Dating Shows

Reality TV dating shows are, to paraphrase tracy pew, the anus of culture. Or, more accurately, what is expelled from the anus of culture. I always wonder how they get people to participate in these freak shows. I imagine the meeting goes something like this:

Location: a sidewalk in Santa Monica
Participants: The producer of "For the love of Ray J" and some unfortunate skank.

Say, you're an attractive woman with obvious self-esteem issues and no discernable talent. How'd you like to be in a contest?

What kinda contest?

Well, you and several other women will degrade and humiliate yourselves to win the attentions of the kind of man who would want you to degrade and humiliate yourselves.

I don't know. . .

Did I mention that this vile, loathsome man is a famous celebrity?

OOh, what is he famous for?

Pissing on Kim Kardashian.

Where do I sign?

Oh, I should mention that the humiliation and degradation will be taking place on national TV.

Hey, you had me at "pissing!"

Glenn Beck

Glen Beck has always been an asshole. And a smug, smirking little asshole at that. This is a guy who accused a U.S. Congressman of "working with our nation's enemies," asked a guest on his show whether Obama might be "the Antichrist," speculated that dennis kucinich had given his wife "the date-rape drug," etc. etc. etc.
But now Beck has accomplished something previously acheived only by the cackling witch Ann Coulter - he has made Bill O'reilly seem like the voice of reason! Beck is actually suborning armed insurection against the US government. Now, he won't come right out and say, "let's have a civil war," even Fox might fire you for that, and he's too much of a weasel, Instead, the conversation went like this:

BECK: I'm not -- Bill, I'm not looking for a revolution.

O'REILLY: But you're predicting it.

BECK: Well, wait a minute. Is that a problem? Is it a problem to point out -- wait a minute, is it a problem to point out Bill O'Reilly -- is it a problem. You get no food from me. You come knocking at my bomb shelter? I'm going to say, "Is that Bill O'Reilly? Can't hear you." Listen, here's the thing. It is not a problem to point out...

O'REILLY: I would rather starve, Beck. Than knock on your bomb shelter door asking you for food.

BECK: Oh, you will.

O'REILLY: I'll go down before I do that.

BECK: Listen, here's the thing. You come near it, you will. Anyway, here's the thing. It's -- I don't bring this up, because I want it. I bring it up to warn people...
Glenn Beck is just bug-eyed, poo-throwing crazy. What the hell is it going to take to get this owl-casting of a human being off the air and locked up in an asylum where he belongs?

Joe the Plumber

The most ignorant ass-clown to emerge from the last election cycle has somehow gotten another extension on his 15 minutes of fame. He has "written" a book which has somehow been published.
This makes no sense, unless the title of the book was "How to Achieve Unwarranted Fame through Unrelenting Douchebaggery."
But no, it is entitled "Something, Something American dream by some Ghostwriter."

Let me get this straight "Joe," if that is your real name, which it isn't, you stumble into a microphone, ask a spectacularly uninformed question, and now you're some kind of spokesman for conservatives? I know a lot of conservatives, and frankly, you don't represent them. Most of them are reasonable, intelligent people who aren't tax cheats (in other words, the opposite of you.) So now you are a part of the Republican Party's devolution from the party of these guys:




To the Party of these Stooges:

Great Work, Moron!



UPDATE:
11 entire people show up to see Joe at Borders. (Most were just in the store anyway and thought theyd'd stick around and watch the train wreck) --Link--http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/26/AR2009022600005.html

Alan Keyes

Professional looney Alan Keyes is at it again. http://www.politicususa.com/en/Keyes-Obama

Alan, dude, nobody takes the "born in Kenya" bullshit seriously who doesn't wear a tinfoil hat. Really, even you can do better than that.

On a Claire day

Believe it or not, some newspapers actually expend newsprint on this:

Want to write your own "Claire Day" Comic? Why wouldn't you, when its this easy!
Just use this simple template:

Frame 1: A character says something.

Frame 2: A brief conversation which seems like it could be a set-up for a punchline.

Frame 3: Someone makes a simple declarative statement about something obvious.

Why waste time being funny or clever or amusing or thought-provoking when you can make money with this can't-miss formula?

Here's an example:

Frame 1: Claire to co-worker: "what's wrong?"

Frame 2: Co-worker to Claire: "I have a headache!"

Frame 3: Claire: "Headaches Hurt!"

POW! Money in the bank! And it only took me like, ten seconds to compose!

Here's another tip:
Never take an art class. Being able to draw well is NOT a requirement for entry into the fun, fast-paced world of comic strip hackery!

Now you're ready. Grab a pen and start hacking!