Smokey Joe Barton

Representative Joe Barton (R-TX), seen here discovering new depths of ignorance, recently stepped up to the mic in defense of Carbon Dioxide.

“I would also point out that CO2, carbon dioxide, is not a pollutant in any normal definition of the term. … I am creating it as I talk to you.

He then added, Oh, did I say CO? I meant BS!

It’s in your Coca-Cola, you’re Dr. Pepper, your Perrier water. It is necessary for human life.

Not to quibble, but does that mean that high fructose corn syrup, caramel coloring, and phosphoric acid are also necessary?

It is odorless, colorless, tasteless,

So is carbon Monoxide, which kills a lot of people, so those may not be the most relevant characteristics.

does not cause cancer, does not cause asthma. .

Yeah, neither do bullets, but I'm pretty sure they're still considered dangerous.

There is nobody who has ever been admitted to the hospital for CO2 poisoning, so it is not a pollutant. “

Are you purposely missing the point? It's not that CO2 is, in and of itself, harmful. the point is that it, along with other "greenhouse" gasses, accumulate in the atmosphere and cause heat to be trapped that would otherwise disperse. Or something like that. I don't really understand how it all works, and by the way, neither do you. But here's the difference. Just because I don't understand all the science doesn't mean that I dismiss it out of hand. See, if my doctor tells me that swallowing mercury is a really bad idea, I don't have to understand how neurotoxins function, I don't need to understand how the chemical properties of mercury interact with the cellular structure of the nervous system. It's enough that I know that she understands this stuff. Just like I don't need to understand the physics of climatology to know that the people who do understand it know that too much CO2 in the atmosphere is harmful. I don't tell my doctor "hey, there's mercury in that thermometer you stuck in my mouth, so obviously mercury is medically helpful." Ok, I understand just enough to get that there is a big difference between mercury in a thermometer under my tongue, and mercury in my bloodstream. Just like I get that there is a big difference between CO2 in the atmosphere and CO2 in a can of Coke.

You're right, Santa. A nice cold Coca-Cola sure would hit the spot right now!

Ugh, I feel dirty. But when that sweet, sweet Coca-Cola money starts flowing this way, I think I'm gonna feel a whole lot better!

The Worst Songs I've Heard This Week

Cha-Cha Slide by DJ Casper

Because it's not so much a song as a set of instructions with a beatbox.

You Were Meant for Me by Jewel

Because I don't need to hear about every mundane detail of your day.
"I got my eggs and my pancakes too"
"I break the yolks and make a smiley face."
"I brush my teeth and put the cap back on."
"put on my pj's and hop into bed."
Good God! If you knew someone like this, would you voluntarily spend a second with her?

Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen
I generally like Bruce. I think he's written a lot of very good songs, OK? This just isn't one of them.
because A) he makes no effort to make the lyrics fit into the meter of the song, and
B) he says his baseball player friend "Could throw that speedball by you" Where I come from, a speedball is what killed John Belushi. The pitch is called a fastball. Who doesn't know that?

Lullaby by Shawn Mullins

Because he recites the words instead of singing through most of the song.

Invisible Touch by Phil Collins

Because its sung by Phil Collins. Also because it was written by Phil Collins.

Always the Last to Know by Del Amitri

Because, as if this song didn't suck enough balls, they put in this lyric:
". . .If you're happy now
or if he's cheating on you, like I cheated on you
oh, oh, oh"
(I swear, the lyric is oh, oh, oh, check Lyrics.com if you don't believe me)

then the singer goes into poignant, sensitive mode and sings
"you were the last to know, you were the last to know"
Dude! Don't use your sentimental, heartfelt voice when you're talking about being a total dick!

I'm sure there were more. Our Muzak system at work is programmed by sadists, but that's all I can think of right now.

Stupid Quotes of the Week

Something weird was going on this week, there were even more stupid quotes this week than usual. here are a few highlights.

Micheal Steele:

Steele said, “The problem that we have with this president is that we don’t know [Obama]. He was not vetted, folks. … He was not vetted, because the press fell in love with the black man.

Riiiight, the press loves the black guy. That must be why you are so popular and respected and not at all the object of constant ridicule.

John Boehner:

"It's hard for me to imagine,'' Boehner said, ''that anyone in the intelligence areas would mislead us... I don't feel.. that I have been misled.''

Perish the thought! The CIA stooping to deception? Why the very idea!

Lindsey Graham:

Senator Lindsey Graham basically defended the Spanish Inquisition, saying:

“One of the reasons these techniques have been used for about 500 years is that they work”.

If by "work" you mean "get people to confess to witchcraft," then Yeah, good point, Senator!




Joe Barton:
“I would also point out that CO2, carbon dioxide, is not a pollutant in any normal definition of the term.

“And something that the Democrat sponsors do not point out, a lot of the CO2 that is created in the United States is naturally created. You can’t regulate God.

Right, anything that's naturally occurring can't be harmful. Oh, you know what else is a naturally occurring substance? Arsenic! Just saying.

(Barton's CO2 diatribe deserves its own post. if I get the time, I may give it one.)

But this is probably the stupidest story of the year so far:

Republicans on Wednesday abandoned an effort to label their opponents the “Democrat Socialist Party,” ending a fight within the GOP ranks that reflected the divide between those who want a more centrist message and those seeking a more aggressive, conservative voice.

Supporters of the resolution asking the Democratic Party to change its name instead agreed to accept language urging Democrats to “stop pushing our country towards socialism and government control.”

Wow! You just got thumped in the last two elections, you've got the ghost of Cheney popping up on TV every couple of days, Your chairman is Micheal Steele, and this is what you're spending your time on? This is the resolution you're debating? Don't you want to be relevant again at some point? Unbelievable!

Harry Reid

With friends like Harry, who needs enemies?

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid declared in press conference today that he will not support GITMO detainees being held in the United States. Reid said that he supports Obama’s plan to close GITMO, but will not support, “terrorists to be released in the United States.”

Jeez, Harry! Come on! No one is talking about releasing terrorists anywhere, let alone releasing them into the U.S. You gotta stop watching FOX! Do you really think that President Obama would just let terrorists loose to wander the streets of America? How do you explain this position of yours?

Reid was asked why the Senate wouldn’t fund the closure of GITMO
He said,“I agree with President Bush.

Oh Good God Almighty! It's worse than I thought! You agree with Bush? The man who was wrong about, um, everything?

“I agree with President Bush. I agree with John McCain. I agree with Barack Obama.

Yeah, that doesn't really work. That's like saying "I'm a devout Baptist. And also a Hindu. And a Mormon." Oh, right. You are a Mormon, aren't you? What does that church do to its followers' minds?

Reid noted, however, that “many Americans have concerns about terrorists coming into our community.”

Yeah, unless your community is a Supermax prison, that's not really going to be an issue.

Oh, check out this exchange:

REID: I’m saying that the United States Senate, Democrats and Republicans, do not want terrorists to be released in the United States.

QUESTION: No one’s talking about releasing them. We’re talking about putting them in prison somewhere in the United States.

REID: Can’t put them in prison unless you release them.

What? Do you have any idea how prison transfers work? It's not like when your company transfers you to a different branch. They don't just tell you when to show up and who to ask for.

This is how they transport a garden variety criminal.

Not even a high-priority offender. So, yeah, I think that the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security could handle transferring prisoners into US prisons.

















U.S. Prisons can handle guys like this























You think they can't handle these guys?

Hey Reid, guess what?

MUSIC BREAK!

It's Atlanta's own THE COATHANGERS playing live at Georgia State!