Sunday, September 20, 2009

Suzanne Somers Needs to STFU!

September 20: Cancer survivor SUZANNE SOMERS has blamed PATRICK SWAYZE's death on his chemo treatment.



Yes, that's right. Leotard enthusiast and thigh-master peddler Suzanne Somers weighed in with her medical opinion regarding Patrick Swayze's untimely death. It was not the cancer that killed him, it was the chemo! Really.

This has gotten way out of hand. Why the hell would anyone bother asking the poor man's Farrah Fawcett for her opinion on a medical issue?

First it was Dirk benedict claiming he had cured himself of cancer by eating really awful macrobiotic food. Then Jenny McCarthy going around telling gullible parents not to get their kids immunized.

I guess the logic there is that you kind of weigh the odds of leaving your kid vulnerable to whooping cough, German Measles and Smallpox against the odds that former Playmate Jenny Mc Carthy and obnoxious comedian Jim Carrey know more about immunizations and autism than every doctor in the fucking world. And some parents are going to be stupid enough to say," Yeah, I think there's a better chance that naked Jenny and Ace Ventura have discovered the cause of autism than there is that my un-immunized child will die of Diptheria."


And Now Chrissie Fucking Snow has thrown her two cents in.

And as you might expect, her two cents is really, really stupid.

Somers has spoken out about Dirty Dancing star Swayze, who died at 57 after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer on Monday (14Sep09).

The actress insists Swayze, who underwent regular bouts of chemo, could have extended his life if he had turned to alternative aids instead of drugs.

Really? What alternative treatments are going to do a better job than chemo which is admittedly awful, but saves countless lives every year?

She tells U.S. columnist Shinan Govani, 'They took this beautiful man and they basically put poison in him. Why couldn't they have built him up nutritionally and gotten rid of the toxins in his body?

Seriously? Do you remember what Swayze looked like before the cancer?
















How much more Nutritionally built-up could he have been? The man was the poster-boy for health and fitness! What fucking vitamin was he not taking that would have beaten pancreatic cancer?

Listen, Suzane.
And Jenny.
And Dirk.

You need to realize that some gullible people are going to take you seriously. They are going to follow your advice, and they are going to die from an entirely preventable or treatable condition. And it will be your fault.

I don't dispute that the food you put in to your body has an effect on your health. I will readily stipulate that a macrobiotic diet will make you a much healthier person than my Cheetos and Pepsi program. But if. God forbid, I get cancer or heart disease or whatever, I'm going straight to a doctor. A real doctor. Not a nutritionist, not an herbalist, not a homeopath, a DOCTOR. Someone who has been trained in Medical Science, not medical mythology.

I know there is value in certain natural herbal remedies. I know Aloe Vera is good for healing burns and scrapes. I know Vitamin C is good for the immune system. And I know that an herb like cannabis has many wonderful effects. But none of this hippy-dippy shamanistic stuff is going to cure fucking cancer.
Your cancer may have gone in to remission while you were eating seaweed and lawn clippings. Good for you! But that's the thing with cancer, it often goes in to remission. Your diet may have had something to do with it, or maybe it had nothing at all to do with it. There are plenty of people who claim to have been cured of cancer by psychic surgery, or by imagining the tumors shrinking and disappearing, or by having people pray for them. The thing is, you don't hear from the very large number of people for whom it didn't work, because they are dead. You only hear from the ones whose cancer happened to go into remission after a witch doctor rang bells or waved crystals or they ate health food or whatever. Usually, people who rely on these types of "remedies" die. That's why modern medicine has been developed. if the herbs and chanting and magic potions were working, there wouldn't have been a need for doctors and chemists to invent real medicines. Why would someone say, I'm going to spend my life in a laboratory trying to find a cure for the plague if the natural remedies were working? You'd have to be insane! It would be like someone today going in to a lab to try to find a way to communicate over distances. If someone told you that they were dedicationg their life to finding a way to send people's voices to one another over some sort of electric wire, you'd think they were nuts! And you'd be right. You sure wouldn't contribute to funding this project. You would pull out your cell phone and say "look, you numbskull. It already exists and it works just fine. You're wasting your time."
So, obviously herbs and magic rocks and eye of frog, tail of newt weren't doing the job in the fight against cancer, and that is why chemo was invented.

So go ahead and believe what you want to believe, but Shut The Fuck Up about it, because people can hear you. And some of them are going to be dumb enough to believe you.



They're Baaaaack!




Hell, Yeah! Two and Oh!

Niners are back.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Erick Erickson, Leading the Idiot Race

Erick Erickson, der Mann so voll von scheiss,* they named him twice, is staking out a pretty good lead in the race for idiot of the year. (see his previous entries here and here.)

Here is his latest entry:

The Spirit of Skidmore


This is the entire text of his "article" or whatever you call it:

Josh Trevino just sent me this picture. He’s standing in front of the sign right now.

The sign is for the Skidmore Historical Society Museum. The sign says, “Built and maintained by local citizens without benefit of state or federal funds.”

We need that spirit in this country. We need the Spirit of Skidmore.



We need the "Spirit of Skidmore" The spirit that built a museum without any government funds. Sounds exciting!



Now here is the picture to which he is referring:


Yikes! Check out the hours! The museum is open for TWO HOURS One Day A WEEK. Is that really the spirit we need?

Well, maybe the museum itself is more impressive than the sign.

No. No, it's probably worse. Check out their website: (LINK)

Looks like the bulk of the "museum" is a bunch of rusty old farm equipment scattered haphazardly on some redneck's front lawn.




Yeah, those pictures are from the museum's promotional web-page. This is what they're proud of.

Oh, God do we need more of that Skidmore Spirit in this country. The spirit that says "Our museum may consist of a 2-hour window to view dilapidated hunks of scrap metal, but by God we did it without the damn Guv'mint!

So Erickson is definitely leading the race. All you other idiots out there better start playing catch-up. The gauntlet has been thrown down.


*the man so full of shit.

Hey, Max Baucus!

Hey, Max Baucus. How far up your ass is the insurance industry's cock?




EEEWWW!!! That's digusting! You're disgusting, Max Baucus! Not because of the sexual imagery, it's just disgusting how you're willing to put insurance companies' profits ahead of the needs of the people you are supposed to represent. You're disgusting!

Carrie Prejean Speaks!






















So the former Miss California, Carrie "Opposite marriage" Prejean made her appearance at the prestigious Value Voters Summit. Let's see what heft she added to the no doubt scintillating discourse.

(Note: for the purposes of this post, the word "prestigious" will be assumed to mean "preposterous" and "scintillating discourse" will refer to "blah, blah, blah, death panels, second ammendment, blah blah Muslims blah blah gay people are scary!" )






So let's see what she had to say for herself:
"There was something wrong with turning on the TV and seeing people mock me for my faith,"

Yeah, it wasn't really your faith people were mocking so much as your dumbth.*

"Seeing people make fun of me for being a Christian, trying to discredit me, trying to embarrass me -- it didn't make sense to me."

Other things which don't make sense to Ms. Prejean include, but are not limited to:

Mathematics
Science
Why some people are left-handed
How come Peter Parker is never around when Spiderman saves the day.
Basic rules of grammar and syntax.
How that sign at the mall always knows where you are.

"The moment the judge asked it, I tried to stand there and look pretty, but in my head I could not believe that they were asking that question at Miss USA,"

Ah! I see why she couldn't formulate a coherent answer, she was putting so much effort into standing there while simultaneously trying to look pretty. It does seem unfair to ask her to perform a third task concurrently.

"I could not believe it. I thought that it was extremely inappropriate for that venue. Any other venue it would have been all right."

Any other venue? So it would be just fine to ask that question at say, a funeral? Or during a job interview? Or at a gay wedding? Only the Miss USA pageant is an inappropriate venue for such a question. We must preserve the integrity of a Donald-Trump owned prettiness contest for ladies who didn't qualify for Miss America!

"I feel as though I'm Miss Universe."

Does that count? Oh, then I feel as though I'm Brad Pitt!

"I am so proud of the stance that I took. I'm so proud of the answer that I gave, and God chose me for that moment. He chose me for that moment because he knew that I would not only be the one to stick up for him and for the truth, but also he knew that I am strong enough to get through all of the junk that I have been through."



* (Dumbth is a word coined by Steve Allen as a measure of dumb. As width is to wide, so dumbth is to dumb)