, although they are numerous, aren't enough to put him in the White House. Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan went nuts up on the convention floor. Ted Cruz's mini tantrum was all about him, there was no honor in it. But what did the Republican Party's elder statesmen (yeah I know, but just bear with me) do? Did they go to the convention and speak to anyone with a microphone about how bad a Trump presidency would be for the country? Nah, they stayed home and stayed silent. But I'll bet you they were busy with the next Lee Atwater, the next Karl Rove, busy trying to figure out a way to wrap Trump's message in a much more appealing package, a smoother blend of hate and fear for American consumption. You know, something to bring the sheep back into the fold.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

ROFL! You're in top form, Professor!

Lowell said...

Yeah! I agree with everything you said. Good work, Prof. C.

The Blog Fodder said...

There is a meme going around with a photo of a moose reclining in a wading pool with a car burning across the street. "Canadians watching the American election"

Margaret Benbow said...

Trump probably feels he was demure and following
the rules of propriety because he only stroked his daughter's
hips and didn't grab her butt.