The federalist is a never-ending supply of weirdos.

Is there a bigger collection of weirdos than the Federalist?

Spoiler alert: There is not.

Check this out:

Why Even Non-Christians Lose From Growing Ignorance About The Bible

This is a loss not only of the Bible or Christian faith but a severing of his connection to all the other aspects of a culture that ought to have been ours.

By Colin Chan Redemer

DECEMBER 26, 2018

Okay, I normally like to begin at the beginning of these things, but I want to jump ahead to a section that is, in my opinion emblematic of the kind of work they do over at the Federalist:

Where in the past we could hope that the general population would pick up a good bit of biblical teaching from a book, film, or at least a department store, we now live in a world where that’s all in the past. Google willgladly doodle out about Hannah Glasse’s 310th birthday or the 30th anniversary of Pi day but, come Christmas time, it will merely say “Holidays 2018.” Come Easter, and it will celebrate nothing at all.

Now you might think that surely this guy has studied the Google Doodle archives before making such a claim, but you would be wrong. And why were you even thinking that? Did you think that little quote was going to turn out to be true? Then there'd be no blog post!  How would I get to be all sarcastic and snotty about a true statement? Come on, people. Think!

Anyway, I Googled Google Doodles and it took me about ten seconds to come up with these:
.

Google Doodle has churned out another festive design for Christmas with a decorated Google logo including Christmas ornaments. Check out important facts about the festival and the other doodles of he season.

Now you could certainly complain that Google's holiday doodles are all secular in nature, but that's not what he claims. He says " come Christmas time, it will merely say “Holidays 2018.” Come Easter, and it will celebrate nothing at all."


This, of course, illustrates the first law of conservatives: No conservative will ever argue anything honestly.

Okay. So now let's go back to the beginning.

One short conversation from graduate school stands out above all the others. It was during a cigarette break. (This was back when Californians could still have a cigarette break, having not yet been legally turned into the less-social smartphone break.)

And there it is again. You can still smoke cigarettes in California. You can't smoke in an office or a classroom or other enclosed area where other people have to breathe the air into which you are blowing smoke, but smoking has not been made illegal in the state of California.

The class had been discussing a modern novel and I had perked up with a comment about how the author had put an unattributed quote from the Psalms in a character’s mouth. It wasn’t the first time I had offered this sort of insight in class, but I tended to keep these observations casual so as not to draw too much attention.

During the break, my oh-so-hip San Francisco-dwelling classmate turned to me and asked, “How did you know that about the Psalms?” I explained that I was a Christian and sheepishly confessed that I read the Bible pretty regularly. He looked at me with longing and confessed in turn, “I wish I knew the Bible.”

Mm hmm. Yes, I'm sure that is exactly the conversation that occurred. This San Francisco hipster who had managed to graduate college and was working on a post-graduate degree had always wanted to know more about the Bible but had never been able to conceive of a way to learn about it. He never figured out that he could walk into any bookstore, purchase a copy of the Bible and, you know, read it. Oh how he envied you and your knowledge of how to avail oneself of book learning!

I didn’t know how to respond. I had spent most of my young life avoiding letting people know just how well I knew the Bible. In thousands of veiled and unveiled ways, it had been clear to me that having spent evenings and weekends reading, studying, and memorizing the Bible made me odd. 

Not exactly. Being odd made you spend your nights and weekends memorizing the Bible.

The lack of biblical literacy has been catalogued by various polling firms and lamentedfrom countless pulpits (or at least at pastor support groups), but no one is cataloguing the emptiness of a culture without a sacred rock at its foundation. It isn’t catalogued because it isn’t quantifiable.

It isn't cataloged because it doesn't exist.

I’m not talking here about the value of religious belief, although I’d be interested in discussing that on wholly other grounds. I’m talking solely about about education and culture. My graduate school friend desired a particular educational experience of being formed as a child by a tradition that included the biblical authors, plus Dante, Shakespeare, Milton, Fielding, Dostoevsky, Melville, Faulkner, and so many more. My friend was sad that he, being now older and done with his education, couldn’t go back and be formed the way these and countless other authors and artists were formed.

Oh, God! Are we doing this again? Is it 1992 again? Are we seriously going to trot out the old "Boo hoo, kids aren't reading enough dead white men anymore" bullshit?

Good heavens, the Canon! Why, if children aren't required to read every bit of the sacred Canon, society will disintegrate! What if they read James Baldwin or Alice Walker or Isabelle Allende? Think of the consequences for society!

This formation is a tradition that he, not possessing, cannot pass on. This is a loss not only of the Bible or Christian faith but a severing of his connection to all the other aspects of a culture that ought to have been his. Studying the liberal arts without any knowledge of the Bible is to dine without salt. 

So. . .  it's good for your blood pressure?

Yeah, that checks out.




Then he goes through the part where the Google doodles aren't doing enough to educate the young about the cultural and social implications of the Hebrew scriptures. Then on to his next silly point.

Thankfully, however, with just a little bit of intentionality, most people can enter into this tradition of learning. My kids, for example, really get a kick out of the “What’s in the Bible” DVDs, which are instructive and entertaining, even for adults. But the real McCoy is to dig into the Good Book itself.
For that I recommend finding a local organization that runs Bible-reading groups like Bible Study Fellowship or Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. These groups tend to have plenty of non-Christians in attendance

No they don't. No they fucking don't. What non-Christians are attending Bible-reading groups? It's like saying there are a lot of heterosexual men in attendance most nights at the Nob Hill Male Theater.





These groups tend to have plenty of non-Christians in attendance and are often led by enthusiasts who make for better teachers than your average theology professor. The Good Book is also a pretty good book.

Oh, yes. It's riveting!

5 The sons of Japheth were Gomer, Magog, Madai, and Javan, Tubal, Meshech, and Tiras.

6 Forsooth the sons of Gomer were Ashchenaz, and Riphath, and Togarmah.

7 And the sons of Javan were Elishah, and Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim.

8 The sons of Ham were Cush, and Mizraim, Put, and Canaan.

9 And the sons of Cush were Seba, and Havilah, Sabta, and Raamah, and Sabtecha. And the sons of Raamah were Sheba, and Dedan.

10 And Cush begat Nimrod; this Nimrod began to be mighty in [the] earth.

11 And Mizraim begat Ludim, and Anamim, and Lehabim, and Naphtuhim,

Can't wait for the movie!

For me, the paradigm has shifted. I’m glad for all the sword drills I did as a youth and for all the Scripture I was forced to memorize.

Wait.

SWORD DRILLS?





What are SWORD DRILLS? Please tell me they are what they sound like!

sword drill n. [*sword ‘metaphor for the Bible’ + drill ‘an exercise, practice’] A competitive game for children in which the first person to locate and correctly recite a given verse in the Bible wins.

The format of the sword drill varies widely. Generally, the person leading the drill begins by saying, “Attention” and the players hold their Bible down at their side or tucked under one arm—as if the Bible is “sheathed.” Then the leader says, “Draw swords” or “Present arms” and the players hold their Bibles up in the air or straight out in front of them, as if the Bible were an unsheathed sword. Then the leader calls out a book, chapter, and verse of the Bible, and the players immediately search in their Bibles to find it. The first player to find the verse and read it aloud correctly wins.

Ugh. I should have known.

I am glad not only because I’m a Christian and because in Jesus’ death and resurrection I live, move, and have my being. I am also glad because as I continue to study and teach literature, art, philosophy, music, and history, I do not have to do so as a stranger in a strange land. Rather, I am an insider to a conversation that’s been taking place for thousands of years.

Yes.
Imagine if you will, someone who has never studied Christian theology, who has never memorized large chunks of the Scriptures. Someone who has never done a sword drill. Imagine that person trying to understand a work of art like this



Why, that poor fellow would be baffled!
"Who is that unfortunate man suspended from the wooden T?" he might ask. "And why are none of those people helping him? And why do some of the people have wings?" Oh, he'd just be lost. There is no way to appreciate the work of El Greco without a firm understanding of the New Testament!

I look at my college students now and think about that cigarette break. If you want your kids to thrive in graduate school, send them to Bible study.

And there you have it. The worst possible reason to send your kids to Bible study. Because this nitwit seems really to think that a grounding in Jueo-Christian mythology is essential for success in graduate school!

How many ways can Sarah Palin be Wrong in One Speech?

Every time I write anything about Sarah Palin I promise myself it will be the last time, that I'm just going to ignore her until she fades away into the dustbin of history, but I saw this excerpt a few days ago and it just stuck in my head like a bad song.

 Speaking about Thomas Jefferson, Palin said:

“He would recognize those who would want to try to ignore that Jesus is the reason for the season, those who would want to try to abort Christ from Christmas,” she said. “He would recognize that, for the most part, these are angry atheists armed with an attorney. They are not the majority of Americans.”…

“Why is it they get to claim some offense taken when they see a plastic Jewish family on somebody’s lawn – a nativity scene, that’s basically what it is right?” she said. “Oh, they take such offense, though. They say that it physically even can hurt them and mentally it distresses them so they sue, right?”

Wow! So many kinds of wrongness!  First of all. Why do people get to claim offense? Because of the First Amendment, genius! You know, in that Constitution you pretend to revere so.

Okay, that's not exactly wrong, just stunningly ignorant.  But your next line? Nobody has ever claimed to be offended by a nativity scene on someone's lawn. EVER. People are often offended by nativity scenes on GOVERNMENT property, because the government is not supposed to promote any religion. Not sure if you're lying or actually that stupid, but either way, WRONG!

 And when people do claim offense, they absolutely do not claim that a Nativity scene physically hurts them. Even you aren't stupid enough to not know that that's wrong.

Also wrong? The "plastic Jewish Family" line. Not that it's factually wrong, it's just wrong that you think you're being clever and you just are not. You really thought "I'll subtly imply that there's some anti-Semitic basis to people's objections to Nativity Scenes. . .Zing! Nailed 'em! Oh, Sarah, you've done it again, you rhetorical genius!" It's not clever. It's no more clever than you're "aborting Christ" line. You think if you imply that there's something violent about secularism, you're going to. . .what, exactly? What point do you think you're even making?

“But heaven forbid we claim any type of offense when we say, ‘Wait, you’re stripping Jesus from the reason, as the reason for the season,’ but heaven forbid we claim any type of offense,” Palin said. “So that double standard, I think Thomas Jefferson would certainly recognize it and stand up and he wouldn’t let anybody tell him to sit down and shut up.”

Thomas Jefferson?

This Thomas Jefferson?



The man who took a scalpel and excised any mention of the supernatural from his Bible?  You think that guy would be on your side in the imaginary Christmas Wars? Really? The man who said this:

 If you think that Thomas Jefferson would be upset about the secularization of Christmas, you are

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, you're stupid and a bad person.

Chuck Norris Dildo Update

Every now and then, I like to check in with Chuck Norris and see if he's still a dildo.

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Obama's 7 'Creator' omissions, Part 2 


Well, he's still writing for WorldNetDaily, that's a pretty strong indication of dildosity. But let's see what he's on about now.

Last week, I detailed seven occasions in the past few months at which President Obama omitted the words "by their Creator" from direct quotes of the Declaration of Independence

Chuck has a lot of free time, apparently.

I finished the article asking readers, "To you, is omitting 'endowed by their Creator' from direct quotes of the Declaration in several speeches a permissible benign act of the president of the United States?" 

Only if you're sane!

 Those words might seem justifiable to some, but it alarms me when omissions are exclusively divine and so easily exit and are excused by the U.S. supreme leader.                                    

Yes but on the other hand turnip matchbook cul de sac. Oh, we're not just tossing together random words?

Even at Independence Hall in Philadelphia, where both the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution were debated and drafted, divine omissions seem to be en vogue.

Recently, my pastor and the chaplain of my organizations, Todd DuBord, was on a tour of Independence Hall. . . When the National Park Service guide leading their group blurted out five unbelievable lies and distortions about our founders' religious beliefs and history, with school-aged children present as well in the room. 

 You know, I doubt very much that tour guides at Independence Hall just go around blurting out controversial statements about religion, but what the hell, I'll play along. What were these lies of which you speak?

"We have no record that George Washington ever attended church." 

Okay. I'll give you that one. If the tour guide did say that, then that is, maybe not a lie, but untrue. Washington was certainly not a devout man, but  he was known to occasionally attend services.
According to VirginiaPlaces.org,

Washington gives us little in his writings to indicate his personal religious beliefs. As noted by Franklin Steiner in "The Religious Beliefs Of Our Presidents" (1936), Washington commented on sermons only twice. In his writings, he never referred to "Jesus Christ." He attended church rarely, and did not take communion - though Martha did, requiring the family carriage to return back to the church to get her later. 

So, that's one point for Norris. Next "lie?"

While the NPS guide physically hunched over, mimicked and mocked one carrying and swinging an oversized Bible in his hand, he said to the crowd: "Even if I said the founders were Christians, how could we really know? Just because people carry a big ol' Bible in their hand, they can still be atheists!" 

Again I very much doubt that an official National Parks Service tour guide was openly mocking Christians, but let's say he was. Is there anything he said here that isn't true? Do you really think that in the 18th Century, an atheist might not have felt compelled to pretend to be a religious person? If all of one's neighbors were say, Anglicans, might not a non-believer decide that to make his life easier he would present himself as a Christian?  So, I'm sorry, Chuck, but I can't give you the point on that one. Next?

"Most of these men owned slaves. How could good Christians do that?" 

I think most of them did. Certainly Washington did. So did Jefferson. And slavery doesn't really seem to mesh well with a religion founded on things like "love your neighbor as yourself," and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Sorry, Chuck. No point.

"We know that Benjamin Franklin was a deist." 

Hmm, you think that's a lie? Because I can thinbk of at least one guy who would disagree with you. Oh, gosh, what was his name. . .oh, right! Ben Franklin!

. . . the Arguments of the Deists which were quoted to be refuted, appeared to me much Stronger than the Refutations. In short I soon became a thorough Deist.(from Franklin's Autobiography)

You're not doing to well here Chuckles. What else you got?

"We don't really know for sure about their religion. It's open for interpretation. You'll have to do your own study on that." 

That's it? That's your whole list of Lies and Distortions?" You've got one thing in there, one thing that isn't true. And it's really more of an exaggeration than a lie. But that's enough to get you in a lather of righteous outrage?

Historical Revisionists

"Lady Theocracy"


Apparently, once one wing-nut website gets your e-mail address, they all get it. Now I'm receiving messages from something called "One News Now.com." The latest is entitled "A Christian Nation?" by someone named David Limbaugh, whom i can only assume is the ignoramus son of ignoramus Rush Limbaugh. In it Mr Limbaugh concludes that

"if we are talking about the ideals that led to the very colonization of this land, our declaration of independence from Britain, and the formulation of our Constitution, then the answer is certainly "yes." In the words of professor John Eidsmoe, "If by the term Christian nation one means a nation that was founded on biblical values, then in that sense the United States may truly be called a Christian nation."

Really? well, someone forgot to tell John Adams (link)

Let's take a look at Biblical values as opposed to American ones and see how well they match up, shall we?


Let's use the 10 Commandments. Can't get much more biblical than the Big 10, right?

#1--Thou Shalt have no other Gods
In America, we have freedom of religion. You can worship God or Allah or Buddha or Jah Rastafari or no one at all, and its perfectly legal!

#2--Thou shalt not take the Name of the Lord thy God in Vain
In America, we have freedom of speech. You can say Oh My God! or God Damn it! with impunity!

#3--Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it Holy
No laws in America about working on the Sabbath. Even godly companies like Wal-Mart require their employees to work on Sunday and no one seems bothered by this.

#4--Honor thy Father and Mother, etc.
Hmm, back to freedom of speech again. I can stand in the public square and declare to all who will listen that my father, W.L. Chaos, is the biggest weenie in the world (which he is not, my old man can totally beat up your old man) and face absolutely no sanctions.

#5--Thou Shalt Not Kill
Okay. Here's a law we do have. Murder is definitely illegal. But seriously, has their ever been a society which did not outlaw murder? Did the pagan Romans or the pantheistic Messopotamians, or the polytheistic Hindus of India ever allow murder? The banning of murder is a universal value that all cultures, religions, and societies share. So while it is one of the values of "Judeo-Christian" culture, it is certainly not exclusive to the followers of Jaweh or Christ.

#6--Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery
No laws against adultery in America. Thomas Jefferson made boingy-boingy with his slaves. Ben Franklin poked every woman he could get his hands on.

#7--Thou Shalt Not Steal
Like the proscription on murder, the illegality of theft is something that is common to every civilized culture.

#8--Thou Shalt not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor
Ok, we do have laws forbidding perjury. (Although we learned in Sunday School that #8 forbids lying in general, which is not illegal in these United States, but let's give Old Dave this one)

#9--Thou Shalt not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife
In the US of A, not only can you covet her, you can have an affair with her if she's willing. She can even divorce your lame-o neighbor Flanders and marry you if she wishes.

#10--Thou shalt not Covet Thy Neighbor's House or Field, etc.
Any laws against coveting? Any laws which forbid any thoughts of any kind? No? I didn't think so.

So let's tally up the final score, shall we?
American laws are in agreement with the 10 commandments in exactly 3 out of 10 instances (and that's with the most generous interpretations) Sounds like a pretty Un-Christian society to me.

But wait. The 10 Commandments are in the Old Testament. Let's see what Jesus himself had to say about His values:





Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. [Matthew 5:9]

So, if we want to be a country based on Christian values, we should make peace. Hmm, I don't think I can remember a time when we weren't at war with someone or other.

Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. [Matthew 5:39]

I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully use you, and persecute you; [Matthew 5:44]

If we want to be a Christian-values society, I have to think that this maxim would apply even to people like Al Quaeda.

If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to cast a stone at her. [John 8:7] Do not judge, lest
you too be judged.

So it looks like a Christian value based society might have to be non-judgemental, even of **gasp** the GAYS!

Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 19:23]
You cannot serve both God and Money. [Matthew 6:24.]

UhOh!

So it seems pretty clear that the US was Not founded on Christian principles, and that our laws are obviously NOT based on the 10 commandments.
So, Mr Limbaugh, what other evidence do you cite to support your supposition that the US is a "Christian Nation?

Much of our Bill of Rights is biblically based, as well, and the Ten Commandments and further laws set out in the book of Exodus form the basis of our Western law.

Geez, You weren't paying attention at all, were you?