Pat Boone Wears the Crazy Pants

Pat Boone is a ridiculous person. And by ridiculous, I mean deserving or worthy of ridicule, not amusing or preposterous. This is a guy who once had a thriving career doing gawd-awful covers of Little Richard and Fats Domino songs for whites-only radio stations to play on air. Because someone at the record company would hear a song like "Long Tall Sally" and think "Dang! that's a great song. If we could just get someone to suck all the excitement and fire out of it, you know, whiten it up a bit, we could sell this to the Potsie Webers and Ralph Malphs of the world. Now who do we know that could do that? I know! This douche!"

When his singing career petered out, Pat went into the Christian Broadcasting racket. Then, desperate for a gimmick, he took a bunch of heavy metal songs, drained them of the excitement and power and everything that had made them enjoyable, smeared their lifeless husks onto a CD, and went on a publicity blitz dressed as a gayer Rob Halford.
Then he put on the crazy pants. How crazy? Check out this and this. Seriously, if you have a couple minutes, it's worth it.
But here's the latest example of Pat's Looney-Toons take on current events:

Mr. Obama, Show Us Your Birth Certificate

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:47 PM By: Pat Boone

Yep! He's a birther!

I know; this suspicion, this question about whether Barack Hussein Barry Soetoro Obama was actually born in the United States as the Constitution explicitly demands has been circulating for months

OK, hold on. Let me stop you right there. New rule. Anyone mentioning Barack Obama's middle name is not to be taken seriously. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to confuse your ignorant readers into thinking that there is some sort of connection between Barack Obama and Sadam Hussein. That's just pathetic. You might as well draw a connection between Adolph Hitler and Adolph Rupp.Or imagine a line from Benito Mussolini to the town of San Benito, CA.

Hell, by your logic, the person most qualified to run for president is former Oakland Raider Lincoln Kennedy.

New rule #2: anyone who finds it at all relevant that a young Barack Obama may have gone by "Barry" is to be considered an idiot with zero credibility. Why would that matter? Why is it even worth mentioning? Is it relevant that Ronald reagen sometimes went by "Ron" or "Ronny"? Is it important that Dwight Eisenhower was often referred to as "Ike"? Is it important that someone who was christened Charles Eugene Boone went by "Pat"?

Or Do you think that listing his full name, his erstwhile nickname, and his stepfather's surname makes it look as if he has a bunch of aliases like some nefarious underworld character?
Okay, now that we've established a couple of ground rules, please do go on with your nonsense.

a widely known and experienced investigator, Dr. Jerome Corsi, flew to Kenya in search of a certificate of birth he had reason to believe existed there.

Yeah, Jerome Corsi is widely known. He's widely known as the libelous hack who co-authored the John Kerry smear-job "Unfit for Command." He is also widely known for promoting the baseless "theory" that petroleum is not a fossil fuel, but is produced by chemical reactions under the earth's crust. He is also known for accusing then-president George W. Bush of planning a "North American Union" which would supplant the USA and use the "Amero" currency instead of the dollar or peso. So, yeah, that's the guy you want to be citing to back up your claims.

Many, who know more than I do about what actually happened, notably the United States Justice Foundation, have surmised that baby Obama's mother, about to have her child in Kenya, had booked a flight to Hawaii but was prohibited from flying because delivery was so imminent. But soon after baby Barack was born, USJF theorizes she flew with him to Oahu and obtained some kind of "record of birth" as if he'd been born there.

So, the USJF surmises this, do they? Not only do they surmise, but they also theorize? Well, that's good enough for me! Oh, hey, I surmize that Pat Boone is a drug peddler. I theorize that he needs the money to keep up his enormous collection of kiddie porn. Officer, arrest this man!

Why is this so important?

If, by the end of his first term, Barack Obama were proven to have been an illegitimate president, history might just hold him accountable for:

Dismantling America's free markets (he's done no such thing) Taxing the higher-earning middle class into despondency Despondancy? Really? You're saying that letting Bush's tax cuts expire for those making over $250K is going to lead to "despondancy"? It's going to put the upper-middle class in a bad mood? Oh, history will judge him harshly! Spending and taxing the nation into bankruptcy (because the nation was in such great financial shape when he took office!) Imposing socialistic, government-run health care (God forbid we should join the rest of the civilized world) Granting amnesty to multiplied millions of illegal aliens (he's done no such thing. You're thinking of Bush Senior) Seriously weakening our military and encouraging our enemies (you're an idiot) Enacting crippling and fraudulent "global warming" laws (what the hell do you people have against science?) Promoting abortion and same-sex "marriage" into permanent legitimacy (abortion has been legal since 1973. So far, Obama has sadly stood behind the "Defense of Marriage Act") Throttling religious speech with phony "hate crimes" legislation (If your religion is affected by hate crime laws, you really ought to look into finding a new religion)

One thing for sure: This is not going away. More and more people are determined to get the truth, and will press to get it. Why should the president and his team stonewall this legitimate and proper request. Is there indeed something devastating to keep hidden?

You know why this isn't going away? because people like you are fucking crazy! It takes about 2 minutes to see Barack Obama's birth certificate online. Any numbskull can do it. But nincompoops like you just say "oh, that's fake," and then demand to see the "real" one.
Guess what, you've seen the real one. there isn't any realer one. barack Obama could produce a videotape of his mother giving birth to him on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and you wouldn't be satisfied. So the rest of us are just going to ignore you now.

Even we think you're crazy!

And by the way, who the hell publishes op-ed pieces written by Pat fucking Boone? News-Max.com
Hmm.
I guess their target market is people who look at the issues of the day and think, I'm not sure about this Obama fellow, I'm going to wait to see what Pat Boone has to say. Maybe Leif Garrett will weigh in on the matter. Where does Neil Diamond come down on this issue? And which candidate have the Osmond Brothers endorsed?
News-max.com, huh?
Wow!

Erick Erickson

Every morning, Erick Erickson rolls out of his race-car bed, changes out of his feetie pajamas, pours a bowl of Coco Puffs, (for which he is CooCoo!) and opens up the morning paper. Skimming through the headlines, he pauses at each article and thinks to himself "how can I make this story be about the badness of Barack Obama?"

Today, the story was Honduras.

President Obama gave a mild sort-of-condemnation of the military coup which ousted President Manuel Zelaya. So how do we twist this? How can this be a story about Obama's treachery and wickedness? Hmmmmmmmmm.........................

In the battle between good and evil, Barack Obama endorses evil

Whether Hamas, Hezbollah, Chavez, or Castro, Barack Obama faithfully sides with American enemies over American interests.

Oh, well done! That's a finely crafted, attention-garbbing headline! Now to fill in all the blank space left under the title part, and I can watch my cartoons!

We need to pay attention to Obama’s foreign policy. It is shaping up to be fatal to American interests.

Fatal! That'll scare some people!

He has given only tepid support to democratic protestors in Iran

And God knows how strong U.S. backing would have increased the credibility of the protestors. And our "American interests" lie directly in having the slightly-less crazy hardliner be the figurehead of Iran!

He refuses to take on the North Koreans despite their intentions to launch a missile toward Hawaii.

I gotta tell you, there are fireworks stores in Tennessee with more impressive arsenals than Kim Jong Il. The odds of him being able to hit Hawaii with one of his sad little missles are about the same as Erick Erickson's odds of hitting Angelina Jolie with his sad little missle.

And now Barack Obama is standing with Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, and a host of communist regimes and sympathizers in Central and South America on the issue of Honduras.

Also Canada, Russia, the United nations, the European Union, but whatever.

Oh, Erick, Obama and Chavez also agree that the sky is blue! They must be in cahoots!

Barack Obama sees it differently. He is supporting the democratically ousted President of Honduras. He joins Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro.

Democratically ousted? Losing an election would be democratcally ousted, I guess, but being evicted from the country by one's own military? That's a coup. And just because Fidel Castro agrees doesn't make it untrue.

Asshole of the Year

My second nominee for the coveted Asshole of the Year award is. . . . . . . . . . .

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas!Dang! I'm bored. When do we get to the sexy part?

Back in 2003, a 13-year-old Arizona girl was called in to the principal's office. Someone had whispered a rumor that this girl had brought prescription-strength Ibuprofen to school. (Note: ibuprofen is also known as Motrin or Advil. Prescription-strength Ibuprofen is exactly the same, just more milligrams). When no pills were found in her backpack, school officials made her remove her clothes and show them that nothing was concealed in her brassiere or underpants.

Well, on June 24 of this year, the Supreme Court ruled that this constituted an illegal search. The ruling was 8 to 1. The lone dissenting vote came from our nominee, Clarence Thomas. Even Alito found strip-searching a 13-year-old girl looking for Advil was outrageous, but not ol' Clarence!

"It was eminently reasonable to conclude the backpack was empty because Redding was secreting the pills in a place she thought no one would look," he said.

See, that's what happens when you begin with a conclusion. If you have already decided that the girl must have these pills on her, then when they can't be found in a normal place, like her backpack, you force yourself to assume that they must be hidden elsewhere. If you instead begin with the question "does she have pills on her?" you can search her backpack, have her empty her pockets, and when nothing is found, then you come to a conclusion--which in this case would be, "I guess not." Or you could also not treat students like inmates who have to be searched for contraband at the drop of a hat, but I digress.

Thomas warned that the majority's decision could backfire. "Redding would not have been the first person to conceal pills in her undergarments," he said. "Nor will she be the last after today's decision, which announces the safest place to secrete contraband in school."

Thomas continued, "yesssssss, the best place to hide your special valuables, mmmmmm.... a teenager's panties, mmmmmmmmm........ don't forget to check the bra! Yeahhhhhhhhh........."
Or something along those lines.

Although, in his defense, Judge Thomas may have still been giddy from being the lone dissenting vote in the court's 8-1 decision upholding the Voting Rights Act last week.

So congratulations Clarence Thomas, you've been nominated for Asshole of theYear!

Micheal Jackson -- Who Cares?

Ye, Micheal Jackson was a terrific singer and a hell of a showman, but what the hell good has he been for the last, oh, decade or so? What was the last decent song he put out? "Black or White"? Honestly, the guy peaked in what, like 1975? Yeah "Thriller" had like 500 hit singles, but admit it, they all sucked.
Look at some of these lyrics:

"Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight" What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?

"They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You, Then They'll Tell You It's Fair" So these gang-bangers are going to take the time, after beating and kicking you to explain that, although it may seem unfair, by their code of ethics, this ass-kicking was actually fair?

"'Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night.There Ain't No Second Chance Against The Thing With Forty Eyes." Wow!

"Someone's Always Tryin' To Start My Baby Cryin', Talkin', Squealin', Lyin'" This must be the most hated woman on the planet! People are constantly trying to make her cry!

Anyway, the poor guy's been a slow-motion train wreck for the past 20 years at least, he's going to be remembered more for being tabloid fodder than for any of his musical accomplishments.

But that's not even the point. The point is, why are we all supposed to be so broken up about the death of a man that we've never met? Why is it assumed that we all are supposed to feel some sort of intense personal connection to a total stranger just because we've seen him on TV and listened to his records? What does this say about us as a society when all our 24-hour news channels can just put the wars, the economy, and everything else on hold because a singer died?

The only upside is that jackson died just in time to save us from the Let's-pretend-to-
care-about-Farrah-Fawcett-festival that would otherwise have been in store for us.

For you younger folks out there, farrah Fawcett was an alleged actress and alleged beauty who starred for four years in a ridiculous Aaron Spelling detective show, then several lousy made-for-Tv movies. But she is most well-known for having had nipples:


Apparently, we all mourn her passing.

The Republican Implosion, a Brief History.

First, they hitched their wagon to this star:
Then they decided that this guy: was going to be their 2012 standard bearer. Unfortunately, both of them spoke in public, and that was the end of that!

Then they put this guy: in charge of the whole party.

But he got bitch-slapped by this guy: And so did this guy:
And somewhere in all the confusion, this guy: started getting taken seriously.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then this guy: tried to blow an undercover cop.

This guy: got caught having sex with a lady who is NOT the lady in this picture.

And this guy: just disappeared.

He later showed up and admitted to having been with this gal: (artists rendition)

instead of this one: Meanwhile, this gal: was in a batshit-crazy contest with this guy: and winning!

This guy: was talking secession with this guy: and these guys:
became the defacto spokesmen for the whole party.

You know what, republicans? Just stop it! Just cut it out! There has to be a minimum of two functioning political parties in this country.
See, here's the problem - liberals tend to over-think things, conservatives tend to under-think. Conservatives see everything in stark black & white, liberals see endless shades of grey. We need to have some of both so that it averages out to a normal person.
So knock it off! Quit fucking around and get back in the game!






NO! Not you!