Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Please. . .

Oh please God, let this really happen!

First on CNN: Conservative group pushes to topple GOP leaders in Congress

Washington (CNN) - A conservative group is launching a new campaign which calls on "the GOP leadership in both the House and the Senate to step aside."

ForAmerica told CNN that it's putting six figures behind its "Dump the Leadership" campaign between now and November's leadership elections.

  

 The group says that its digital ads will target House Speaker John Boehner, Majority Leader Eric Cantor and Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy, as well as Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and Minority Whip John Cornyn

God? I don't ask for much, but please please please let this be a real thing!

Oh please do this. Please, I'm begging you, "For America," whoever you are. I'm begging you to actually go through with this!

"Time and again, year after year, the Republican leadership in the House and Senate has come to grassroots conservatives, and Tea Party supporters pleading for our money, our volunteers, our time, our energy and our votes," said ForAmerica Chairman Brent Bozell in a statement to CNN.

Oh hell yes! It's Brent Bozell! He's actually crazy enough to really do this!

 So if this works out the way I think it might, and I have every reason to believe that it will, we should be seeing a shit-load of unelectable candidates from the Sharon Angle/Todd Akin wing of the far-right in Republican primaries across the nation. If they win their primaries, they increase the odds of their states and districts going blue. If they lose, they still might damage the incumbents enough by forcing them to tack to the extreme right that they increase their states and districts' chances of going blue. It's a win-win!

Let a thousand Christine O'Donnnells bloom!

I'm not a witch! I'm a fucking lunatic!

a

Crazy Candidate of the Day - You knew it was only a matter of time edition

You had to know it was only a matter of time until she threw  her tricorn tinfoil  hat into one ring or another.

Victoria Jackson Files for County Seat in Tenn.

THOMPSON STATION, Tenn. February 4, 2014 (AP)

 

Look at all these books I've never read!

Former "Saturday Night Live" cast member Victoria Jackson has filed to run as an independent candidate for a seat on a county commission outside Nashville, Tenn.

Jackson, who calls herself a tea party conservative, moved to Thompson Station in Williamson County last year. She told The Tennessean (http://tnne.ws/1n8zPjr) she filed as an independent because she's "very disappointed with the Republican Party."

 Really, Victoria Jackson? Are you really running for office?

Yes! I’m Running for Office! Vote Jackson!
Read more at http://victoriajackson.com/10501/yes-im-running-office-vote-jackson#sypL04QouHXlAW3K.99

Yes! I’m Running for Office! Vote Jackson!

Posted by Victoria Jackson on February 3, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Yes! I’m Running for Office! Vote Jackson!

I have just become an “empty nester” so I have time in between acting jobs to get involved.

 

 

A ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! "Between acting jobs!" Ahahahahaha!!!!

 

What are you working on Casual Sex? Part 2?

 

This is my first time running for office. I want to be an example to other moms, and regular folk to get involved in their local government. It’s the only way we will save America.

 

 

And if you're trying to save America, you're probably going to want to wait until the kids are out of the house and you have some spare time "between acting jobs." It's not like saving America is all that urgent or anything.

 

 

So what are Ms Jackson's (if you're nasty) policy positions? Well, she's in favor of AMERICA!! WOO HOO!!! And some other kinda crazy shit.

 

I’m against Common Core

Well, a lot of people are against Common Core. That doesn't sound all that crazy. Of course, the link she provides leads to a story on Wing Nut Daily by despicable harpy Phylis Sclafly entitled Education dictates more like 'Communist Core' So that seems pretty sensible.

 

 

I’m against Agenda 21, which is being implemented already at the local level,

 

No. No it isn't. What exactly going on that you think is implementation of "Agenda 21?"

 

Agenda 21, which is being implemented already at the local level, in offices like Main St. Franklin where “Franklin Tomorrow” pushes “innocent” policies like bike paths and walking trails, perhaps unaware of the United Nations plot to separate American citizens from their private property, eliminate suburbs, and concentrate people groups into cities, forcing mass transit, eliminating cars under the false-science guise of “human caused” global warming/climate change.

 

Oh my God! That sounds like something generally shouted through a bullhorn by someone standing on a milk crate on any streetcorner in Los Angeles! Anyone who sees a vast global conspiracy behind the building of a bike path is exactly the sort of person who should hold public office! People who see walking trails as a sign of an impending takeover of a scary globalist agenda are exactly the kind of people who should be put into positions of responsibility!

 

 

 

 

Terrifying!

 

Our Freedom of Speech is under attack. At the Manchester Muslim Community Outreach Event last year, State Attorney Bill Killian announced to a group of 1,000 that American citizens could be federally prosecuted for saying disparaging remarks against Islam. This is not Freedom of Speech. This is the beginning of the implementation of Shariah Law

 

Okay, I don't know who Bill Killian is,

                (maybe?)

 

 but if he said that, he is either a moron or a liar.

And if you really believed that criticizing Islam was a federal crime, would you really be posting shit like this on your own website?

 

". . .every civilization Muslims have infiltrated for the last 1400 years, they have annihilated. That’s why they’re bad neighbors.”
They are infiltrating America right now.

Islam is a Satanic cult written 600 years after the Bible. It takes the Word of God and rewrites, distorts it. Mohammed admits that he thought he was demon possessed when he got his first “revelations.” He practiced “black magic.”

 

That's pretty fucking bold. Aren't you worried that the black helicopters might come and take you away to a FEMA re-education camp?

 

Our Freedom of Religion is under attack. Pastors who preach the Bible, are being accused of “hate speech” if they agree with God’s view of homosexuality.

Because if someone criticizes the way you express your small-minded, hateful religious views, that's the same thing as attacking your freedom. Oh, excuse me, I meant  

 

 

I support fiscal responsibility, personal responsibility, and the Constitution. I’m for less taxes, less regulation, less government. I support small business. I want to keep District 2 rural. I think nature is important. But, something needs to be done about the traffic jam on Main Street/Columbia Pike.

Okay, I'm a little confused. You want to keep District 2 rural, but you don't want regulations? Because anything you, as a county commissioner to keep your district rural would be regulation. When you keep developers from building in your rural district, that's regulation.

Also, you want to keep it rural, but what, build more roads? How are you planning on easing traffic in some way that apparently would be harmful to nature, while keeping things rural but without taxes or regulation?

 

Well, I'm sure you'll explain all this during the debates!



Buy More Cookies!

Not that we need any other reason to buy more Girl Scout Cookies, but once again the lunatic right wing is launching a boycott. 

Endorsement of Wendy Davis Triggers National Boycott of Girl Scout Cookies

Now, the Girl Scouts don't actually endorse any candidates, but why let the facts get in the way of some good ol' fashioned phony outrage?

A part of every Thin Mint and Do-Si-Do, every Samoa and Savannah Smile goes to support abortion advocacy. So say John Pisciotta, who runs a tiny pro-life organization in Waco, Texas

And there is no saner place on Earth than Waco, Texas!

A few weeks ago, the Girl Scouts designated Wendy Davis as an “incredible woman” who deserved to be on the list of 2013 “Women of the Year.” Only a month earlier, the organization promoted Kathleen Sebelius as a woman of “courage” on its Facebook page.

Ah. Got it. They admire successful, influential women. And you know what that means.

 

So what's the problem with Wendy Davis?

Davis is not known for much more than exaggerating her life story and for her filibuster of a pro-life bill in the Texas legislature. Her critics point out that the bill she filibustered was one that limited abortions after viability.

Oh, good point. Her critics do say that. Her critics are lying sacks of shit, but they do say that.

 Kathleen Sebelius has been the bête noir of the pro-life movement for her role in Obamacare and mandating abortion coverage even for religious entities, what some Catholic bishops have called the largest expansion of abortion in the country since Roe v. Wade.

Oh, well we can't have these little girls looking up to these women that we've made up a bunch of lies about! 

 Pisciotta told Breitbart News, “The Girl Scouts were once a truly amazing organization, but it has been taken over by ideologues of the left, and regular folks just will not stand for it. Anyone who cares about this ought to go to www.cookiecott.com and find out why.”

Okay, I'll bite. Let's click over to cookieboycot.com and get educated!

  

Wait, just one more first. 

 I get the feeling I'm going to need to keep my strength up!

 Well, according to the boycott site,

 GSUSA, with over 2 million girl members, maintains relationships with many pro-abortion advocacy groups.

So I followed that link to another link which led here: http://mygirlscoutcouncil.com/uploads/3/2/6/7/3267198/wagggs.pdf   which has a lot of underlines and arrows drawn on it, mainly highlighting lines about how Girl Scouts are part of a global community of scouting groups, and I sure didn't see anything about abortion. Because, as an organization of adorable little girls, they really don't have anything to do with abortion.

Anyway, one would suppose that there would be at least a few right-wing nut jobs that will refuse to buy Girl Scout cookies this year

RWNJs, the only people cold-hearted enough to say "no"

 to these little faces!

so it is up to us, the normal, sane community, to buy more cookies this year to make up for any losses they might suffer.

After all, whose eyes would you rather see tears in, his


Or theirs?



Seems like a no-brainer to me!

Hell, yes, it is, Ma'am!

Bad Ads - Chili's

So Chili's new campaign is based around the idea that "more life happens here" which seems to mean approximately nothing.





But beyond the silliness of the slogan, I have to wonder - how anxious am I supposed to be to go to your restaurant when you don't mention the food at all? Not a word about the food. Now, I've eaten at Chili's before, and I understand why you might want to downplay that food, but shouldn't you at least pretend you're serving something palatable? Because, I think you can look at a little girl's haircut or have an awkward first date at pretty much anywhere. So why am I going to your restaurant?
Trick question! I'm not.

Crazy Candidate of the Day - Dr Chaps

Gordon Klingenschmitt, or "Dr. Chaps" as he calls himself, candidate for Colorado state assembly, used to be a Navy Chaplain. He claims to have been honorably discharged from the service, but, a few seconds of Googling brought up this (source):
He was actually charged with disobeying an order and kicked out of the Navy for attending a political rally in front of the White House in March 2006 dressed in his Navy uniform, a violation of military regulations. Dozens of media reports over the years have since debunked Klingenschmitt’s dishonest statements about the nature of his court-martial.
Via Irregular Times, Captain Norm Holcomb (a fundamentalist Christian himself), says:

I was the dishonored ex-chaplain’s supervisor for the past 2 years. I found him to be totally untruthful, unethical and insubordinate. He was and is contemptuous of all authority. He was not court martialed for praying in Jesus’ name. I sent him out in uniform every week to pray at various ceremonies and functions. He always prayed in uniform and in Jesus’ name. He was never told that he could not pray in Jesus’ name. In fact, the issue of prayer had nothing at all to do with his dismissal from the Navy. He disobeyed the lawful order of a senior officer. I am sure that you understand that Navy Regulations forbid any of us, regardless of rank or position, to appear in uniform in support of any political or partisan event.
[...] He appeared in direct support of a political event, demonstrating contempt for the order of his Commanding Officer and Naval Regulations that we all swear that we will abide by…. The ex-chaplain is a man without honor and you have accepted his story and in doing so you have had “the wool pulled over your eyes.”

So, technically, his discharge may have been "honorable," but come on.

If you're having trouble sleeping, go to his website and watch his zzz-inducing video, where he rambles on and on and on about his supposed accomplishments for almost nine fucking minutes!

Here are some of his "qualifications."

BUSINESS LEADER:

M.B.A., created two corporations, met payroll, patent applicant, inventor, entrepreneur

 

Patent "applicant!" Because, you know, not just anyone can apply for a patent. . . oh, wait!

Also, claims to have created two businesses, does not give name of either.

COURAGE UNDER FIRE:

As a Navy Chaplain, took a stand for 1st Amendment Religious Freedom to pray "in Jesus' name."  Vindicated by Act of Congress ('06)

See above.

COMPASSIONATE ADVOCATE

 

Pro-Life: Organized Personhood initiatives in 5 states affirming that Inalienable Rights Trump lesser "rights"

Also capitalizer of random Words.

Pro-Marriage:

 opposed Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Defended DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act), Opposed ENDA infringement

 What does ENDA have to do with marriage? Hey, who knows? That's like asking why someone would use so many different fonts on one resume! Some things are just mysteries.

And Dr. Chaps is not afraid to stand up to those dastardly liberals, either:

Gordon Klingenschmitt will stand up to the liberals in Denver to:

 

DEFEND your First & Second Amendment rights, and the WHOLE rule of law!

 

CUT unnecessary tax increases illegally imposed without a vote of the people!

 

REVERSE the trend of full-time jobs being converted to part-time jobs!

 

PROTECT the elderly and innocent children from abuse and fetal homicide!

Yes, he will protect the WHOLE rule of law. Except for Roe v. Wade.
And the Affordable care act.
And any judicial decisions forbidding discrimination.
And taxes.
And, well you get the picture.

But more importantly, Dr. Chaps will stand up to those liberals who are, um, converting your full-time jobs into part-time? Are they really, um, are they doing that? It's not private businesses doing that? The private businesses with whom government must never interfere and on whom government must never put any regulations? Dr. Chaps is going to tell those private businesses that they have to make you full-time again? For freedom?

 Let's take a look at some of  Dr. Chaps' positions on important issues of the day. shall we?

On marijuana legalization:

"There is a demonic spirit of drunkenness," Klingenschmitt said, "but this drunkenness, this desire for pleasure where we invite these spirits into us ... and why do you think you have hallucinations? These spiritual visions that you have are not just biological; they're actually demonic"

Oh, that explains a lot:



 Of course, marijuana doesn't actually cause hallucinations, but if it did, you can bet they'd be demonic!

On the Affordable Care act? Here he is on the Ed show.

 

I think?

 

Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Obamacare takes healthcare away from, a half a billion dollars was taken away from old people, from Medicare to fund basically a slew of people who refuse to get jobs. …





John Fugelsang: . . . So I’d like to ask the chaplain if I could, Jesus never at any point in the gospels condemns abortion even though people were terminating pregnancies at the time. He does however come out quite frequently against killing the sinner through the death penalty. So have you sir ever once protested your tax dollars being taken to fund state sanctioned killing. …
Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Jesus said in Mark 15 that if anyone disobeys or dishonors his mother or father he should be put to death. Jesus said in Luke 17.


 So, I guess we'll be having the death penalty for smart-alecky children, then?


Here's his stance on ENDA, the employment non-discrimination act I mean the Death to Christianity! Act.

“If ENDA becomes law, Christians will be bankrupted in all 50 states, ordered to choose between obedience to God (refusing to participate in sin) and remaining in business. The First Amendment guarantees our freedom from such burden. The Government is now ordering you: Forsake God or starve to death. I pray that I would choose bankruptcy, starvation, even death, before disobedience to God.”

That seems a reasonable objection.



I mean, it's common knowledge that every act passed by the federal government is designed to in some way bring harm to Christians. That's why there are no Christians in the halls of Congress ever.

Well, this is not the first place and it may not be, sadly, the last place that Christians are punished by law for exercising their religious conscience objections,” the ex-Navy chaplain said. “We do see a demonic spirit of tyranny and persecution — and anti-Christian persecution, which violates our ability to obey God.”

Oh, of course, demons! I should have known!

Top Congressional Advisor

And what is his stance on the NSA spying on Americans? Well, he's against it, surprisingly. Although maybe not so surprisingly, when one considers the current occupant of the White House.

As “Dr. Chaps” explained today, there is a “Satanic, evil spirit” of “hiding” and “secrecy” that is behind the NSA program, just as there is a demon of tyranny that is using President Obama to oppress Americans. “Father in Heaven, we pray against the domestic enemies of the Constitution,” [Gordon] Klingenschmitt proclaimed; “against the demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant and that demonic spirit is oppressing us” (source)

Of course! Now it all makes sense!

So, if you live in whatever horrible part of Colorado this assclown is trying to represent, and you're not too busy hallucinating on the pot, be sure to head to your polling place on election day and vote for absolutely anyone else who is on the ballot.


P.S. He also just makes shit up:

The most recent evidence of this fact is the story of Derrick Hayes, a high school runner in Texas who was allegedly disqualified from an event for thanking God after winning a race…Hayes and his family admit that he was not disqualified because of his faith…But just because the supposed victim of this tale of persecution admits that it is not true, that is not about to stop “Dr. Chaps” Gordon Klingenschmitt from using it in his latest prayer update or his “Pray in Jesus Name” television program where he claimed that Hayes was disqualified because “demonic spirits” had possessed the race officials.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/525674/third-rate-teevee-preacher-tells-all-obama-is-possessed-by-demons-and-thats-why-we-have-the-nsa#gwcFMTh3HSDOuuqK.99