the Cat Olympics

SCHEDULED EVENTS FOR THE 2012 CAT OLYMPICS


























GYMNASTICS


















SWIMMING


















TENNIS


















CROSS-COUNTRY



















SOCCER



















THE LONG JUMP
















THE HIGH HURDLES





























THE HIGH JUMP





















GRECO-ROMAN WRESTLING




















AND EQUESTRIAN EVENTS





























SOME MEMBERS OF THE CAT SOCCER TEAM WILL BE TESTED FOR STEROIDS.

So Many Questions.

I don't know who these folks are who are acting out this section of Bobby Jindals' memoir, but that's really the least of my questions.




I guess my first question would be: someone in your little group has a seizure and NO ONE calls an ambulance? The head weirdo says "c'mon everyone, lay hands on her" and nobody says "sure, as soon as I'm done dialing 911."
Question # 2: What's with the fat guy scat-singing during prayer time? I'm sure he would claim to be "speaking in tongues" but I'm pretty sure he's just imitating what he thinks Hebrew sounds like. And while we're on the subject, in the New Testament, when the disciples start "speaking in tongues," everyone in the area heard them in their own language.

Acts 2: 6 -- the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language.
⁷ And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans?
⁸ And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?

So how is it that whenever these nuts supposedly "speak in tongues," it's just gibberish that no one understands?

 

Hommina Hommina Hommina!

 If you want to speak gobbeldygook and say that it's some sort of sign of how godly you are or whatever, that's certainly your right, but it seems pretty stupid to call it "speaking in tongues."

  

Question # 3: Shouldn't the Devil be more adept at bad language? At some point the possessed girl says something like "you buzzkills are boring me to death!" Also I believe she says "eat my farts!"  I'm pretty sure the devil would be capable of more scathing language than that.

 

Ask her, she can give you a few tips. You mother-fucking cunts!

Question # 4: Do they really think that flatulence signals the presence of the devil? "Oh, my God, her gas smells like sulfur!" Um, so does everyone else's. 

One year when I was a kid, there was one Easter egg that my dad hid so well that no one found it for weeks. If these people had been there, they would have thought the entire backyard was possessed.

Question # 5: A "Rival Christian Group?" How are there rival Christian groups on this campus? "Let's all pray together now." "Hey can we pray with you?" "Fuck you, heretics! Your position on tras-substanciation is totally bullshit!"

 

Fuck you, we're the People's Front of Judea!

Question # 6: So, if I'm getting this correctly, the lesson here is that if you have cancer, your best bet is to get yourself possessed by the Devil, because after the possession, the doctors found zero cancer cells? No need to waste your money on expensive medicines and surgery, just go Linda Blair and boom! Cancer gone!

Or is the lesson that Bobby Jindal is a nut? Yeah, maybe that's the real lesson.

The Party of Personal Responsibility

Remember when it used to be considered a bleeding-heart pansy liberal thing to say that "society" was to blame for people becoming criminals or whatever? And remember how conservatives used to howl about personal responsibility and how no one is to blame for the crime except the criminal himself? I miss those days.

AFA News Director Says Liberal Churches, Media Share Responsibility for Colorado Shooting

Submitted by Brian Tashman on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 4:00pm

Fred Jackson, the American Family Association’s news director, while discussing the Colorado movie theater shooting today said that liberal Christian churches and liberal media helped contribute to violent incidents by supposedly deemphasizing the fear of God and the Bible. During AFA Today, Jackson had on as his guest Jerry Newcombe of Truth in Action Ministries to discuss his column on the AFA’s OneNewsNow blaming the shooting on a waning fear of God and Hell, and blamed the American Civil Liberties Union for destroying the public school system by supposedly forbidding students from reading the Bible. “You wonder why all these terrible things are happening to us when there is no fear of God,” Newcombe said.

Jackson maintained that unlike in the communities of forty years ago, liberals in the media and churches, along with movies and the internet, have “have come together to give us these kinds of incidents.”

Also unlike 40 years ago, nuts now have easy access to military-grade assault weapons. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

But seriously, if only our culture put more emphasis on the fear of God and Hell, this young man's brain chemicals would never have turned on him and he would never have become a paranoid schizophrenic or whatever it is that convinces a young person that the audience at a Batman movie must be destroyed.

 

Because obviously this is the sort of man who weighs the pros and cons of his actions before proceeding. I'm sure he would have weighed the possibility of going to Hell against the chance that the Batman audience was all out to get him and made the wise decision.

R. Emmett Tyrrell: 'Brain Dead' Liberals are to Blame for Colorado Shooting

Submitted by Brian Tashman on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 11:00am

Yesterday, Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association blamed liberals for the movie theatre shooting in Colorado:
But Fischer is not alone in assigning blame to the left.
R. Emmett Tyrrell, the founder and editor of The American Spectator, spoke to Fischer yesterday about the Colorado shooting and told the Religious Right talk show host that “a country that is being forced to turn away from God because of the liberals gets things like the Colorado massacre in abundance.” 

 Because it was Brain-Dead liberals who decided that gun manufacturers should be completely free to sell any kind of weapon to any lunatic who wants them. I believe it was Saul Alinsky's idea!

Culture of Death and the Batman Shooting

• 
• Matt Barber

Today, children are reared in a culture that glorifies – even worships – death and violence. But brutal crimes such as this are not the cause of our culture of death; they are merely a symptom. . . 

Just one example, though a big one, is America’s ongoing capitulation to the horrific abortion violence carried out under cover of manmade law each day – an equally evil phenomenon.

Beneath the euphemistic banner of “reproductive choice,” hundreds of women elect to have their own babies slaughtered in the womb daily. Children – those who dodged the abortion bullet anyway – aren’t stupid; they’re just young. From this, they can only deduce that, according to our culture, human life is cheap and meaningless.

So why are we surprised when people like the “Batman killer” act accordingly?

 They certainly couldn't learn that life is cheap and meaningless from an administration that sent thousands of their peers to their deaths in some god-forsaken desert for no discernable reason other than to funnel taxpayer money to KBR and Blackwater.
And I'm sure that no one would get the idea that life is cheap by a culture that says "you want a military-class submachine gun? And you're batshit insane? Here ya go, son!"

 

Now don't go committing any mass murders, kiddo!

Fischer: 'We've Tried It the Liberals' Way for Sixty Years Now and What Do We Got? We Have Massacres in Aurora'

Today on Focal Point, Fischer specifically blamed liberals and opposition to posting the Ten Commandments in public schools for the shooting, lamenting, “we’ve tried it the liberals’ way for sixty years now and what do we got? We have massacres in Aurora.”

  

Aw, shit! No one told me that "don't kill" was a commandment! 

If only they'd been posted at the courthouse!

Flip Benham Declares CO Shooter to be 'Spawn of the Ideology of the Democratic Party'

Submitted by Kyle Mantyla on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 5:26pm

Flip Benham of Operation Save America has decided to join the cavalcade of blame being unleashed by the Religious Right over the tragic mass shooting in Colorado last night, declaring that the suspect is "an Occupy Wall Street guy" who is "the spawn of the ideology of the Democratic Party:"

So apparently, the shooting is the fault of: Liberals, abortion, The Democratic Party, Secularists, Liberals, Occupy Wall Street and Liberals. Everyone except the man who pulled the trigger. And guns. Goddammit, you better not try to blame gun violence on guns! Because what ever happened to personal responsibility?

Santorum Going Out Of His Way to be an Asshole.

Life Imitates The Simpsons

Or at least former criminal and current idiot Darrell Issa does:

Sat Jul 21, 2012 at 04:00 PM PDT

Darrell Issa proposes renaming the ocean after Ronald Reagan

by HunterFollow for Daily Kos

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) is floating legislation that would name most U.S. coastal waters after former President Ronald Reagan.
Issa reintroduced his bill Wednesday to rename the country’s Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ), which generally extends from three miles to 200 miles offshore, as the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.

Hmm, reminds me of a little something from back in 2003. . . .
I remember it like it was yesterday. . . .

 
 Season 14, Episode 14:

Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington

Mr. Burns: Welcome, fellow Republicans. To start with the old business, Brother Hibbert will read a report on our efforts to rename everything after Ronald Reagan.

Dr. Hibbert: All Millard Fillmore schools are now Ronald Reagans, the Mississippi River is now the Mississippi Reagan...

Dracula: And my good friend Frankenstein is now Franken-reagan. Blah!

Mr. Burns: Excellent!