Tonight On FOX!

Coming up later:

Losing Weight: Can it make you fatter?

Medicine: Bad for sick people?

Gasoline: Will it make your car stop working?

Soap: Does it make things dirtier?

Eating: Can it cause hunger?

Watching FOX: Does it make you even stupider?

This Just In. . .

And in a related story, this cameraman sucks.

Hey, Superman!

Get back to work!

You too, Batman!

I'm not paying you to dick around playing fucking baseball!

What? No, you're fine, Robin.
Don't worry about it.

P.S. I figured Robin was the catcher.

Who Can Be A Bigger Dick?

Pat Robertson set the bar pretty, pretty low with his "deal with the devil" bloviation. Let's see who will challenge Pat for the title of biggest dick (Haiti edition).

First Up: Debbie Schlussel.

It’s good that Barack Obama finally commented on the suffering of the people of Haiti and dispatched American help. Yes, morally we should help them because it’s the right thing to do. But strategically, we must help them because if we don’t, we’ll soon find Obama welcoming thousands more Haitian refugees to our shores and entitlement roles.

Wow! Debbie took a look at the news footage of the tragedy in Haiti and immediately thought: "Oh, God! They're gonna start coming here!" That's your concern? That more of "those people" will come to America? And that is the main reason for providing help to the victims? Pretty dickish, Deb!

Who's next?

Rush Limbaugh:

Yes, I think in the Haiti earthquake, ladies and gentlemen -- in the words of Rahm Emanuel, we have another crisis simply too good to waste. This will play right into Obama's hands -- humanitarian, compassionate. They'll use this to burnish their -- shall we say -- credibility with the black community, in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community, in this country. It's made-to-order for 'em. That's why he couldn't wait to get out there. Could not wait to get out there.

That place, Haiti, has been run by dictators and communists. And how long is it gonna be, how long is it gonna be before we hear Obama and the left in this country say that what we really need to do is reinstate the communist Aristide to the leadership position down there to coordinate putting the country back together?

Damn! Rush saw the calamity unfolding and thought "Hey! I can use this to score some points against Obama!" What a dick!


Who else? Anyone from that bastion of dickishness, the Heritage Foundation?
Why, here's Heritage member Jim Roberts now:

The U.S. government response should be bold and decisive. . . President Obama should also reach out to a senior Republican figure, perhaps former President George W. Bush, to lead the bipartisan effort for the Republicans.

While on the ground in Haiti, the U.S. military can also interrupt the nightly flights of cocaine to Haiti and the Dominican Republic from the Venezuelan coast and counter the ongoing efforts of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to destabilize the island of Hispaniola.

The U.S. should implement a strong and vigorous public diplomacy effort to counter the negative propaganda certain to emanate from the Castro-Chavez camp. Such an effort will also demonstrate that the U.S.’s involvement in the Caribbean remains a powerful force for good in the Americas and around the globe.

Oh, my God! So this tool saw the disaster and thought a) "This could help George W. Bush rehabilitate his image!" and b) "This could be a great opportunity to advance noeconservative foreign policy objectives!" Wow, the daily double of being a dick!

I think we have a winner, I'm just not sure who.

Pat Robertson is a Crazy, Lying Scumbag

There is no depth to which Pat Robertson will not sink.




This is so wrong on so many levels.

First, There's the automatic Televangelist response to any natural disaster: figure out some reason why the victims had it coming. Usually, step one is blame the homos, but I guess Haiti isn't really known for being super gay-friendly, so let's make up some ridiculous story about a pact with Satan?

And why a pact with Satan? I guess because a bunch of black African types couldn't possibly have overthrown the French on their own, right? There has to be some sort of supernatural assist. And since it's black people overthrowing whitey, that help must have come from Satan, couldn't be God. Normally, when one group defeats another, people assume, "well, they had God on their side." or "it was God's will that the American colonists overthrew the British" or whatever. But Haitians? Nope, had to be the Devil!

And then there's the blatant lie about the island of Hispanola. The Dominican Republic is prosperous?

Here's what I know about the Dominican republic. Omar Vizquel learned to play shortstop with a piece of cardboard on his hand because he couldn't afford a baseball glove.
CEDIMAT Hospital in the Dominican Republic is able to keep its doors open because of money donated and raised by David Ortiz.
And here is what an American Little League player found upon visiting the Dominican:

What Kalikow encountered shocked him. The 12 and 13-year old boys he found playing baseball were running homemade bases without shoes, swinging tree branches for bats and catching rocks inside milk cartons fitted like gloves. The impoverished suburbs of Punta Cana left many children without shirts to wear, much less sporting equipment with which to play.

(source)

But Robertson knows that none of his idiotic viewers are going to do any fact checking. If he says it, they'll accept it as Gospel truth. Just like when he tells his "deal with the devil" story, he just smiles and says "true story!" knowing that that's all the proof his followers will require.

And the whole time he's spreading this malicious bullshit, there's an ad on screen for "OB Disaster Relief" which is Pat's charitable scam. (O.B. stands for Operation Blessing) Anyone want to wager on how much of the money the suckers pour into OB Disaster Relief will actually make it to Haiti?

To donate to a legitimate relief effort, try OxFam: http://www.oxfam.org.uk

or Food For the Hungry:
http://www.fh.org/learn/news/disaster/haiti-rocked-by-powerful-quake?promocode=WA25WD0A2

Or The American Red Cross:
http://american.redcross.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main&s_subsrc=RCO_ResponseStateSection


And Pat Robertson? Hurry up and die already, would ya?