Stupidest Quote of the Week

We have three finalists for the title stupidest quote of the week. First up, giant-headed boob Newt Gingrich:

Gingrich: 'Any ad which quotes what I said Sunday is a falsehood'

Now that's a stupid quote! I guess the takeaway is that you might as well make up whatever crazy shit you want about Newt Gingrich, since quoting him directly is considered a "falsehood." So, here goes:

Newt Gingrich is made entirely of cow dung. He was built in a lab by Benito Mussolini and Jack the Ripper. His first notable achievement was the invention of bestiality. However, he is best known for having created the television program "Jersey Shore."
Most of that should be considered falsehoods, but you never know. Some of it might be true. But I doubt it.

Our second nominee is loathsome worm Rick Santorum:

 

 

Oh, sorry Jerry!

 

Here's Rick Santorum:

 

Rick Santorum says John McCain doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to torture

Also, why does ESPN have Steve Young commenting on football? What the hell does he know about football?

HUGH HEWITT: Now your former colleague, John McCain, said look, there’s no record, there’s no evidence here that these methods actually led to the capture or the killing of bin Laden. Do you disagree with that? Or do you think he’s got an argument?
RICK SANTORUM: I don’t, everything I’ve read shows that we would not have gotten this information as to who this man was if it had not been gotten information from people who were subject to enhanced interrogation. And so this idea that we didn’t ask that question while Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was being waterboarded, he doesn’t understand how enhanced interrogation works.

Now there are a lot of things John McCain doesn't understand, like where the e-mails come from, or why the grandkids don't call more often, or why the hell it always has to be so goddamned cold in here? But torture? John McCain has actually been tortured. He has been subjected to "enhanced interrogation."  He knows exactly how it works, you stupid, ignorant little creep.

Third up: Kirk Cameron:

Heavens No! Kirk Cameron Attacks Stephen Hawking for Godless Views

""To say anything negative about Stephen Hawking is like bullying a blind man. He has an unfair disadvantage, and that gives him a free pass on some of his absurd ideas.

 No, it's not at all like bullying a blind man. Having a fistfight with Stephen Hawking would be like bullying a blind man. Having a battle of wits with Stephen Hawking is like bullying Andre the Giant.

 

In that, the bullyer may soon find himself the bullyee!

 

 

Professor Hawking is heralded as 'the genius of Britain,' yet he believes in the scientific impossibility that nothing created everything and that life sprang from non-life," the former TV star tells E! News.

Scientific impossibility? Oh, Mike Seaver is going to tell us what is scientifically impossible? 

I'm sorry, from which University did you receive your PhD, Kirk?

"Why should anyone believe Mr. Hawking's writings if he cannot provide evidence for his unscientific belief that out of nothing, everything came?" Cameron queried.

Oh, I don't know, maybe because his IQ of 160? Maybe because he has spent his entire life studying this sort of thing? Maybe because he is a scientist and not a mediocre sitcom actor?

I can't decide which quote is stupidest. I'm going to tentatively call it a three-way tie, unless anyone wants to weigh in.

Scott Walker is an Even Bigger Scumbag than I Thought

Gov. Walker: No hospital visitation for gay couples

Gov. Scott Walker wants Wisconsin to abandon legal defense of a new state law that gives same-sex couples the right to visit partners who are hospitalized.

Seriously?  No hospital visits? What is even the point of that? How does a guy visiting another guy in the hospital affect anyone else?

A Democratic-controlled Legislature, in 2009, approved a new law in which same-sex couples can sign domestic partnership registries with county clerks “to secure some — but not all — of the rights afforded married couples,” the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported.

Of course, even that is too much for some pricks. As long as any gay people anywhere have any rights at all, the prick brigade will be there to fight against them.

The law has been challenged by an anti-gay rights group, Wisconsin Family Action, saying the visitation privileges violate an amendment to the state constitution that bans same-sex marriages or similar legal agreements.

Wisconsin Family Action. That would be these asses:





Here's the mission statement from Wisconsin Family Action's website. See if you can spot the irony!

We take seriously our mission of advancing Judeo-Christian principles and values in Wisconsin by strengthening and preserving marriage, family, life and liberty.

Yes, liberty. The answer we were looking for was "liberty." They will fight tirelessly to preserve liberty, except for the liberty of certain people to marry certain other people or even visit them at the fucking hospital!  Or liberty for women to control their own uteri. But other than that, give them liberty of give them death!

This is what has this group of scumbags up in arms:

The registries allow same-sex couples to take family and medical leave to care for a seriously ill partner, make end-of-life decisions and have hospital visitation rights. But according to Fair Wisconsin, they still confer only about a quarter of the rights associated with marriage, lacking provisions to allow couples to file joint tax returns or adopt children together.

So, if a person is in the hospital, seriously ill, facing death, Walker and the Family Action Dick Brigade feel that it is of the utmost importance to deny that person the comfort of the person they love most in the world if that person is of the same gender. Because, why, exactly? What's the point? Do they really think that Bob visiting Jim in the hospital is really a threat to boy-girl marriage? Really? They can't possibly be that insane, can they?

I think that maybe they really believe that if you make life difficult enough for the gay people, they will eventually give up and stop being gay. Or maybe that if they aren't senselessly cruel enough to the gay people, being gay will just seem so attractive an option that breeders will defect in droves?

Callista Gingrich!

According to Peteykins, mentioning Callista Gingrich is a good way to increase traffic to one's blog. I was planning on just typing "Callista Gingrich, Callista Gingrich" over and over like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, but then I saw this:

Gingriches owed as much as $500k to Tiffany's

WASHINGTON (AP) - Republican presidential contender Newt Gingrich's family at one point owed as much as a half million dollars to luxury jeweler Tiffany's.
Financial disclosures filed by Callista Gingrich show she or her husband also owed as much as $50,000 to American Express. Callista Gingrich, who worked as an aide in the U.S. House until 2007, was required to disclose debts of more than $10,000 and the rules allow reporting of a broad range of figures.

Oh, so I see Callista and Newt are not only strong representatives of Republican Family Values, but also paragons of Fiscal responsibility. 

Although, I suppose what with Newtie being out of work for so long, it must be difficult to pay the bills.

The most recent report on file from 2006 says the couple had 

between $1 and $2.5 million in assets. 

Oh. never mind.

  

Jeezus Christ! Don't look her in the eye!

On a related note, Callista Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Callista Gingrich!!!

For more Callista Gingrich, visit Cafe' Chaos, where we'll be talking about Callista Gingrich.

Which Paul is Worse?

We already know which Paul was the best. It was Les.



There will never be a better Paul.

But which Paul is the worst? That's open for debate. Let's start with the newest Paul, young Rand.

Rand Paul says people who support universal healthcare 'believe in slavery'

 

 Ooh. Sprinting out to an early lead!

"With regard to the idea of whether you have a right to healthcare, you have to realize what that implies. It’s not an abstraction. I’m a physician.

Yeah, for starters, you're really not a physician. You're not certified by any recognized medical board. In fact, you considered the certification process so unfair (requiring doctors to know stuff! The very idea!) that you created your own made-up certification board to certify yourself. But do go on.

I’m a physician. That means you have a right to come to my house and conscript me," Paul said recently in a Senate subcommittee hearing.

"It means you believe in slavery. It means that you’re going to enslave not only me, but the janitor at my hospital, the person who cleans my office, the assistants who work in my office, the nurses," Paul said, adding that there is "an implied use of force."

So, if there are more people who can afford your dubious services, meaning more people who potentially might come to your office and pay you money to do whatever it is you do, that's like conscription? How do you not see that this would be to your advantage?
MORE CUSTOMERS = MORE MONEY.
It's a pretty simple equation.
I think you don't really get what the word "slavery" means. It means someone forcing you to work against your will for no pay. It looks like this:

 

Or, for some people, like this:

                 

but that's none of my business.

What you're talking about, universal health care, looks like this:

 

See the difference?

"If I’m a physician in your community and you say you have a right to healthcare, you have a right to beat down my door with the police, escort me away and force me to take care of you? That’s ultimately what the right to free healthcare would be," Paul said.

Also, the police would themselves be slaves since everyone is entitled to their protection. Sure, they signed up for the job, receive a salary and are free to quit at any time, but still. SLAVERY!

Really, I'd say you're more of a slave now, since every citizen of Kentucky is entitled to be represented by you. Maybe "entitled" isn't the right word, since I can't believe most of them are any too happy about that. Still, though, every citizen of Kentucky has a right to your representational services, so by your logic, that makes you a slave! Now fetch me a mint julep, slave!

Usually, when a wingnut makes this sort of outlandish claim, you can figure out where the germ of the idea came from. You can usually figure out what fact they are misinterpreting or distorting, but this? I have no idea where this comes from.

This is going to be hard to beat. May we have the next Paul please?

 

Oh, no. No. I'm not touching that one.You are disqualified, sir.

Next!

 

Ah, Ok. Here we go. It's Texas Congressman Ron Paul, the original Paultard!

I've always had a certain grudging respect for Ron Paul, even though I think he's wrong about pretty much everything. I mean, even when he's right, like opposing the Iraq War, he's right for the wrong reason. But I like the fact that he seems like one of the few political figures who is really sincere in his beliefs, and really says what he means, not what he thinks his audience wants to hear. Anyway, I always thought he was more nutty than awful. Then I read a few quotes from his newsletter.

(via the Houston Chronicle)

""Opinion polls consistently show that only about 5 percent of blacks have sensible political opinions, i.e. support the free market, individual liberty and the end of welfare and affirmative action," 

""Given the inefficiencies of what D.C. laughingly calls the `criminal justice system,' I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal," 

 "(Carjacking) is the hip-hop thing to do among urban youth who play unsuspecting whites like pianos. The youth simply walk up to a car they like, pull a gun, tell the family to get out, steal their jewelry and wallets, and take the car to wreck. Such actions have ballooned in the recent months.

"In the old days, average people could avoid such youth by staying out of bad neighborhoods. Empowered by media, police, and political complicity, however, the youth now roam everywhere looking for cars to steal and people to rob.

"What can you do? More and more Americans are carrying a gun in the car. An ex-cop I know advises that if you have to use a gun on a youth, you should leave the scene immediately, disposing of the wiped off gun as soon as possible. Such a gun cannot, of course, be registered to you, but one bought privately (through the classifieds, for example).

"I frankly don't know what to make of such advice, but even in my little town of Lake Jackson, Texas, I've urged everyone in my family to know how to use a gun in self defense. For the animals are coming."

 

Okay, that's it. No more calls, we have a winner.

Holy Shit!

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Oh, my God! This is so ridiculous, it looks like a Saturday Night Live parody. Except funny.



I don't know where to begin with this ad. Maybe the lady screaming "I'm Korean!!!!" for no apparent reason? Or maybe the candidate reassuring her that being Korean isn't necessarily a bad thing, heck even my wife is Korean!

Could a political ad possibly get any worse?
Haha, of course it could!



I don't know what's the most ridiculous part of this. Maybe it's the worst trash-talking of all time? "Oh yeah? well my dad's a lawyer!" Is that supposed to psych him out? You're supposed to say something like "you can't beat me, you got no game, don't bring that weak shit in here," or something, I don't know, basketball-related?
And "gets shit done" is pretty much the job description of every unemployed baby-daddy on Judge Judy. What do you do for a living? Oh, you know, I do my thing. I get shit done. So, sure, vote for me for Congress!

And when did Patty Duke go insane?



Thank God they cut away before the big gross foursome started. Unfortunately, they didn't cut away before Patty Duke made a bunch of old-lady-pooping-her-pants noises.