Michele Bachmann is even weirder than I thought

And I thought she was pretty fucking weird.

(via Salon)

Michele Bachmann: Obama supports al-Qaida and “end times” are near

"We are to understand where we are in God’s end times history"

Oh, dear lord. . .


According to a new report from Right Wing Watch, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann claimed in a radio interview with Jan Markell on Saturday that President Obama is supporting al-Qaida and that this was proof “end times” were near.


Sighhhhhhh. . .  okay, fine. Go ahead, how is Obama "supporting al-Quaid" today?

Referring to the president’s earlier decision to provide small arms and anti-chemical weapons gear to a number of vetted Syrian rebels, Bachmann said:

This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists,

Oh, Jeezus Christ! Seriously?

Of course, by Bachamnn standards, this really isn't even all that weird. but wait for it. . .

. . .as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.

I'm not sure any of that was a sentence, but that's not really the point. The leaf is on the fig tree? Isn't the leaf usually on the fig tree? Aren't there generally many leaves on a fig tree? A leaf being on a tree is some sign of the impending apocalypse?

So, I guess we should all be very very afraid that the world is going to end soon? I mean that leaf is on the tree and what have you, that seems like a pretty negative prognosis, right?

“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann said. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”

Marantha? What the fuck is Marantha?

well, according to Wikipedia:

Maranatha (either מרנא תא: maranâ thâ' or מרן אתא: maran 'athâ' ) is a two-word Aramaic formula occurring only once in the New Testament (see Aramaic of Jesus) and also in the Didache, which is part of the Apostolic Fathers' collection. It is transliterated into Greek letters rather than translated and, given the nature of early manuscripts, the lexical difficulty lies in determining just which two Aramaic words comprise the single Greek expression, found at the end of Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians (1 Cor 16:22).
If one chooses to split the two words as מרנא תא (maranâ thâ), a vocative concept with an imperative verb, then it can be translated as a command to the Lord to come. On the other hand, if one decides that the two words מרן אתא (maran 'athâ), a possessive "Our Lord" and a perfect/preterite verb "has come," are actually more warranted, then it would be seen as a credal expression. This interpretation, "Our Lord has come," is supported by what appears to be an equivalent of this in the early credal acclamation found in the biblical books of Romans 10:9 and 1 Corinthians 12:3, "Jesus is Lord."


Oh. Couldn't you have just said that?

But more importantly, holy shit! She actually WANTS the world to end! She thinks we should rejoice because the world is supposedly ending. She's like a member of some weirdo death cult. No wonder her eyes look like that!

Wingnut Truckers will save America from . . . Something.

Truckers, America's foremost consumers of prescription amphetamines, are going to converge on Washington, DC to arrest the government!

No, really!

"Truckers for the Constitution" are planning on gathering ONE MILLION TRUCKERS together on DC area freeway to obstruct traffic until all the members of government come out with their hands up or something. Now, if you've ever dealt with truckers, you know how difficult it is to get ONE of them to arrive at the correct place at the agreed-upon time, so a million of them at the same time? I don't really see it happening.  In fact, the most common conversation I have with truck drivers goes a little something like this:

Hmm, I don't see you on the schedule. What time was your appointment?

Guh. . . appointment?

But according to their nutty leader, they're damn serious about doing this thing.

'Truckers for the Constitution' Plan to Slow D.C. Beltway, Arrest Congressmen

Police must detain 'accessories' to 'treason' or truckers will, organizer says

(via US News)

Earl Conlon, a Georgia trucker who is handling logistics for the protest, told U.S. News tractor-trailer drivers will circle the beltway "three lanes deep" as he rides with other participants to Congress to seek the arrest of congressmen for allegedly disregarding the Constitution.

 

Artist's rendition, Earl Conlon in his truck-boat-truck

 

The Million Trucker March or whatever actually started out with much more modest goals:

 

 

I'm not sure what "fuel policy" they meant to protest, probably Obama's refusal to drill here, drill now, drill, baby, drill so that oil companies could do what they would really have preferred to be doing all along, selling consumers gasoline at bargain-basement prices, because they hate making all these profits all the time, but at any rate, the million truckers quickly began to experience mission creep. Soon, the stated goal of the truckopalypse was:

 

 to support the truckers in a major shut down of America ion [sic] a 3 day strike October 11th thru 13th. Obamacare will be in effect and most people will be ready to take action.  The American people are sick and tired of the corruption that is destroying America! We therefore declare a GENERAL STRIKE on the weekend of October 11-13, 2013! Truck drivers will not haul freight! Workers will call in sick! Consumers will not buy or sell anything on this date! Stay home! Buy nothing!
Read more at http://wonkette.com/529362/wingnut-truckers-will-shut-down-america-in-order-to-save-it-from-corruption-obamas-fuel-policy#AZ58oz907WyWJHcy.99"

 

 

Eventually, the insanity spiraled out of control and now they're a-comin' to arrest the whole damn government!

 

"We are not going to ask for impeachment," Conlon said. "We are coming whether they like it or not. We're not asking for impeachment, we're asking for the arrest of everyone in government who has violated their oath of office."

 

An when you're that big a wingnut, you believe that EVERYONE has violated their oath of office! But, perfessor, I'm sure you're asking, do these nutbag tweakers have any authority to arrest members of Congress or the Preident himself? Glad you asked, because of course they do!

 

Conlon cited the idea of a citizens grand jury – meaning a pool of jurors convened without court approval – as the mechanism for indicting the officials.

 

Ah, a "citizen's grand jury," which is not a thing, has issued a fake indictment? Well that's all the authority I need!

 

"We want these people arrested, and we're coming in with the grand jury to do it," he said. "We are going to ask the law enforcement to uphold their constitutional oath and make these arrests.

 

Um, I'm not sure that cops actually take a Constitutional oath, but whatever oath they do take most likely does not include a vow to arrest any Congressman that pisses of a few wingnuts, but hey, I could be wrong. (I'm not)

 

 

 If they refuse to do it, by the power of the people of the United States and the people's grand jury, they don't want to do it, we will. ... We the people will find a way."

 

No, you won't.

 

Of course, Conlon isn't unrealistic. He knows that he won't be able to arrest the entire US government. 

“If all I get is one or two congressmen walked out of there in handcuffs, that will be a shot across the bow that will ripple across all branches of government,” Earl Conlon, one of the organizers, told U.S. News and World Report.

 

See? Just one or two. Just one or two Congressmen led out in handcuffs by the "people's grand jury" or whatever. It's important to set achievable goals!

 

“If all I get is one or two congressmen walked out of there in handcuffs, that will be a shot across the bow that will ripple across all branches of government. … I hope they are all civil enough and brave enough to step out onto the congressional steps.”

Well, why wouldn't they be? I mean, fair is fair, they've been indicted by a made-up thing with no authority on vague, baseless charges, so why wouldn't they just surrender to a bunch of bug-eyed-poo-throwing-crazy truck drivers to be tried in some sort of fictional court that doesn't exist?

 

 

Oh, and Earl Conlon has a webpage!

 

 

Pictured: Conlon's webmaster

 



On that webpage, Conlon says totally not crazy things like this:

 

Permalink Reply by Earl Conlon on Sunday

i've always believed Obama to be the Anti Christ from the day i first laid eyes one him.. not to mention the dreams i have had for the past 15 years showing me a man in office who i've never heard of before. then comes  2008 and the dreams get more detailed and intense... you figure it out..
maybe i am crazy?

 

Noooooo, you? crazy? I mean, you had dreams about, um. . . a man. . . holding an office? And then. . . there really was a man. . .  in office? Obviously that's gotta be the Anti-Christ!

Holy shit, this guy should NOT be allowed behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, he's deranged!

Permalink Reply by Earl Conlon on Sunday

even if the movement is a flop it still Has already lit the flame of FREEDOM & LIBERTY..! WE WIN!!

• ▶ Reply

Um, the "movement" hasn't even happened yet.

 

Earl Conlon replied to National Director, Dee's discussion Truckers Ride Oct 11, 12, 13 on DC: Updated information on Locations to Meet

"THINK OF IT LIKE THIS:  if Obastard declares Marshal Law. we will then Know WHO and where they are.. and then we will have a clear knowledge of who supports them and WHO TO SHOOT.. "

 

Because it wouldn't be a right-wing gathering without the threat of gun violence against their perceived enemies. It's called sedition out here in the real world, but in Wingnuttistan, it's called Wednesday.

 

 





Louie Gohmert is a Fucking Liar

Louie Gohmert blasts Claire McCaskill ‘ignorance’

By LUCY MCCALMONT | 10/3/13 12:51 PM EDT

“My heart breaks for somebody with the ignorance of Claire McCaskill. Having served in the Army active duty ’78 to ’82, having been spit at in uniform, having been ordered not to wear my uniform off post because of the threats to people in uniform, I understand. I’ve stood with families when there was no camera anywhere in sight, anywhere with just a handful of people,” Gohmert (R-Texas) said on Fox News’s “America’s Newsroom.”

Okay, let's just take a look at a couple of things Gohmert said there.

First:  "having been spit at in uniform"

That never happened. He's lying. That whole "soldiers getting spit at" thing is an urban legend. If it had happened, it certainly wouldn't have happened between 1978 and 1982. Vietnam was already over when Gohmert served. Do you know what would have happened if some hippy had spit on a soldier? A hippy getting his ass kicked by that soldier and every other soldier within shouting distance. Hippies may have been high a lot, but they weren't stupid.

Second: "having been ordered not to wear my uniform off base because of the threats to people in uniform"

That is also a lie. No Army officer is ever going to order his troops to act the coward. And pretending to be a civilian because of some sort of vague threats against "people in uniform" is the act of a coward. I can't imagine any Army office would allow that, much less order it.

 

 

He'd kick your ass for even considering it!

 

 

Of course, even if either of those things were true. what the hell do either of them have to do with Gohmert having "stood with families when there was no camera anywhere in sight, anywhere with just a handful of people?”
Who knows? Louie Gohmert is not only a fucking liar, he's a goddamm imbecile.

Irony is not only merely dead, it's really most sincerely dead.

Popes John XXIII and John Paul II to be declared saints in April

From Ben Wedeman, CNN

Okay, I don't know anything about John XXIII, but I remember John Paul II.



And, not being Catholic, I'm not sure what the criteria for sainthood are, but I'm pretty sure that turning a blind eye while children are being raped and molested by men in your employ ain't one of them.

John Paul II was pope for a lot of years, and a lot of those years corresponded to the sexual abuse scandal and what did he ever do to stop it? Not only did he not lift a finger, not fire a single priest, let alone have anyone arrested, but he allowed these sexual predators to be transferred from parish to parish without anyone even being warned that "hey, we're sending you a new priest, don't leave him alone with your kids."

He was the absolute ruler of the entire organization and he did nothing. I'm not sure about this, but it seems to me he could have summoned all the priests to the Vatican and then had all the molesters arrested and jailed there because I think he's the king or whatever of that tiny nation, but he could at least have fired a few of these child rapists.

But sure, let's make him a saint. Why the hell not?

Irony is Dead, cont.

Exhibit A: Darrel Issa

 

Try to resist the urge to punch your computer monitor right in its ugly stupid face.

 



Issa, in his Quixotic quest to turn up a scandal as damning as an oval-office blowjob so that he can finally have an excuse to impeach this guy who dares call himself "President" even though he is clearly black is suing Ereic Holder over some sort of documents that he is convinced will prove that Obama personally sold guns to Mexican drug cartels so that they could use those guns to murder Federal agents because, duh, he hates America! Never mind how many times and in how many ways this "scandal" has been debunked, if only he can get his hands on these magic documents, they will surely prove that POTUS is running guns out of the West Wing, probably to finance the Muslim museum for which he is paying out of pocket.

Aaaaaanyway, this lawsuit has been put on hold due to the government having been shut down, a situation for which Issa's party is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RESPONSIBLE. But Issa just doesn't understand why this suit can't go forward.

A federal judge was less than amused when Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) requested that a lawsuit he filed two years ago be allowed to move forward in spite of the fact that federal courts have been immobilized by the Republican shutdown of the U.S. government. According to Think Progress, Judge Amy Berman Jackson refused to consider violating the shutdown to handle the case, saying that it’s ridiculous for Issa to make the request, considering his caucus’ role in ordering the government to close.

The irony of which is, of course, completely lost on Issa. Sort of like how the irony of a former car-thief turned car-alarm marketer being a member of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee is lost on him.


But Issa insists that his suit should be allowed to go forward due to its being super-important and stuff, claiming that a

“Contingency Plan provides that Department employees may continue to work on matters necessary to the discharge of the President’s constitutional duties and powers,” and therefore his actions against President Barack Obama and the Justice Department should not be affected by the federal work stoppage.  (via Raw Story)

Yes, it is vital to the president's ability to discharge his Constitutional duties that he be allowed to be bothered with frivolous lawsuits from idiots who seek to destroy him. That's just absolutely vital.

 

So, let's see if I've got this straight. You shut down the government in order to try and politically damage Obama. Then you insist that part of the government be opened, opened to just you, so that you can try to politically damage Obama. Do I have that straight?