Worst TV Show Ever

In Touch Exclusive:
Kate Gosselin and kids to meet Sarah Palin in Alaska!

Forget ex-husband Jon — Kate Gosselin could rename her TLC hit Sarah & Kate Plus 8! In Touch can exclusively reveal that Kate and her brood have traveled to Alaska with cameras in tow to meet up with the northern state’s most famous resident, Sarah Palin.

O, God there is no way this won't be on TV. These two publicity whores don't do anything that isn't designed to bring more attention and/or money their way. (for the record, Jon Gosselin is just as big a whore)

Maybe they could call it: Horrible Parents Profit From Their Kids.
or Soulless Mommies Drag Children Across the Tundra for Fun and Profit!
or Honey, I Exploited the Kids!

“Sarah, Kate and the kids will go camping,” a source says, adding that Sarah’s father, a retired science teacher, and brother, a third-grade educator, will conduct a hands-on natural history lesson for 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis.

What the hell kind of science are they going to learn from this collection of snake-handling tongue -speakers? You know Sarah's afraid of witches, right?

A mother of a big family herself, former vice presidential candidate Sarah is thrilled about the upcoming visit. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!” the insider adds.

Fun and educational for the kids? Really? That's why she's excited? Because someone else is going to have fun and learn something? Not because it's more free publicity for her and probably another fat paycheck from some stupid cable network? Because I don't think Sarah is ever excited for anyone but Sarah. And neither Sarah nor Kate ever go anywhere there aren't TV cameras.

The Stupidest Question I've Heard in a While

From some stupid website called "Big Journalism"

does anyone really believe that Andrew Breitbart would intentionally distort a video clip to make a one-day splash?

Aha. Ahahaha. BaHaHaHa!!!!!!

Risk his growing reputation with a deliberate, easily refutable distortion?

Growing Repu. . . BAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Oh, God! Stop, you're killing me!

Risk his growing reputation! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Okay, no, I'm sorry! Would Breitbart intentionally distort a video? Just to make a one-day splash? Seriously? That's like asking if John Dillinger would intentionally rob a bank just to get money! Oh, the very idea! As if Dillinger would risk his sterling reputation just for the financial gain he might expect from bank robbery! For shame! Why, robbery was the furthest thing from Dillinger's mind! He only asked the teller to put the relevant currency in his bag, if she misunderstood and accidentally gave him all the money in the bank, well how was he to know?

Would Andrew Breitbart intentionally distort? How is that even a question? The only way I could see anyone even half-seriously posing that question is if. . . hang on a second, let me check something. . .




Oh, okay. Now it makes sense.

Oh, how could anyone think that Mr. Burns would do something dishonest?!?!
Who could suggest such a thing?

So good going Breitbart, you got someone who works for you to defend you. Great job. Maybe you can call him as a witness when Shirley Sherrod sues you for defamation of character. Hopefully after ACORN finishes suing you for libel, and every ACORN employee who was made to look like a criminal in your fraudulent bullshit pimp 'n' ho video sues you for defamation.

Things I Miss About San Francisco -- Elvis Edition

To be fair, this post should really be things I miss about California since a couple of these are from LA, but anyway. . .

Unusual Elvises, in order of unusualness:

#1: TORTELVIS


http://www.dreadzeppelin.com/index2.html
The lead singer for the band Dread Zeppelin, Tortelvis is the self-described "Rock N Roll Singer Inna Reggae Style." The band started out doing reggae versions of Led Zeppelin songs (hence the name) then mixed in Elvis, Disco, and whatever else they thought needed to be taken down a peg.

And lest you think they aren't paying proper respect to Led Zeppelin, here's an endorsement from none other than Robert Plant:




Anyway, here's a sample:





#2: El Vez, the Mexican Elvis


http://www.elvez.net/evFrameset.html





#3: Elvis Herselvis, the Drag King



Elvis Herselvis is the alter ego of Leigh Crow. The Elvis Herselvis website is still under construction, and I couldn't find any clips of her band "Elvis Herselvis and the Straight White Males," but this is her other band, the Mighty Slim Pickins:






#4: Extreme Elvis.




Extreme Elvis was born in the 1990's when a San Francisco-based performer thought "what if Elvis had lived? And continued to just let himself go?" The answer would horrify everyone.

I'm not going to post any videos of EE, because I don't want to scare off anyone, but if you're interested, there are plenty here. But I will warn you that none of them will be safe for work. Or home. Or prison. They are not for the easily offended, or the easily sickened. Here is a description of EE from Earpoke.com:

Extreme Elvis is possibly the greatest living Elvis tribute artist alive today. If he’s still living, that is. His site was permanently shut down years ago by the FBI and Homeland Security for copy write infringement and other heinous crimes…or was it? Reality becomes a blur. Aside from a few online interviews, a story in Gigs From Hell and fading memories of the fascinating biography from his old site, nothing remains but a small handful of unforgettable performances which remain seared into my brain.

Extreme Elvis burst on the about scene eight years ago, leaving a trail of carnage, urine stained blue suede shoes, feces soaked mikes and broken hearts.

Apparently, the part about the FBI is true, this is what you get if you open his homepage:

THIS SITE

HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY SHUT DOWN BY THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION AND U.S. IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT

Individuals involved in the operation and use of the Extreme Elvis network are under investigation for criminal copyright infringement

Anyway, if you're interested in a good freak show, check him out, but proceed with caution. And remember the Extreme Elvis motto:

Every generation gets the Elvis they deserve.

(in the interests of full disclosure, I should mention that Extreme Elvis once felt me up at Kimo's and I'm still not completely recovered)

Oh, the Stories You'll Find on Page 2!

On page 2 of today's Atlanta Journal Constitution was this headline:

Worker Says BP ignored reports.

For some reason, they apparently didn't think this story was important enough to include it on their website. I found the story posted on "Democratic Underground"

here's what the New York Times is reporting:

In the final days before the Deepwater Horizon disaster, BP continued drilling for oil despite internal reports of a leak on a critical safety device on the rig, a company official testified on Tuesday.

What a shock! A corporation ignoring safety! Well, I never!

Ronald Sepulvado, a BP well site leader, said he reported the problem to senior company officials and assumed it would be relayed to the Minerals Management Service, the federal agency that regulates offshore drilling. The leak was on a control pod connected to the blowout preventer, an emergency mechanism that failed to activate after the April 20 disaster.

See, now here's the problem with that. Why is the MMS sitting around waiting for BP to report safety problems? Why aren't they out there doing inspections and finding the problems themselves. Do cops sit around the precinct waiting for crooks to come turn themselves in?

“I assumed everything was O.K., because I reported it to the team leader and he should have reported it to M.M.S.,” Mr. Sepulvado said.

He could not explain why the company did not respond to his report.

Oh, I can. I can explain that one. Um, they did not respond to your report because it seemed financially expedient to not do so. If they relay the information to the proper authorities, then they have to shut the rig down and make expensive repairs. They decided to roll the dice, save the expense upfront and just hope that nothing would go wrong, at least nothing for which they could be held liable.

Investigators also pressed Mr. Sepulvado about two audits that found problems with other equipment on the rig and the well it was drilling, including the blowout preventer, known as a BOP.
“In both of those audits, it indicated that the BOP was well past” its inspection date, said Jason Mathews, a panel member.
The audits of the rig were conducted by BP in September 2009 and by ModuSpec in April 2010. The company’s audit identified problems with the rig’s engines, ballast systems, thrusters and drilling equipment, and as a result, BP scheduled the rig for a shipyard visit in early 2011.

So in 2009, their own audit (and why the hell they get to do their own audit is a whole other problem) their own audit showed a bunch of problems, so they scheduled it for maintenance TWO YEARS LATER? If you see that your car's brakes are shot, would you think, gosh, that could cause an accident, I could maybe even kill someone, I'd better see if my mechanic has any openings in 2011?" Of course you wouldn't. But that's because you have a soul and a conscience and common sense. BP has none of those things. No corporation does. Corporations are not people. They may be run by people, but they are not people. And, hell, we don't just trust people to do the right thing on their own. That's why we have cops and jails and courts and laws, because we know that people, who presumably have consciences and empathy, will sometimes do very bad things if left to their own devices. So why would we expect a soulless, faceless entity like a corporation to behave any better? And yet we keep hearing certain people repeatedly calling for less and less regulations on businesses. It's goddamned insane. No company should be allowed to do anything as potentially dangerous as deep-sea oil drilling without an enforcement agent looking over their shoulder every step of the way. Because we've seen what happens otherwise.

And any individuals within BP who were responsible for the decision(s) to cut corners on safcety should be held criminally and civilly liable. Tony Heyward and his cronies intentionally took reckless risks with safety and 11 workers died as a direct result. These assholes need to do time, then be sued into the poorhouse by the families of the victims, as well as every fisherman, shrimper, hotelier, and boat operator whose livelihood was destroyed by their thuggish behavior.

On Law & Order, it's called "depraved indifference," and Jack McCoy has sent better men than Tony Heyward to prison on that charge.

Go get 'em Jack!

Happy 75th Birthday to Sleepy LaBeef

Today is the 75th birthday of the great Sleepy LaBeef, one of the great rockabilly pioneers who for some reason has bever really gotten his due.