Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Republican Implosion, a Brief History.








First, they hitched their wagon to this star:
Then they decided that this guy: was going to be their 2012 standard bearer. Unfortunately, both of them spoke in public, and that was the end of that!

Then they put this guy: in charge of the whole party.

But he got bitch-slapped by this guy: And so did this guy:
And somewhere in all the confusion, this guy: started getting taken seriously.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then this guy: tried to blow an undercover cop.

This guy: got caught having sex with a lady who is NOT the lady in this picture.

And this guy: just disappeared.

He later showed up and admitted to having been with this gal: (artists rendition)

instead of this one: Meanwhile, this gal: was in a batshit-crazy contest with this guy: and winning!

This guy: was talking secession with this guy: and these guys:
became the defacto spokesmen for the whole party.

You know what, republicans? Just stop it! Just cut it out! There has to be a minimum of two functioning political parties in this country.
See, here's the problem - liberals tend to over-think things, conservatives tend to under-think. Conservatives see everything in stark black & white, liberals see endless shades of grey. We need to have some of both so that it averages out to a normal person.
So knock it off! Quit fucking around and get back in the game!






NO! Not you!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Republican Women of Anne Arundel County

How am I supposed to come up with something funny to say about this?

rwaacThe Republican Women of Anne Arundel County, one of Maryland’s most prominent Republican organizations, has launched an outrageous attack on President Barack Obama. The website currently features a letter from Joyce E. Thoman, the organization’s President, comparing Barack Obama to Hitler. An excerpt:

Dear Friends:

Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common in my view. Obama and Hitler use the “blitzkrieg” method to overwhelm their enemies. FAST, CARPET BOMBING intent on destruction. Hitler’s blitzkrieg bombing destroyed many European cities – quickly and effectively. Obama is systematically destroying the American economy and with it AMERICA. First the banking/investment industry, next private enterprise (GM and Chrysler) and now HEALTH CARE. And he is working on grabbing more of the American economy with his environmental extremism!


How do you respond to something like that? It's just so fucking insane! How do you compare environmental "extremism" (of which no one could accuse President Obama) with the fucking blitz? I can't even tell whether these people actually believe their own bullshit, or has it just been a process of "let's throw every imaginable scary label at him and see if one sticks."

So, from the moment Barack Obama took office, it's been: "he's Stalin, he's Hitler, he's Osama bin Laden, he's Neville Chamberlain, he's a socialist, he's a fascist, he's a secret Muslim, he's a zombie, he's Dracula, he's a Yeti, he's Jason Voorhies, he's the Zodiac Killer, he's a Sith Lord, he's Anton LaVey, he's the fourth Jonas Brother, he's a gay Tellytubby, he's the anti-Christ, He's an anarchist, don't know what he wants but he knows how to get it. He wants to destroy, possibly!


(for those of you under 40, that's a Sex Pistols reference)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

FIX IT!

Micheal Steele just gets more and more ridiculous. Here's his solution to the health care crisis:

So if it’s a cost problem, it’s easy: Get the people in a room who have the most and the most direct impact on cost, and do the deal. Do the deal. It’s not that complicated.

If it’s an access question, people don’t have access to health care, then figure out who they are, and give them access! Hello?! Am I missing something here? If my friend Trevor has access to health care, and I don’t, why do I need to overhaul the entire system so I can get access he already has? Why don’t you just focus on me and get me access?

Did anyone else think of this:


When they heard that?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Jim Kouri

I'm not sure how I stumbled onto this gem:

Terror threat continues at US borders

By Jim Kouri



Jim Kouri

Jim Kouri, CPP is currently fifth vice-president of the
National Association of Chiefs of Police.


(it took me a while to find out what the "CPP" referred to. It apparently stands for "Certified Protection Professional," which turns out to be a fancy word for "bodyguard." When Bodyguard is the top line in your resume', then yeah, I guess you're qualified to comment on international terrorism!)

As the number of Americans who remember the horror of the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington almost eight years ago dwindles,

Seriously? You really think anyone is looking around Manhattan asking "whatever happened to those two big buildings, the World Something or Other?"

Islamofascism is taking hold in Central and South America.

It is? What evidence do you have to back up this claim?

According to testimony given to the US House of Representatives Armed Services Committee by General Peter Pace, the former US Joint Chiefs of Staff, Hamas has joined Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda in the Triple Frontier Zone in Latin America where the borders of Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay converge.

Well, I'm certainly no Peter Pace expert. I don't know everything he's ever said, so I thought, it's possible Gen. Pace did testify to this. So I did what's known as a "google search" for the terms "Peter Pace" + "Hamas" + "frontier zone" and found several articles stating the same thing about Pace's testimony. True, they were all written by Jim Kouri, but still, that's some pretty compelling evidence!

Border Patrol agents began to voice what many believed were legitimate concerns about "armed incursions" into the United States from Mexico-based assailants. They reported that heavily armed Mexican army units and federal police, called federales, had infiltrated US territory and fired upon them, in some cases.

WHAT? The Mexican Army invaded and no one told me? I'll bet they were riding unicorns and casting voodoo spells with their magic wands made of fire!

Seriously, you're really saying that the Mexican Army has comitted acts of war within the United States, and this is not the lead story on Lou Dobbs?

Many of our political leaders and most in the news media ignore these violent attacks on our national sovereignty while more and more Americans are saying, "This has got to stop!"

Just like they continue to ignore the threats posed by Dr. Evil, The Riddler, and the Loch Ness Monster!

And our northern border with Canada has many law-enforcement leaders even more concerned. Canadian security experts concede that there are several radical Islamist groups active in their country. In fact, Hezbullah's largest headquarters is located not in the Middle East but in Toronto.

In Fact, a quick Google search will show you that "According to the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, Hezbollah's largest headquarters outside of the Middle East is in Toronto."

That's a pretty big difference.
That's like being the biggest douchebag outside of "The Hills."
Or the most dangerous criminal outside of prison.
Or the craziest motherfucker outside of FOX.

Americans can probably count on one hand the number of congressional leaders who will even debate the issues of illegal immigration or border security.

Sure, if you're this guy: Go to fullsize image



Putting aside terrorism, the lack of border security contributes to crime. In Los Angeles, a look at outstanding arrest warrants for homicide reveals that over 90% are for illegal aliens.

Well, that number didn't seem like it could possibly be true, so I checked it out with Snopes.com which said that the figure comes un-sourced from testimony by one Heather MacDonald, who turns out to be a hack from the headquarters of hackery, the "Weekly Standard." My best guess is that Mr. Kouri got his bad information the same place most of us get ours, from a forwarded e-mail.

Any time someone tells you that the media are ignoring what would be the biggest story of the year, then throws around a bunch of totally bogus data, I figure I'd better take a closer look at his "credentials." According to his bio, he is the "fifth vice president of the National Association of Chiefs of Police."Even though his name does not show up anywhere on the organization's website, I'll take his word for it. So, he must have been at one time the chief of some police department? Not exactly.

He's former chief at a New York City housing project in Washington Heights nicknamed "Crack City"

So, unless "crack city" had its own police dept, Ol' Jim was not a police chief, even though his bio reads in such a way that if you're not reading carefully, you would get the impression that he was, but I'm sure that's completely unintentional.

He's also served on the National Drug Task Force

Sounds impressive! What is that, some federal law-enforcement agency? Not exactly.
I kid you not, it's an internet-based talk radio program! Really. Check it out.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much credibility does Jim Kouri have?


Go to fullsize image


Oh, sorry Jim! How about you stick to topics you know something about, like, um . . . .
well, there's, um. . . .sorry, Jim, I got nothing!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Sunday Funnies!

~Retro~Spanking.jpg (27080 bytes)
Now son, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts-
Oh, who am I kidding? I feel like king of the fucking world!

RetroMMouseEars1959_z.jpg (45823 bytes)

That's right, Jimmy! If you want to be an official club member,
You can't wear any pants!

Retro~BeatleRemcoDolls.jpg (86498 bytes)

Oh, man! Remember the Beatles? Those dead-eyed psychotic-looking, lipstick-wearing young mop-tops. We sure loved 'em!

~Retro LP Dino2.jpg (33308 bytes)

Featuring the hit single "I think the roofies have kicked in."

~Retro LP Cugat.jpg (46130 bytes)

And introducing Mr. Hankey!

Retro~Rawhide.jpg (59828 bytes)

So you say there are clubs that cater exclusively to guys like us?
And it's called Folsom Street?

~Retro~Rebel.jpg (122233 bytes)

Like what you see, ladies?

RetroBeverlyHillbillies62.jpg (71687 bytes)

We don't care fer yer kind around here!

~Retro~Tarzan.jpg (231576 bytes)

Me love children! Me host sleepovers at
Tarzan Ranch! Me serve Jesus Juice.

~Retro~CaptN.jpg (152307 bytes)

I don't even have a good line for this.
What could I possibly add?