Bristol Palin has already learned to speak Republican.

Bristol Palin: 'It's not plastic surgery!' it's 'corrective jaw surgery'





Riiiiiiight!
Obviously, this was medically necessary surgery.

Also, so was this:



Apparently, the Palin family is just congenitally unable to tell the truth.

Or maybe Bristol has been studying with Frank Luntz. Having your chin and cheekbones reshaped is "corrective jaw surgery," just like the estate tax is the "death tax." Just like allowing more air pollution is the "clear skies" initiative. Just like allowing more clear-cutting is the "healthy forests" initiative.

This is just how they talk. They absolutely refuse to have an honest discussion.

Bristol Palin admits her recent change in appearance was due to a procedure — but not plastic surgery.





The 20-year-old daughter of 2008 GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin tells Us Weekly that she underwent corrective jaw surgery in December, a month after she finished third on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." Her face now appears thinner, with higher cheekbones and an angular jaw.




The new look, complete with Palin losing 5 pounds, was unveiled April 30 at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner in Washington, D.C.




"Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons," she told the magazine for its May 23 issue, which will be on newsstands Friday.




Palin said she had the procedure so her jaw and teeth could properly realign.

Yes, yeas she does expect you to believe that. Sure, my cheekbones look more defined, after all I lost FIVE POUNDS! And everyone's chin looks thinner after oral surgery! Why not just say "I had a bunch of money from Dancing With The Stars and from my ridiculous abstinence speeches, so I decided to have a little work done." Who would hold that against her? If she didn't like the way she looks and has the money to change it, more power to her! Why lie?
 
Here's my theory. I once saw an interview with Rosanne in which she said that she had cosmetic surgery because she didn't like to look in the mirror and see the face of her abusive father. I think Bristol couldn't stand looking in the mirror and seeing Sarah the Quitter, but she's scared enough of sarah to not want to admit this publicly, so she made uo this whole "corrective jaw surgery" story knowing that her mom is dumb enough to believe it.

Oh, she may well have actually had this jaw realignment, but I'm guessing that she told the doctor, "hey, as long as you got me under, how about fixing these cheekbones and chin?"

Schmuck of the Day

It's the Right Reverend Jim Moats of  Newville, PA!

Three Days Ago. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Yesterday.

Local pastor made up elaborate Navy SEAL tale

 By Liz Goodwin Mon May 9, 4:11 pm ET

Moats told his church for five years that he was a former SEAL, and even once wore the elite program's gold Trident medal around town.

Oh, that's just a bad idea. There is no way this ends well. Unless you're really good at keeping a low profile, maybe.
 

He elaborated on that tale when his local paper contacted him last week as it was reporting a story about the rigors of SEAL training in the wake of the SEAL raid on Osama bin Laden's compound.

Oh, my God. Really? You really went ahead and talked to the press about your made-up Walter Mitty military career? Did it not occur to you that some actual Navy SEALS might read the local rag?

Or maybe you did enough research about the SEALS to be able to put together a realistic account of your made-up time in the elite fighting force?

 

I would start here.

Several former SEALs wrote into The Patriot-News casting doubt on the reverend's account of his service
Retired SEAL Don Shipley said he is one of a few former SEALs who are entrusted by the Navy with maintaining the database containing the names of all SEALS. The database cannot be accessed by the public.

Moats was never a SEAL and never had set foot in Vietnam, Shipley said.

Oh, but wait. That's not even the best part.
THIS is the best part:

Shipley said Moats’ story about being re-assigned to kitchen duty and about being waterboarded were lifted from the Steven Seagal movie “Under Siege,” while his reference to being hit by SEAL instructors was vintage “GI Jane.”

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“We deal with these guys all the time, especially the clergy. It’s amazing how many of the clergy are involved in those lies to build that flock up,” Shipley said.

 


Wait, what?
There are really a lot of clergymen trotting out the fake Navy SEAL story?
How does that build up the flock?
Why would a minister being a former special-ops killing machine be a selling point for your congregation? If a minister is going to lie about his past accomplishments, shouldn't those accomplishments be a bit more Jeezusey?  I've heard of pastors claiming to have been involved in exorcisms, or being able to raise the dead. I could see bragging about how many souls you've saved or what dangerous places you've been as a missionary, but why a Navy Seal?

 

Oh. I see.

There's something very wrong here. What kind of person is shopping for a house of worship and says "Hey, I hear the guy at Saint John's has the most confirmed kills?" How is that a criterion for choosing a spiritual leader?
If that's your basis for joining a congregation, you deserve to have your pastor turn out to be the Schmuck of the Day.

Florida pulls back into the lead in "Worst State in the Union" race

Florida Senate approves business tax cut that shrinks unemployment benefits


The Florida Senate approved a tax cut for businesses that will shrink unemployment benefits for those out of work.


By Michael C. Bender
Herald/Times Tallahassee Bureau





Sen. Nancy Detert, R-Venice, suggested her bill was a take-it-or-leave-it offer


“Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered,” Detert said. “Learn to like it or get nothing.”

Oh, right on, Ms Detert! People who would like to not be destitute after losing their jobs are such swine!

Although, one would think that Ms. Detert might not be the kind of lady who would want to throw out pig comparisons willy-nilly.



Just sayin'!

The bill cuts by 10 percent the tax rate that businesses pay to cover the costs of unemployment benefits and makes it easier for companies to keep former workers from collecting benefits.

This in a state whose governor has turned down $2.4 billion in stimulus money to build high-speed rail. The sort of building project that would create a whole bunch of, um, jobs.

The Obama administration on Monday announced the reallocation of $2 billion in its signature transportation program to create a national high-speed rail network, including $795 million for upgrades that would permit speeds of 160 mph in parts of the Northeast Corridor.

U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood made the money available to other states this year when Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R) opted not to accept funds that had been allocated to build high-speed rail between Tampa and Orlando. (Washington Post)

Bwahahahahaaa!!! And I will have my revenge on Harry Potter!

Of course, insane governor Rick Scott wanted to cut corporate taxes even further:

On Tuesday, Florida's lawmakers blocked Gov. Rick Scott's aggressive plan to cut corporate income taxes by $459 million in fiscal 2012. The legislators, who are Republicans as well, said the state could not handle slashing spending deeply enough to make up for the lost tax revenue. (CNN.Com)

So how insane do you have to be to have Florida Republicans tell you to dial down the irresponsible tax slashing? Florida Republicans! Even Florida Republicans are telling Rick Scott that his tax cutting is going too far. So maybe I was wrong the other day. Maybe there is a worse governor than Rick Snyder.

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/03/2199530/florida-senate-approves-business.html#ixzz1LuLMtXJg
Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/03/2199530/florida-senate-approves-business.html#ixzz1LuK4sVcg



How to tell if you have too much time on your hands

If you have the time to engage in teabaggery of any sort, you probably have too much time on your hands.
But if the precious freedom you feel compelled to defend is the freedom to use incandescent bulbs. . .




. .  .You should probably consider getting some sort of hobby.

Ask an Adorable Kitten

You could spend hours weighing the pros and cons of showing the bin Laden death photos. You could debate the ethical considerations or the foreign policy implications. Or you could just ask an adorable kitten.

You know how I know that showing bin Laden's picture is a bad idea?

Because Sarah Palin thinks it's a good idea.

 

 

And what the hell do my feet have to do with anything?

You think these paws are afraid of offending anyone?

Bin Laden's just lucky he didn't come face to face with these claws!

 

Seriously, though, it's a pretty good rule of thumb. If Sarah Palin thinks it's a good idea, it's probably a bad idea. If Sarah Palin says to you, "hey let's go try that new pizzeria that just opened around the corner," do not eat there.

You can rest assured that it will taste bad and you'll get food poisoning 

and have to take horrible medicine.

 

And if she says "yellow is definitely your color," you'd better believe you're going to look ridiculous in that yellow sweater she knitted for you.

And if she's helping you look for an apartment and she says "this seems like a good neighborhood," run. It's probably full of monsters!