Field Guide to the Beards of the World Series

 

The "Ladies' Man (c. 1975)"

 

The "Civil War Veteran"

The "Devil"

 

The "High school Sophomore"

 

 

The "Cartoon Villain"

The "Midnight Toker"

 

The "Old Testament"

 

The "Stripper's Pubes"

 

The "Smooth Operator"

 

The "Home Recording Studio"

 

The Cobain

Who to watch tonight -- Hunter Pence.

Okay, Hunter Pence is not the best player in the world.

He's certainly not the most graceful.


GIFSoup



But for my money, no one is more fun to watch than Hunter Pence.



First of all, he looks like this:



If you were making a movie about Hunter Pence, you would probably cast Chris Elliott in the title role.

And for some reason, they just can't get him a pair of pants that fit.


And there is no pitch at which he will not lunge wildly.




Every routine fly ball to right is an adventure.





It's more fun to watch Hunter Pence take warmup swings than to watch most players hit a bases-loaded triple. He swings the bat the way an axe murderer swings an axe. And he goes after each pitch like he just caught the ball in bed with his wife.

Oh, and watch him throw the ball in from the outfield, you'd swear he'd never thrown a baseball before.

The guy is nuts, and that's good TV, win or lose.

I've been very busy lately

Between this weekend's scooter rally





And watching the Giants kick a bunch of red tail-feathers all over the bay,



I've been neglecting my blogging duties.

But no more.

I have one day before the World Series begins, so time to get caught up.

Let's see, what have I missed?

Tagg Romney would like to take a swing at President Obama? Seriously?

I double-dog dare you, Tagg. Seriously, you don't have to worry about the Secret Service. the only thing that might keep the Prez from dropping you like a sack of wet laundry is if the First Lady got to you first.


You prissy little yuppie, you want to go around taking swings at people who call your father a liar? It's gonna be a long fuckin night, 'cuz everyone calls your father a liar. Is your indignation tempered at all by the fact that your father is actually a huuuuuuge liar? That he lies as easily and glibly as any sociopath?

Mitt Romney is a liar! Come at me, bro!



Let's see, what else has been going on?


Oh, I see deadbeat dad Joe Walsh has graduated from the Todd Akin school of lady-parts-ology.

Asked by reporters after the debate if he was saying that it’s never medically necessary to conduct an abortion to save the life of a mother, Walsh responded, “Absolutely.”

“With modern technology and science, you can't find one instance,” he said. “... There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing.

You know, I'm no doctor or scientist or anything, heck I don't even have a uterus, but even I know someone who very nearly died from a tubal pregnancy. So, that's one instance right there. What makes these right-wing fellas think they know so much about the female reproductive system?





Oh, and some creepy white-supremacist guy was caught throwing away voter registration forms in Virgina, which is obviously a federal crime, but don't worry, he was working for the Republican party, so that pretty much means it was all on the up-and-up, not like ACORN!

  

This guy couldn't possibly have any nefarious objectives!

State Board of Elections won’t ask attorney general to investigate worker arrested for dumping voter registrations

Sure, no investigation needed here, because, um. . . . wait, why?

RICHMOND, Va. (WTVR) – The State Board Of Elections says it will not ask Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli to investigate the case of a Republican Party contract worker, accused of throwing voter registration forms in the trash. . . .

“There’s no way to tell by party when people fill out these forms, what party they’re affiliated with, so I don’t think there’s any political motivation,”  Virginia Registrar Brandi Lilly said Friday.

There's just no way of knowing whether that voter lives in a heavily Democratic precinct, or is, say, oh, I don't know, black, or female.
And even if there really actually somehow was no partisan political motivation for this creep to throw out voter registrations, the fact remains that he was throwing out voter registrations, denying citizens their right to vote while employed by the Republican party.

Oh, and also this:
(via C&L)




So, the guy throwing away voter registrations not only was a contract worker for the GOP, his profession is "Grassroots Field Director" for the RNC. But, surely there is no partisan agenda at work here!

I keep hearing people talking about how confident they are that Barack Obama is going to be re-elected because Mitt Romney is such a dismal, unlikable piece of work, and I wince every time I hear it. Because they don't seem to be taking in to account the amount of chicanery the GOP is going to throw at the election. They are already doing everything in their power to suppress the vote via voter ID laws, and restricting early voting. They've been caught changing addresses on Democratic voter registrations in Florida, "True the Vote" is training assholes to challenge voters at the polls in swing states, and oh, by the way TAGG ROMNEY BOUGHT THE COMPANY THAT SUPPLIES THE VOTING MACHINES IN OHIO, which pretty much makes us an official banana republic now.

Hart Intercivic supplies voting machines that will be used in Hamilton County, Ohio, one of the state’s most populous counties. In 2008, Barack Obama won the county with 209,000 votes—his third highest vote total among all Ohio’s 88 counties.
H.I.G. Capital, a large investment fund, is a “significant investor” in Hart Intercivic, according to an announcement put out last year by Hart. And H.I.G., in turn, is one of the largest partners, with nearly $10 billion of equity capital, of  Solamere Capital, the investment fund founded and run by Tagg Romney, Mitt’s eldest son, The Nation recently reported*.
Mitt Romney seeded the firm with a $10 million investment, offered strategic advice, and was the featured speaker at its first investor conference in 2010, The Nation reported.

 Wow. I think I was alot happier not paying attention to all this shit.

Can we just go ahead and start the World Series now?

Another reason to weep for the future of America

Glenn Beck has his own line of designer jeans. Not kidding. Glenn Beck is selling jeans which seems like a great idea since his main demographic looks like this:



Can't wait to see the Glenn Beck audience struttin' around in their designer skinny jeans!

Glenn Beck announced Monday morning the release of 1791 Denim, a new line of jeans made entirely in America. The jeans are the latest from 1791, a clothing line launched by Glenn in 2011.
The team at 1791 has been working on the jeans for close to a year, something unheard of in the fashion industry. 

But completely normal in the incompetent-fashion-industry.

The jeans were conceived by Glenn, who has been involved with the new jeans in every step of the process from the stitching, to the buttons, and to the quality of the rivets. Tim Didonato, 1791 Designer, has been the point man on the design, working with Glenn to make sure his vision for the new line was executed. He has been branding all of the labels on the back of the jeans by hand, as well as managing all of the details of the look of the jeans.

The look of the jeans could be best described by the word "jeans." They look like jeans. They stole the rivet idea from Levi's, and the blue denim from Levi's and, well. . .

 

Is that really "fashion-forward?"

The idea for the jeans came in 2011, when Glenn was doing research for an episode of TV focused on the fashion industries use of advertisements that celebrated the protests in Europe and the Middle East. Glenn found that jeans, an iconic American product, were no longer being made in America.

What a scoop! You actually did research to find out that shit doesn't get made in America anymore?  In 2011, you were just blissfully unaware that everything is now made in China? What a fine, fine journalist you must be!

Rather than sit back and complain about yet another industry going overseas, Glenn decided to do something about it and tasked the nascent 1791 clothing line, staffed by only Tim and LJ, with making a new line of jeans that would be made entirely in America. And they had to do it as soon as possible – since that is the only deadline that Glenn ever gives his employees.

And in Beck's world, apparently,  as soon as possible means work on it for over a year. Also, I'm not sure what impression I'm supposed to get from that line, that ASAP is the only deadline Glenn ever gives. Am I supposed to be impressed that Glenn is such a tough s.o.b. that he will accept nothing less than as soon as possible? Or is it supposed to be that Glenn is such a cool boss that he doesn't give any actual deadlines, he just tells his employees to get it done as soon as they can?

Here's the depressing part:




They're sold out. People are buying these. So you can look forward to seeing a lot of guys looking like this in the near future:



Also, because they are "sold out," they don't show a price on the website. According to HuffPo, though they retail for $129.99. What a bargain!

Things I Should Have Said At Work Today

1. Why, yes. Yes, this is all done. I just enjoyed doing that task so much that I decided to do it a second time just for fun, which is why you see me doing it right now.

2. Directions? Sure. Take 285 to Cobb Parkway, exit North. You'll see a Target store on the right. Go in there and buy a fucking GPS because you are a professional truck driver and being able to find your way from one place to another is a big part of your job description. You're welcome, see ya soon.

3. Really? Do you mean to tell me that there is a Redbox location that YOU were unaware of? Alert the media!

4. Don't take this the wrong way, but that is not my fucking problem and I couldn't give less of a shit.

5. Hmm, maybe it would help if you asked me the same fucking question a fourth time. Maybe I've just been accidentally saying no when I meant yes.

6. Aah, isn't that cute? You're such a big helper! Never mind that I just said I didn't need any help because this is a one-man job. The important thing is that you're helpin' daddy!

7. I can't believe that radio station has been on for four hours and this is only the third time I've heard that song that goes "no lie, no lie, no lie-ee-i-ee-iii. . ." That should really be played at least every minute of every day because it's totally not the worst song in the history of recorded music, and that history includes "Friday" by Rebecca Black.

8. How was my lunch? I'm so glad you asked! Let me regale you with tales of the sandwich. Pull up a chair and I'll try to draw you a mental picture, oh if only I'd remembered to take an Instagram of side of coleslaw.

9. I quit.