An Absolute Disgrace

This is an absolute disgrace. Some teabagger scumbag congressman has invited Ted fucking Nugent to be his guest at the State of the Union. Ted Nugent has made violent threats against Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, Barbara Boxer and others while waving around his machine gun. In a sane society, a piece of shit like Nugent would never be allowed in the same building as the president.

After choosing inflammatory entertainer Ted Nugent as his plus-one for Tuesday's State of the Union address, Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) explained his decision in an interview with CNN, saying he made the choice based on Nugent's merit.
"He's a very articulate spokesman," Stockman told CNN. "I'm excited to have him. I think he gives a balance to what's being said tonight at the White House.

This is, of course, total bullshit. The only reason for inviting Nugent is to extend a giant middle finger in the face of the President, and the Democratic Party in general. No president has ever had to put up with this level of disrespect, and no person of any stature should have to. And it's not just this one nut. No one from the Republican leadership, your Boehners, your McConnels, your Cantors, no one is going to take this guy aside and say "no, you can't invite that seditious owl-casting of a human being to the State of the Union. Try to pretend to be a decent fucking human being." They may not have had the guts to do it themselves, but they're all okay with it.

“I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent joining me in the House Chamber to hear from President Obama,” said Stockman.  “After the Address I’m sure Ted will have plenty to say.”

Patriot? Patriot?  Here's a quick rule of thumb. Someone who wears clothing adorned with the flag of a nation that has declared war on the United States is not a patriot.



A man who shit his pants to avoid service in a war he supported is not a patriot.

And a man who threatens the elected officials of the US is definitely NOT a patriot.



Even if he hadn't made threats against the life of the President, Secretary of State, and a couple of Senators, even if he hadn't offered a "new Concord Bridge." Even if he hadn't had a history of racist remarks. Even if he hadn't wished aloud that the South had won the Civil War, a clown like Nugent, a man who made a living flouncing around in a loincloth singing songs about vaginas does not belong at an event like the State of the Union Address.



Seriously, THIS is the guy next to whom you are proud to sit at such an august event?



You're really proud to associate with this person?

View this image ›

Seventeen-year-old Hawaii native Pele Massa was too young to marry Nugent. So Nugent made an agreement with the girl's parents to become her legal guardian. This was rated #63 on Spin magazine's "100 Sleaziest Moments in Rock" list.

You're going to listen to the President of the Goddamm United States of America with the man who wrote these lyrics?

Wang dang sweet poontang
Wang dang sweet poontang
That Nadine, what a teenage queen
She lookin' so clean
Especially down in between
What I like

She's so sweet when she yanks on my meat
But down on the street,
you know she can't be beat
What the hell
Wang dang sweet poontang
Wang dang sweet poontang

This is what the modern Republican Party has devolved into. Some asshole invites this piece of shit to the Capitol and no one in the party will call him on it. What's maybe even more pathetic is that Ted will be offering his "thoughts" after the speech and I'll bet you any money that reporters will show up, not just from FOX, but even from once-legitimate news sources.

Can you imagine this ever happening with any other president? Would any member of Congress have had the balls to invite someone to the State of the Union who had threatened the life of George Bush or Ronald Reagan or even Bill Clinton? The level of outright contempt these people have for a sitting president is an absolute disgrace.

Coming Soon to a Senate Near You

Here are some of the fine candidates who may be running for Senate seats in 2014 because there are no standards, apparently.

Michele Bachmann.
Yes, that Michele Bachmann.



According to Real Clear Politics, "Bachmann is again being mentioned as a candidate for higher office -- this time as a potential challenger to first-term Democratic Sen. Al Franken in 2014."

Oh please, God, let this happen! I would love a front row seat to watch Franken eviscerate this looney moron in a debate.

It should go a bit like this:




Paul Broun

Congressman Paul Broun is probably best known for his statement that everything he learned about science was "lies from the pit of Hell." And he means that quite literally. He doesn't mean like "damnable lies." He isn't using "from Hell" as a figure of speech as in "Ugh, I had the date from Hell last night!" No he means that the Devil is sitting down in actual literal Hell thinking up science stuff to try and lead good folks like Paul Broun astray. So of course, he's on the House science committee, because apparently the GOP believes that the Science Committee should approach science the way the American Cancer Society approaches cancer.





He's also the one who suggested that instead of raising the debt ceiling, we should lower it. And he had this to say about the potential passage of "Obamacare":

"If ObamaCare passes, that free insurance card that's in people's pockets is gonna be as worthless as a Confederate dollar after the War Between The States -- the Great War of Yankee Aggression."

Oh, and he also said this:

"It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force," Rep. Paul Broun said of Obama in an interview Monday with The Associated Press. "I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may — may not, I hope not — but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism."

"That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did," Broun said. "When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist."

And this:

He also spoke of a "socialistic elite" - Obama, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid - who might use a pandemic disease or natural disaster as an excuse to declare martial law.

"They're trying to develop an environment where they can take over," he said. "We've seen that historically."

In New Jersey, you may very well be seeing this man running for the Senate:

 

It worked for Scott Brown!

 

 

 Geraldo Rivera

There's really nothing to say about this buffoon that hasn't already been said. Just let this phrase roll around your head for a moment:
Senator Geraldo Rivera.



In Massachusetts,  there has been speculation that "Dr" Keith Ablow may throw his pointy tinfoil hat into the ring.

  

Well, that kid is fucked!

 

Yes, Glenn Beck's favorite shrink, "Dr" Keith Ablow, the man who psychoanalyses people he's never met, from alleged child murderesses to the President of the United States.  

 

And what insight! Why just listen to his analysis of why the President is interested in passing laws that might prevent some children from being gunned down in school:

 

Ablow added that “the autonomy of others did [Obama] no favors as a kid, when he was abandoned again and again by people who were — quote, unquote — ‘responsible’ and supposed to do the right thing like parents. So his belief is: ‘You know what? What good is individual autonomy in decision making? What good did it do me? The collective is what needs to be empowered, and all the better if I am the center of that collective and the most powerful person in it.’” “His solution runs psychologically in the direction of disempowering the individual every single time,”

 

 

It couldn't possibly be that the Prez, like most Americans, is sick of seeing groups of children murdered by psychopaths. No, it must be his deep-seated desire to disempower individuals because his father abandoned him. Occam's Razor!

 

Oh, and he also provided some insight into known sociopath Newt Gingrich:

 

 here’s what one interested in making America stronger can reasonably conclude—psychologically—from Mr. Gingrich’s behavior during his three marriages:

 

Um, he's a narcissistic, self-centered dishonest bum?

 

1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.
2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.
3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible. 

(Clearly, she's the asshole here.) 
Oh, right, he's a charming, charismatic, narcissistic, self-centered dishonest bum!

Conclusion: When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.

So, Mickey Rooney for president?

 

Too dated? Maybe Larry King?


And after his conclusion, he continues on to point #4, because that's a totally normal thing to do!

4) Two women—Mr. Gingrich’s first two wives—have sat down with him while he delivered to them incredibly painful truths: that he no longer loved them as he did before, that he had fallen in love with other women and that he needed to follow his heart, despite the great price he would pay financially and the risk he would be taking with his reputation.

Wow, what a sacrifice! Paying alimony AND having people find out what an asshole he is! So noble! Obviously, the guy who's been fucking around behind his wife's back and is now dumping her to move on to the next temp-wife is really the one who suffers!

Conclusion: I can only hope Mr. Gingrich will be as direct and unsparing with the Congress, the American people and our allies. If this nation must now move with conviction in the direction of its heart, Newt Gingrich is obviously no stranger to that journey.


Yes, hopefully he'll break the news gently to Congress that he's been seeing other legislative bodies! What a fucking douche.




The good news is that none of these assclowns has a snowball's chance of actually being elected. Hopefully they'll stick around just long enough to provide us with a few good laughs and to remind the electorate what a collection of fools and clowns the modern Republican party has become.



Quick quiz for gun-buyers

Question #1:

What type of gun are you interested in purchasing?
A) a hunting rifle
B) a pistol
C) a military-grade assault weapon.

If you answered C, you are too crazy to own a gun.

Question # 2:

From what are you hoping to protect yourself?
A) Criminals
B) Bears
C) The United States Government

If you answered C, you are too crazy to own a gun.

Question #3:

Is there any structure on your property which could be described as a "bunker?"

If you answered "yes," you are too crazy to own a gun.

Question #4:

Into which of the following places do you plan on carrying your gun?
A) Your workplace
B) Bars and/or restaurants
C) Church

If you answered anything other than "none of the above," you are too crazy to own a gun.

The Boston Herald Has a Thing for the Romneys

 With Scott Brown deciding not to embarrass himself in another Senate race, Massachusetts Republicans are scrambling to find another candidate. Fortunately, the Boston Herald has an idea.
 

With Brown out, GOP mulls Romney energy

Romney energy? Romney energy? This may be the first time those two words have ever been used in the same sentence.

   

 

Woah, dial it down a notch, there!

 

 

Massachusetts Republicans are desperately scrambling to find a strong Senate candidate to replace Scott Brown, with some even trying to persuade Mitt Romney’s wife or son to jump into the race to avert another electoral disaster.

 

Because as we all know, Massachusetts voters just looooove the Romneys 

 



“I’ve had several people call me and ask about Ann Romney,” Ron Kaufman, a longtime friend and aide to the former Massachusetts governor and 2012 presidential candidate nominee, told the Herald.

 

 

Ann Romney? This Ann Romney?



 

 



 

The Ann Romney who says things like this?

 

 

 

Doesn't pretty much everyone hate her?

 

Ann Romney’s inspiring battle against multiple sclerosis and her star turn on the GOP convention stage turned her into a popular national figure, especially among women voters in Massachusetts.

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not true. I'm pretty sure women in Massachusetts aren't any different from women in any other state and they probably don't really like  haughty, imperious horse dancers looking down their noses at them any more than anyone else. Ann Romney is Lucille Bluth without the wit. She's the Dowager Countess without the charm.

 

 

 

But, sadly for late-night comedians and smart-alecky bloggers, Lady Ann of Romnington has not deigned to run for Senate.  But the Boston Herald has another great idea!

 

  Tagg, you’re it for GOP Senate hopes 

 

Seriously! Now they want Tagg! Tagg, the man with two expressions:

 

  

 

Christian Bale in American Psycho

 

and

 

 

 

student who has just been asked the square root of Pi.

 

Calls for Romney, 42, to join in the short campaign to replace Secretary of State John F. Kerry have increased since the Herald first reported heavyweight Republicans are urging both Romney and his mother, Ann, to get in. The eldest son of former governor and presidential candidate Mitt Romney already has statewide name recognition

 

Oh, well, statewide name recognition. You know who else has a lot of statewide name recognition?

Albert deSalvo.

 

 

 

I think name recognition might actually be a liability in this case. People hear the name Tagg Romney and they go "oh, isn't that the completely unqualified twit who said he wanted to punch the President?" If they didn't recognize the name, they might at least be inclined to hear him out.

 

 

 The father of six was a regular on the campaign trail in both of his father’s failed races for president in 2008 and 2012, which would give him some political know-how while working to win over Bay State voters. But the younger Romney is weighing joining the fray against remaining with his successful venture capital firm, Solamere.

 

Because people love venture capitalists!

I have to assume that the Boston Herald is one of Rupert Murdoch's rags. Let me do a quick image search. . .

 

 

 

 Yep, that's a Murdoch rag!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Superbowl Ads

Seems like usually it's the beer companies with the most offensive ads. This year, it was the car companies.


Starting with the VW commercial where whoever gets in the car begins speaking Jamaican patois for some reason. I guess because Jamaicans are perpetually happy people? Smoke a lot of weed? I don't know. I know a couple of guys from Jamaica and they seem to have the full range of normal human emotions, so I really don't get it.









Of course, that's nothing compared to the Audi ad which suggests that the best way to feel better about your loser self is to commit a sexual assault.






Audi will give you the confidence to just take what you want, whether it's parking in the principal's spot, or walking up to a pretty girl uninvited and sticking your tongue down her throat!
Now you're a real man!
No wonder no one wanted to go to prom with this prick!

Jeep's ad may have been even worse, shamelessly exploiting people's emotions over returning soldiers to sell a few shitty vehicles.






And shame on Oprah for being involved with this cynical bullshit.


Speaking of shameless emotional manipulation, Budweiser totally nailed it with this year's Clydesdale ad. I haven't gotten this misty at a piece of video since the end of Shane.
(Yeah, I teared up a little at the end of Shane, so what? Fuck you. I'm still bad-ass.)






Credit where credit is due, Toyota's ad was great. Not only really funny, but good on them for having a bad-ass princess.