Leave Britney, I Mean Bushie, Alone!

Neil Cavuto, perhaps the tooliest tool in the FOX news tool chest, thinks we should stop blaming W for the things that he is, um, responsible for.

The Statute of Limitations for Blame

Tuesday, May 11, 2010
By Neil Cavuto

Is it me, or is George Bush the gift that keeps giving? Now he's the reason for this big old Gulf oil spill.

Today, Massachusetts Democratic Congressman Ed Markey saying: "For years, the Bush administration's oil strategy placed the granting of drilling leases ahead of safety review."

Ipso-facto — Bush to blame for the big leak-o.

If you can't refute the accusation, you can always fall back on sophomoric rhyming! I think I learned that in Debate class.

Just like he's apparently behind that big thousand-point swing-o.

Just like he's to blame for the unemployment rate that's higher than when he left office, and the deficits that are much higher than any year he was in office.

All problems, all Bush, all the time — probably until the end of time.

Right, why would he bear any responsibility for policies enacted by his administration? Why should a recession that began on his watch be laid at his feet?

It's the NCAA recruiting violation principle. See, if a coach for State U. breaks the rules, say, offers recruits money, hookers, and booze to come play for State, and the NCAA finds out, there are sanctions to be levied. So the first thing that happens, is the dishonest coach leaves State U. and gets a job at A&M Tech, where there are no sanctions, because A&M Tech's previous coach didn't break the rules. Meanwhile, the new coach at State U. gets saddled with a program that has lost its right to offer scholarships or whatever because his predecessor was a cheater. See, once the old guy leaves, the new guy gets held responsible for whatever shit the old guy pulled. In the world of college sports, this is considered totally fair.

So Cavuto is not being a dishonest, whining little douchebag here. He's just following the NCAA's example. Once Bush left office, he is no longer responsible for things that he did. Whoever occupies the Oval Office at this moment is culpable for every mistake ever made in that office. So I look forward to hearing Barack Obama's excuse for Teapot Dome. And I will never forgive him for the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. How dare he?

I've heard him ripped for everything from making our kids fat, to our allies furious. Everyone still furious at him for destroying us, all the while forgetting how he might have had a tiny role in protecting us.

You know, except for that one day in September, but that's really such a minor blip on the radar. Also, offer not valid in New Orleans.

But those in power now seem to be admitting they were all powerless then — pretty much useless then. Mere marionettes then, whose strings were apparently pulled by a guy they're calling an idiot now.

Yes, those in power now were not in power then. How is this a confusing concept? Just because the Democrats are in the majority at this moment does not negate the fact that they were recently in the minority.

Oh, I'm sorry Neil. "Fact." It's a noun meaning:

1. something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.

2. something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact.

(dictionary.com)

Think about that now, and ask yourself this: When does the statute of limitations run out on blaming someone?

I don't know, when it stops being true? When will it no linger be my fault that I sideswiped another car and took off the sideview mirror? God! That was like five years ago. It's not my fault anymore! Once someone else is in the driver's seat of that car, it's their fault that the mirror is missing!

Conservative Mad Libs!

The Republican objections to any Democratic nominee are starting to feel like a game of MadLibs.

Okay, fill in the name of the nominee, then choose from this list of words & phrases:

Left.

Liberal.

Extreme.

Activist.

Outside the Mainstream.

Radical.

Reverse Racism.

Legislating From The Bench.

Marxist.

Socialist.

Elitist.

Out Of Touch.

Agenda.

And go!

Here's Kathleen Parker writing in the Washington Post (and when did the Washington Post become such a joke? Didn't they publish the Pentagon Papers? Weren't they a good paper even pretty recently?)

Elena Kagan is miles away from mainstream America

Much has been made of Kagan's career path and her professional trailblazing. Despite a lack of any judicial experience, she is the first of her sex in two previously male-dominated domains -- first female dean of Harvard Law School and first female U.S. solicitor general.

No small accomplishments. But though we are what we do, what we do is not all of what we are.

(we are, we do we are to dee too? Is this just mental gymnastics to justify minimizing her accomplishments?)

We are also products of place. Where we grew up and how we experienced the physical environment of our formation are also a part of who we are.

What is Kagan's geography?. . . Coincidentally, she shares the same home town as the other two women on the court. Assuming Kagan is confirmed, all three women will hail from New York. Kagan grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, Sonia Sotomayor is from the Bronx and Ruth Bader Ginsburg is from Brooklyn. If diversity on the court is our goal, we may be missing a region or two.

I think anyone who has spent any time in New York can tell you, they may be the same city, but those are three different worlds. But still, Three New Yorkers? Yeah, it sounds way better to object to that than to object to having three women or one kinda butchy woman, if you know what I mean. . . Yeah, let's go with the New York thing so we sound less like assholes!

These facts ultimately may be more anecdotally interesting than significant in terms of how a justice might perform.

Or, or, um they could be neither!

Then again, spending one's formative years walking past the infamously crime-riddled Murder Hotel en route to school, as Kagan did -- and, say, walking past the First Baptist Church to ballet class -- are not the same cultural marinade. The latter hypothetical is proffered only for the sake of contrast and metaphor. It seems remote to unlikely that a woman whose life has involved Baptist churches and ballet slippers would find herself on a track to today's Supreme Court, though that ought not to be the case.

Oh, I don't like where this is going! Let me just skip ahead a little bit, and. . .

with Kagan, the court will feature three Jews, six Catholics and nary a Protestant.

Oh my God! You're really going to go with the "there are too many Jews and Catholics" argument? I thought we agreed we were just going to trash New Yorkers, and everyone would just know that "New York" is code for "Jews and swarthy immigrants." You can't just come out and say, "hey, we've already got two Jews!" without sounding like a paranoid racist asshole.
And if you're going to claim that there are too many Catholics, you're gonna sound just a tad disingenuous considering the Catholics are:

Scalia (Reagan Nominee)

Kennedy (Reagan)

Thomas (Bush I)

Alito (Bush II)

Roberts (Bush II)
and
Sotomayor (Obama)

So, if you have a problem with all the Catholics, seems like you should have objected a while back. Just saying.

Also, having a problem with too many Catholics? Kinda makes you sound like this guy:

Roman Catholics control the US Supreme Court

The members of the US Supreme Court are papal soldiers.

When the One World Government is introduced to solve an emerging global crisis in the Great Tribulation, a papal controlled US Supreme Court will not object to a US President handing over his executive powers to the Vatican. Even today, both the Vice President and The Speaker on Capitol Hill are Roman Catholics.

Not to be outdone, GOP Chairman Michael Steele put out a statement which reads in part:

". . . what Americans want is a justice who will stay true to the Constitution and defend the rights of all Americans, adhering to the rule of law instead of legislating from the bench. Given Kagan’s opposition to allowing military recruiters access to her law school’s campus, her endorsement of the liberal agenda and her support for statements suggesting that the Constitution 'as originally drafted and conceived, was defective,’ you can expect Senate Republicans to respectfully raise serious and tough questions. . ."

Of course, the statement he refers to was made by none other than Thurgood Freakin Marshall, but yeah, let's pretend it's some radical hippie commie thing.

Mr. Steele, here's a quick rule of thumb, just for future reference. If, during a discussion of Constitutional Law, one finds that one is in agreement with Thurgood Marshall, one can pretty much go ahead and assume that one is right.
Also, the particular defect to which Justice Marshall was referring was the enshrinement of slavery as legal in the original Constitution, so um, you know. Kinda tough to argue that one.

And also, even if you don't bother to find out to what defect Marshall was referring, the mere fact that the Founding Fathers felt the need to amend the Constitution 10 times before it was ratified (Bill of Rights? Maybe you've heard of it?) and that it has been amended several times since, would indicate that Marshall wasn't the only one who saw a few flaws in the document.
But hey, good job working "liberal agenda" and "legislating from the bench" into one short paragraph.

Nice Work!

Happy Birthday, Steven Colbert!

Today is the 46th Birthday of National Treasure Steven Colbert.




If he had done nothing else before or since, his speech at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner would be enough to put him in the political/social satire Hall of Fame.



Is there a satire Hall of Fame? There should be.




Mmmmm. . . . President Colbert. . . . . what a beautiful dream. Don't wake me!

I was so Sick

Oh, man is it great to be feeling better!


I was sooooooooo sick!







I was so sick, Newt Gingrich had me served with divorce papers!

But seriously, I was so sick, John Boener took one look at me and said "I'm a little worried about your color!"





Seriously, I had such a high fever, Sarah Palin started to make sense!

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

If I am ever found in a clocktower with a high-powered rifle. . .

. . .it will be in some small part because this:

Meet SJP's New Shoe Guru

Forget Blahniks and Louboutins. The only shoes for Sarah Jessica
Parker right now are Brian Atwoods, or "BAs" as they’re known to
obsessed fans like Demi Moore, Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz. The
coolest shoes you’ll see Carrie wear in Sex and the City 2 are all the
handiwork of the Milan-based former model who began his shoe career
sketching for Versace.

is considered a "news" story.