You're Invited to a Book Burning!

The "Amazing Grace Baptist Church" is hosting a good old fashioned book burning this Halloween! According to their website, they will be burning, among other tomes,

Satan's Bibles!!!!!

Okay, I would assume they would mean this:
right?



No, not really.


According to the church's weirdo-beardo pastor, these devil bibles include the NIV, RSV, NKJV, wait aminute, aren't those. . .hold on, let me check something. . . .














Yeah, those are actual Bibles. The New International Version and the Revised Standard Version. I'm not real up to date with Baptist theology, but I don't think there's any denomination where burning Bibles is really considered to be a good idea. What is their beef with these Bibles?

Pastor Marc Grizzard told Asheville TV station WLOS that the King James version of the Bible is the only one his small western North Carolina church follows. He says all other versions, such as the Living Bible, are "satanic" and "perversions" of God's word.

Ah, of course. Only the King James version is the authentic one, because as we all know, Jesus was born in England during the 17th Century and spoke with a very posh, sophisticated British accent. What the hell? I could see if you only trusted some text that was hand written by Jesus himself in ancient Hebrew, but why the King James? I doubt that King James ever met Jesus, what with the centuries between them and England not being Israel and what not.

According to the church’s Web site, members will also burn “Satan's music . . ."

I assume you mean Heavy Metal!!!!

No, not exactly.

“Satan's music such as country, rap, rock, pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel, contemporary Christian, jazz, soul (and) oldies."

Wow! So pretty much everything but Bach Cantatas and Georg Philipp Telemann! (look him up on the interwebs, kids!)
Although I will say that the "Contemporary Christian" music that I've heard does sound as if it might be the work of the Devil.

“We will also be burning Satan's popular books
written by heretics. . . ."

Heretics like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens?

No, not really.

". . . . heretics like Billy Graham, Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll, John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham, Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn, Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren,
Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa,
The Pope. . . "

Mother Teresa! That bitch!

Who the hell is this nut?

Apparently, this is the same minister who recently released a list of athletes who are bound for HELL!!!
The Amazing Grace Baptist Church released a list of athletes who are going to hell, and the Patriots' quarterback headlines the list. Also on the list:

Richard Petty: "Richard Petty's god is racing, not God Almighty. He teaches that is okay in life to cheat just don't get caught doing it. Is Richard Petty your idol?"

Yes. Yes he is.

Marko Jaric: "Engaged to the Victoria's Secret supermodel (porn magazine) Adriana Lima."

Well, I guess Old Testament God is going to really be mad at the prophet Hosea!

(He married a prostitute.)

(God told him to.)

Joakim Noah: "Has long hair, which is disobedient to the Word of God."

(Watch out, Jesus! That hair is going to get you in big trouble!)

Adam Archuleta: "Engaged to a Playboy Playmate Jennifer Walcott. They have one son. This is called fornication, and we all know what their son is called, the same thing the Bible calls him."

Adam Archuletta? You couldn't find a bigger name with an out of wedlock child? Throw a dart at any NFL team's roster, and you'll probably hit one. Who even knows sho Adam Archuletta is?

And this guy has a following! Scary!

So It's Not Just Crazy White People

There are crazy black people too!




I'm trying to follow the logic, here. Apparently, Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ, but also a dupe being used by "them" and too dumb to know it. And we know this because Barack Obama got a lot more eloctoral votes than John McCain.

Of course! It all adds up now! How could I have not seen it before?

Billy Ray Cyrus

So, a member of the Cyrus family finally did something sensible.

Miley Cyrus quits Twitter

Teen star Miley Cyrus says she decided to delete her Twitter account so that she could keep her personal life just that – personal.

Seems reasonable. One of the tough parts about being rich and famous has to be giving up a lot of your privacy. So if a 16-year old "singer" decides she wants to reclaim some of hers, who could possibly object?

Billy Ray Cyrus pleads with daughter Miley Cyrus to re-open her deleted Twitter account

Oh, sure her father.
Wait, what?

Why would her creepy, parasitic dad want her to keep twittering?



"Miley. You are a light in a world of darkness. You were born 'Destiny Hope Cyrus' for a reason," her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, tweeted Thursday night. "You can't leave everyone now. We r countin on u."

Oh, I get it. As any parent can tell you, your daughter is important, but not as important as kids with money to spend. And why speak face to face with your daughter when you can drag the conversation into public via the twitter?

"I understand 'it is true one bad apple spoils the bunch,'" papa Cyrus continued. "But listen to the words of your songs 'Stand... for what ya believe in'...Remember?"

Soon after that he wrote, "Words can hurt worse than bullets. True. All the more reason to take this tool and tweet 'I'm comin to Chicago and askin kids to stop killin kids.'"

What the hell? First of all, dude, seriously. Not even Miley Cyrus is going to take inspiration from a Miley Cyrus song, okay? Secondly, what the hell? Do you really think any of that made sense? Third, Miley Cyrus is coming to Chicago to try to curb gang violence? Really? Miley Cyrus? Oh, yeah that's who the bangers are gonna listen to! Jim Brown and Tookie Williams couldn't dissuade them from shooting each other, but a little slice of Tennessee white bread jailbait should put them on the straight and narrow!

So if anyone out there is running for Father of the Year, good news! I'm pretty sure Billy Ray is out of the running.

Ronald Reagan? Really?

Ever since the announcement that Barack Obama had won the Nobel Peace Prize, there has been a lot of grumbling in the press that he did not deserve it.(and they have a point)

But this weird corollary has come along with that assessment, and that is that Ronald Reagan should have won one.

No, really!

It was always absurd that Ronald Reagan, whose political project led to the end of the gulag and the fall of the Berlin Wall, and who gambled his personal standing in the world for a system that would protect the common man from annihilation in a nuclear missile attack, could not win it. [The Nobel Peace Prize]

--Peggy Noonan, the Wall Street Journal.

you have got to be kidding me -- Ronald Reagan didn't get one, but Barack Obama, nominated 12 days after he was sworn in, gets a Nobel Peace Prize. . . but Ronald Reagan, could I just ask you to respond to that? The man who helped bring the Cold War to an end did not -- [win the Nobel peace Prize]

--Chip Reid, CBS News



Reagan deserves the Nobel Prize, first, because he showed again the benefits of promoting "Peace through strength." . . .That relates to the second reason why Ronald Reagan deserves the Nobel Peace Prize: As President, he successfully conducted himself as a man of peace.

--Bruce Chapman, Seattle Post-Intelligencier


Ronald Reagan also went to Berlin and made a plea for world peace and integration. Reagan played a role in liberating Eastern Europe, and articulated a vision of a world without nuclear weapons. Did Reagan get a Nobel for any of this? Or share Mikhail Gorbachev's? No.

--Ben Adler & Daniel Stone, Newsweek

Damn Liberal media!

Okay, off the top of my head, here are a few reasons why maybe, just maybe Ronald Reagan didn't get the Nobel Peace Prize.

1) Invaded Grenada for no good reason.

2) Sent the marines into Lebanon. (later "cut and ran")

3) propped up bloodthirsty dictatorships in Guatemala and Argentina.

4) fought a proxy war against the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. (arming the mujahidin who would later become the Taliban and Al Queda)

5) Sent chemical weapons to Sadam Hussein, provided intelligence on where to deploy them.

6) Sold missiles to Iran, funneled the profits to Nicaraguan terrorists.

Also, Reagan had little if anything to do with the collapse of the Soviet Union. The USSR's implosion was thought to be inevitable long before Reagan took office. And when their house of cards finally did collapse, it was George H.W. Bush in the White House, not Reagan.

So can we please stop pretending that Reagan deserved the Nobel Peace Prize? I'm not trying to say that Barack Obama deserved it either, but come on! Reagan?

Who's Stupider? (Nobel Prize Edition)

Thank you, and welcome to a special Nobel Peace Prize edition of Who's Stupider?
I'm your special guest host, A Beanie Baby Guy Smiley!

Our first contestant comes to us from the worst right-wing rag in the country where he enjoys being wrong about everything and wearing a permanent shit-eating smirk, please welcome Bill Kristol.

Bill, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Well, I'm famous because I had a famous father. My famous father (Irving Kristol) pulled some strings to get me into Harvard, used his connections to get me a job in the Nixon administration, then arranged for me to get teaching jobs at Penn and the Kennedy School of government. I'm a firm believer in strict meritocracy and fierce opponent of affirmative action. (source)

Okay, I think that tells us pretty much all we need to know about you.

Let's welcome our returning champion, Erick Erickson!

Erick, let's start with you, what's your reaction to President Obamawinning the Nobel Peace Prize?

I did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota for it, but that is the only thing I can think of for this news. There is no way Barack Obama earned it in the nominations period.

Ooh, tough break Erick! The affirmative action line proves you are kinda racist and kinda an asshole, but you accidentally made a good point that Obama certainly didn't do anything in the first month of his presidency to deserve this prestigious award. So let's ask the judges, can we accept Erick's answer?






































OOh, sorry, that's a thumbs down from Simon, Caesar and Fonzie! I'm afraid you're disqualified from this round, Erick.










Okay, Bill the floor is yours. All you have to do is say anything remotely stupid and you'll win. Whadda ya got, Bill?

if the Swedes Norwegians wanted to give the Nobel Peace Prize to an American, it would have been been better to give it to Sen. John McCain for having the guts to push through the surge in Iraq.

Wow! You came here to win, Bill! That may have been the stupidest thing we have heard yet on this show! Complaining that the Nobel Peace Prize was not given for war-mongering? Amazing work! You're going to go far in this competition.

Ladies and gentlemen, today's winner: Bill "the man who is wrong about everything" Kristol!