Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's Crazy Candidate is Kansas' Joan Heffington.

Joan would like to be the next governor of Kansas, for some reason, and here are a few of her promises from her website

GOALS AS GOVERNOR:

• Sign into law only those bills that have 2/3 approval of the people

So, there will be no laws! Interesting. Go on.

Require that a Biblical and Constitutional reason exist for the passage of any new laws

Your honor, I propose that we ammend the tax code to read simply "give unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's." I cite the case of Matthew 22:21.

Review jail population for false/frivolous charges; if found, charges will be expunged
& person released

Letting the innocent out of jail? What a radical notion!

Repeal the War Powers Act so that Congress and the people must vote on decisions to go to war

Um, technically, the president can't go to war without Congress issuing a declaration of war, but there's no way you could be expected to know that.

And here's a little of her background. Again from her website:

BACKGROUND:
✝ Founder of Association for Honest Attorneys (A.H.A!),
a non-profit organization seeking “justice for all”
www.assocforhonestattys.com

Oh. That sounds like a good thing. Justice for all. Good thing she provided a link to the website of A.H.A.
you can click here,
Visit the Association for Honest Attorneys Website

or I can save you some time. Let me just show you the members of the AHA:

A.H.A! Board Members

Joan Heffington, C.E.O.

Cortland Berry, Director

GOD

I'm not kidding. God is listed as a board member.

God is all about truth, love and justice, so He fits right in with the A.H.A! He has been our unofficial guiding force since we began in 2003, and we look to Him to guide us in all of our decisions. God is our most trustworthy board member, and we know that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He helps us speak the truth in love, and protects us for doing what is right. God is the author of “The Holy Bible,” which is the standard of living for all mankind. Like us, it is not His desire that anyone should perish, even lawyers whom he especially tries to warn (Luke 11:52).

I looked up that verse, and it really is about lawyers! I had no idea lawyers were mentioned in the Bible.

Here's the verse according to this website which doesn't seem to have a name:

Woe unto you, lawyers! for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves, and them that were entering in ye hindered.

Interestingly, it doesn't say "woe unto dishonest lawyers,"or "woe unto lawyers excepting those of whose board I am a member." but anyway. . .

His laws under the Ten Commandments are the foundation of the
United States of America.

Okay, we've been over this (here) That just simply isn't true. No matter how many times you people repeat it, it isn't true.

So why should you vote for Ms Heffington instead of her opponent and fellow nut Sam Brownback?

Here's why:

Many of the polls appear biased in Brownback’s favor, but after traveling to 35 cities, we have only found 3 people who will vote for him. We haven’t seen any sign of Brownback himself in Kansas since he filed to run on 6/8. Maybe he’s afraid to answer questions about Heffington’s claims that he was involved in the CIA abuse of National Security Letters using innocent Kansans as experiments for chemical and biological warfare.

Ha! Only three voters that - wait, what?

Heffington had called Brownback’s office 4/12/07 for help removing the unwarranted National Security Letter against her, and three weeks later, a woman working in her office was targeted with a steroid cocktail mix I.V. in a Wichita hospital. Also, when an innocent 22-year old boy was targeted last fall, Heffington called Tiahrt’s office to ask for a congressional inquiry. Two weeks later, the state brought a false lawsuit against her for practicing law without a license.

WHAT?

Maybe I'm not understanding this correctly, let's look at a recent column in the Topeka Journal.

Heffington, a former Boeing employee and homebuilder in the Wichita area, said covert government operatives are infiltrating hospitals in Kansas and elsewhere to conduct biological and chemical warfare experiments on unsuspecting patients.

In February, she said, she learned operatives implanted microchips in a man who had refused to give the government a lucrative invention he had created. The microchips were transported through a window and into the man's body using a satellite, she said. "The technology is so advanced that they can do it that way," she said.

The state of Kansas is operating under a dictatorial French law that the CIA helped establish here in the 1950s, Heffington said.

"They needed a state where unsuspecting people could be treated like guinea pigs so they could try out their covert activities," she said.

Okay, one last thing. Here's Joan Heffington on Elena Kagan:

Elena Kagan’s appointment shows that wealthy elite lawyers still control the high court. THE GOOD: She’s against late term abortion. THE BAD: a Washington insider, Harvard law degree, Catholic but not Christian.

Um, Jewish. So, yeah, not Christian. But also not Catholic.

THE UGLY: On 10/15/09, Kagan as Solicitor General for the U.S. Supreme Court filed “no response” to our writ of certiorari in our case against Pres. Bush and others for illegal surveillance/wrongful death of Mark Heffington. On 11/09/09, the high court refused to hear the case, citing no reason.

So she ignores lunatics?

Also, I think the court cited no reason to spare you the embarrassment of citing the legal principle of "we don't take cases from loonies."

All in all, this is one baboon-ass crazy candidate. But all things considered, still probably better than Brownback.

Crazy Candidate of the Day, Sane Edition

Today's crazy candidate is Colorado's Ken Buck.

The crazy thing is, he's not really crazy.

But once you've cast your lot in with the teabaggers, having a moment of sanity in front of a live microphone is just a crazy thing to do.
From The Denver Channel.com

Ken Buck Calls Tea Party Backers 'Dumb----s'

GOP U.S. Senate Candidate Disparages Those Questioning President Obama's Citizenship

DENVER -- Republican U.S. Senate candidate Ken Buck called Tea Party backers who doubt President Barack Obama's citizenship "dumb----s" to a Democratic operative recording his comments.On an audio tape obtained by The Denver Post, Buck was caught saying, "Will you tell those dumba---s at the Tea Party to stop asking questions about birth certificates while I'm on the camera?"

Ooooh. . . . yeah, bad move, Ken! You really don't want to insult your main base of supporters, no matter how much they're begging for it.

You know, Ken, it's funny. I hadn't ever heard of you until I heard a story on the radio about you telling people they should vote for you because you "don't wear high heels,"



and when I look you up on the interwebs, this is what I find? You trashing the teabaggers?

Don't get me wrong, the teabaggers deserve your trashing. It's just that you've apparently been running as one of them. And trashing the people you're depending on for votes? Well, that's just crazy!

Oh, you know what else is crazy? Check out this snippet:

His Republican primary opponent, Jane Norton, quickly issued a news release Sunday night declaring: "KEN BUCK TRASHES TEA PARTIERS.""Ken Buck is two steps short of a fraud," Norton campaign spokesperson Cinamon Watson said in the release.

Yeah, your opponent is being represented by a person named "Cinamon."

Cinamon.

That might be a cute name for a pony, or a kitten, hell, even a stripper might be able to pull that off (no pun intended), but the spokesperson for a Congressional candidate? Named Cinamon? (and it's not even spelled right?) Now, that's crazy!

An even bigger middle finger

On the way home from Asheville, we were listening to a podcast of the Bugle (and if you haven't heard The Bugle, you're missing out on some good laughs. Check it out here) and either John Oliver or Andy Zaltzman mentioned that using corn to make ethanol was akin to the biggest possible middle finger to hungry people in the developing world. And I thought he was right. Until I got home and saw a commercial for this:

World's Best Cat Litter™ is the only litter made from whole-kernel corn

That's right! Suck on that, hungry children! We've got so much fucking corn, we're letting our cats piss on it! We'd rather that cats pissed on this corn than that it go to feed your family!

God, we're assholes!

Worst TV Show Ever

In Touch Exclusive:
Kate Gosselin and kids to meet Sarah Palin in Alaska!

Forget ex-husband Jon — Kate Gosselin could rename her TLC hit Sarah & Kate Plus 8! In Touch can exclusively reveal that Kate and her brood have traveled to Alaska with cameras in tow to meet up with the northern state’s most famous resident, Sarah Palin.

O, God there is no way this won't be on TV. These two publicity whores don't do anything that isn't designed to bring more attention and/or money their way. (for the record, Jon Gosselin is just as big a whore)

Maybe they could call it: Horrible Parents Profit From Their Kids.
or Soulless Mommies Drag Children Across the Tundra for Fun and Profit!
or Honey, I Exploited the Kids!

“Sarah, Kate and the kids will go camping,” a source says, adding that Sarah’s father, a retired science teacher, and brother, a third-grade educator, will conduct a hands-on natural history lesson for 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis.

What the hell kind of science are they going to learn from this collection of snake-handling tongue -speakers? You know Sarah's afraid of witches, right?

A mother of a big family herself, former vice presidential candidate Sarah is thrilled about the upcoming visit. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!” the insider adds.

Fun and educational for the kids? Really? That's why she's excited? Because someone else is going to have fun and learn something? Not because it's more free publicity for her and probably another fat paycheck from some stupid cable network? Because I don't think Sarah is ever excited for anyone but Sarah. And neither Sarah nor Kate ever go anywhere there aren't TV cameras.

The Stupidest Question I've Heard in a While

From some stupid website called "Big Journalism"

does anyone really believe that Andrew Breitbart would intentionally distort a video clip to make a one-day splash?

Aha. Ahahaha. BaHaHaHa!!!!!!

Risk his growing reputation with a deliberate, easily refutable distortion?

Growing Repu. . . BAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Oh, God! Stop, you're killing me!

Risk his growing reputation! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Okay, no, I'm sorry! Would Breitbart intentionally distort a video? Just to make a one-day splash? Seriously? That's like asking if John Dillinger would intentionally rob a bank just to get money! Oh, the very idea! As if Dillinger would risk his sterling reputation just for the financial gain he might expect from bank robbery! For shame! Why, robbery was the furthest thing from Dillinger's mind! He only asked the teller to put the relevant currency in his bag, if she misunderstood and accidentally gave him all the money in the bank, well how was he to know?

Would Andrew Breitbart intentionally distort? How is that even a question? The only way I could see anyone even half-seriously posing that question is if. . . hang on a second, let me check something. . .




Oh, okay. Now it makes sense.

Oh, how could anyone think that Mr. Burns would do something dishonest?!?!
Who could suggest such a thing?

So good going Breitbart, you got someone who works for you to defend you. Great job. Maybe you can call him as a witness when Shirley Sherrod sues you for defamation of character. Hopefully after ACORN finishes suing you for libel, and every ACORN employee who was made to look like a criminal in your fraudulent bullshit pimp 'n' ho video sues you for defamation.